I have a sister with the same lack of care/empathy!
If ever I say I’m tired, she says ‘We’re all tired, W’
I get so upset by her comments so now I don’t tell her anything because in that way I know I won’t feel hurt and worth zero!
Tomorrow I have my second mammogram after mx and you can imagine how BC is filling my every thought…
Spoke to her tonight and didn’t mention it at all because I couldn’t bear her saying,
‘Ohhh, you’ll be fine…’ and then changing the subject to talk about her own ills!
Definitely not selfish-she needs to stop thinking about herself and start looking out for you! Sorry if that sounds abrupt but you deserve some empathy and TLC. Tired just doesn’t describe it really does it and anyone who hasn’t been through this doesn’t know what tired means…
Mate has been complaining about local hospital asking her for charity donation for “fluffy” things (her words) that involve cancer and breasts. She’s complaining cos her section’s nurse (different illness, NOT cancerous) has had funding reduced. I was speechless and OH has advised me not to comment…
But, please may I say on here:
IT’S NOT FLUFFY!
45,000 folk get diagnosed in UK with BC every year and 12,500 die. How T.F. is that FLUFFY?!!!
Arrrgggh this is so common that people think breast cancer is not a serious cancer and is a fluffy pink woman power disease and noone dies from it etc.
Maybe cos it’s a boob - god knows.
It’s really annoying though.
Even my Mum who had bowel cancer with mets said that she felt annoyed that there wasn’t more awareness of bowel cancer which is a major killer - and I remember her saying “Noone wants to talk about bowels and poo, it’s not a sexy cancer like breast cancer”
She died of it, she didn’t know I’d get breast cancer and remember what she said But I saw her point.
Text from SIL after dx. I avoid the inlaws btw.
'We’ll go to the pub with her husband (Don’t like him, slime ball!!) ‘I want to see what you look like’
Ah, the hair!
I still cover mine, but just in places I would wear a coat! ie supermarkets, post office. If I go out, the hair comes with me, hat in pocket for security. My problem is my anxiety, which flared up big time at dx and I just know that taking the hat off while shopping, would put fuel on the fire of the gossips that work in the large supermarlet I use. I get their faces in mine at the checkout and they say’ How are you’? I say ‘fine ta’, as yer do. I say nothing about bc and found when I did to one or two people, they sharted talking to my chest like ‘guess the t!t’ Gross.
I haven’t forgotten the charity head shave I did years ago. When the hair grew, people asked where it went, and that upset me. I remember saying to OH how would I have felt if I was a cancer patient?
I tend to go commando in the summer, TBH, it’s too hot to wear a cover unless I’m out in sunshine and am forced to protect it from UV. But I always take a buff in my handbag for standing near the chiller cabinets in the supermarket. They give me an ice-cream headache!
I posted this on another thread by mistake. i will repeat it here…
This post makes me laugh so much, or at times makes me gasp with disbelief. I think the best one was 'our dog had cancer and we had her put down"
But it is also making me wonder about the inappropriate things I might have said and done, not just to people with cancer, but all sorts of situations in the pass.
I am not a bad person, but my brain does not always keep a good check on my mouth. I am meeting a very good freind next week. We dont live in each others pockets, dont do little jobs for each other, are only in contact once or twice a year, but i am now worried about what i said or did not do when she had pancreatic cancer. I visited her in hospital twice but never followed it up with home visits or phone calls. It did not cross my mind that she needed it.
fortuneatly we have such a good relationship that i can ask her about it next week, she would tell me if i was out of line at the time.
at least having been dx myself now, even with a relatively good dx, it will make me more careful what i say in future.
Funny you say that oal, my SIL was diagnosed with BC 2 years ago this was the same time I had my 1st mammo due to problems I was having & although I was relieved id been given a good bill of health then I was devasted about my SIL who I adore & always got on well with & I supported her as best I could but also felt so awkward as I had been given the all clear, I remember saying to her all the things that now annoy me when I hear them, she phoned me the other night she’d only just heard about my diag we spoke for a whole hour & I cleared the air with her, she laughed & said You now know better though BOY is she right & we both agreed to slap the next person who tells us if your going to get cancer BC is the one to get !!! Grrrrr
Despite her not being in a good place right now with other major health problems she felt it right to support me she’ll such a love & yet Im so much more worried for her than myself by far & its due to her situation that makes me realise how lucky I am right now
A very well meaning friend said to me ‘milk it, get what you can out of it’, what on earth she thought I could gain from having cancer I have no idea because a free wig certainly isn’t worth this!!
The most annoying has to be the constant ‘you’ll be alright’ or ‘my friends great aunt twice removed had cancer she’s got through it so you will too’, ummm doesn’t quite work like that.
A few weeks ago in hospital with an infection the staff nurse said to me ‘you must be so depressed having cancer, you might get through it not everybody dies you know’!!! Don’t know where she was taught bedside manner but the horror of it made me giggle all day!
Having fun at work today - first time I have gone into the office without a wig (too flaming hot and sticky to wear that today!), so have had a lot of comments from people who had not known, but thry have been mostly kind and appropriate. Office gossip at lunchtime (who did already know - surprised that so many did not lol!) started on the “you look so well” comments, but I just laughed and said it is the most common thing that you hear when on chemo, and steroids are wonderful at making you look better than you are!
I’ve had the “milk it” comment from a friend who despite only working 16 hours a week has had more time off sick than I’ve had hot dinners and usually with nothing actually being wrong with her! She was of course referring to me having as much time off as I could but personally, when I’m having a “good” week I’m quite happy to go into work to maintain a bit of normality. I don’t have to “milk” anything cos when I’m off its because I feel like crap!
I am a 41 year old mother of twins, have advanced localised breast cancer and BRCA 2 positive.
Just after 4 months of chemo and just two weeks before my bilateral mastectomy and node clearance, plus waiting for removal of ovaries and tubes as a preventative thing, my sister in law “I have a mess in my house because of the decorators and my sister is desperate because she doesn’t get on with her 18-year-old who has just decided to move out. YOU are the one in the better situation here”.
Want to swap ?
My best friend: “On the same day of your bilateral mastectomy and node clearance a friend of a friend of mine is having a big operation to see if they can cure him of MS. It will be a very intense day for me”.
Today whilst out shopping I met someone I know quite well who asked me how chemo was going and i said “Oh good days and bad but not great today.” She said “Oh but you must be enjoying the break from work!!!” I turned into pit bull mode and said " I would give anything to be at work doing normal things, being rushed off my feet rather than in constant pain, bald, fat and permanently exhausted." She still persisted and said “well if you feel like that perhaps you should book yourself a holiday while you can go off peak.” I walked off but was appalled. Are people really that stupid???
But I saw her point.