She: (Sweet-and-twenty: 32C) Oh, I so hate buying bras! (as she selects another four pretty push-ups for me to pay for)
Me: (Fat&50, 36dRMx] Yeah, I guess I do too, it’s not easy is it.
To be fair, I did get a batch of cookies out of that one!
Mother (aged 75) seeing my one year of growth crazy chemo curls (which she has seen before but not for a few months now): “ooh, I’ve always wanted a curly haired child and now I have one”
Me (aged 49 :0) ) “…” no sound! Gold fish expression.
Curls due to be cropped in next week or so in favour of a ‘real’ style… scary! Before this I always had long hair… I am liking it short but not a clue what to do with it!! Just know that if the hairdresser so much as mentions clippers to tidy up I’ll thump him!
New Years Day dinner for 12 - I’m sat next to Barbs who ends up with two jugs of custard in front of her… someone asks if there is any custard and Barbs pipes up “I’ve got two big jugs” much hilarity but then sudden silence as they must all simultaneously remember about me sat there with one boob.
I did manage to break the silence with “that’s enough bragging for now - the boy’s want you to share them round”. Grateful chatter immediately followed!
So not well meaning, or annoying, just sad that BC can get in the way of having a good laugh!
Yeah, Barbs, there’s no need to show off, LOL. I think that’s hilarious Alice and a great response.
RevCat, mums never seem to understand that we grew up… Now, where *is* that baby of mine?.. All the best at the hairdressers’.
During chemo, a swimming friend who’d just been in the pool for ages was complaining about having a bad hair day. I just said, “yeah, I know what you mean,” while stroking my bald head. And then we all fell about laughing.
It does depend how comfortable people are with you and they clearly didn’t want to upset you with the custard thing, which was rather sweet, but very good of you to clear the matter and “give permission” to laugh.
Bet you won’t be able to eat custard again without thinking of that meal!
my favourite comeback to the most cliche response ever…“im so sorry your mum has cancer”…“y did u give it to her?” the look of confusion followed by a dawn of realisation and a feeble attempt to hide the subsequent embarrassment always makes me laugh! Sorry but if u think u know me well enough to discuss my mum u should know I will make you feel awkward as soon as possible.
Its funny to be cruel…helps 
As we know a lot of people say annoying things that are very well meaning and mostly because they dont know WHAT to say but we vent here in order to NOT hurt their feelings! Others are just rude and deserve a comeback but thats different.
I think that your comeback was just cruel to someone sympathising with your mums situation. I dont think its funny to be cruel to people for the sake of it and not sure how this helps you
Agreed. I think its harder for other people, whether that be relatives or friend. I know Ive said some daft and stupid things in the past one I remember was when a friend suffered a miscarriage. Its sad we are all ,in this situation but we are just people fighting our battle just the same as other people with other illneses and problems.
I wasn’t meaning to cause offence with my earlier comment. And i definately was not being insensitive to my mum! But when people are discussing my mum and telling me how to feel when I havent confided in them in the first place I can be quite snappy. Reading it back I realised I didn’t fully explain the context in which I made the remark. I apologise again if the way I wrote this post seemed as if I was being flippant in any way.
I answered the door to my neghbour yesterday and she said
“Wow you looking good have you put some weight on” !!
A work colleague today said, I know you haven’t got any eyelashes, but it doesn’t half show how blue your eyes are without them!!! Grit teeth and say thank you and remind myself she was trying to be nice!
I have responded to this post once, i guess about thoughtlessness, but now flicking throungh the last few pages, think I wont bother again.
I feel its a plus, if people ask about your health,they could be the other ones who would rather cross the street you know.
Having Bc dosen’t give you the pompus right to mock and sneer at people when they are attempting to be kind. Its not something to lord over… The fact that people want to try to express something should in itself be a comfort. I don’t believe having BC gives you the right to to judge them,others suffer too from worse things, just not in such a visable way and they must long for the odd kind comment or 2 or even a flipant comment just to be acknowledged.
If you are wondering at which angle I am coming from making this statement…I wasn’t supposed to last Christmas. So stop feeling the world owes you something special cause you have BC, tragic though it is, be thankful that people are still asking how you are, cause you could oh so easily be forgotten…
[Edited by BCC]
Hi Potmaid,
As someone who has contributed to the more flippant aspects of this thread, my apologies if it sometimes comes across as thoughtless, self-obssessed or self-pitying. Mostly it is just a light hearted attempt to vent the irritation that some of us feel unable to vent elsewhere because we KNOW that people are well intentioned and the very last thing we want to do is hurt or upset them.
Sometimes when we are afraid or vulnerable things come out wrong and I appreciate there have been a few less gracious comments on here of late. That has been addressed and we try to restore the lightness that the thread intends. It’s always tricky with typed words ins’t it - you cannot see the face or hear the intonation.
Of course, this post could be exactly the ‘well meaning but annoying’ type, if so I am sorry too.
You are right, we could so easily be forgotten, and I for one am gratfeul even for the well-meaning comments that make me bite my tongue.
Hi Potmaid
i hear what you are saying totally, and i personally would prefer that someone would acknowldge my BC, whether or not i’m fed up of being told to stay positive, you’re brave etc, i appreciate that it is meant in a well meaning way, and i would never mock or sneer what they have said, as you said, they could just cross the street.
However, as Revcat says, we need a bit of lightness in our lives and if we can get out some of our frustrations on here, without hurting the feelings of those who have tried to offer support, thats is all good in my eyes
Gill x
Hi…i for one use this thread to vent my feelings as i do not want to say them to the person in questions as i know they meant well! So, it goes here instead , in a safe place.
I would prefer people acknowlegde the bc nd the difficulties Im having but sometimes it just does not fit with what i want at the time! We cant all get it right 100% of the time nd i know ive said things to people in the past , (before my diagnosis), who have got bc and in hindsight know ive got it very wrong! But Im grateful they have not had a go at me!
This thread is a safety valve for me. Sorry if some people find it hard, but once you have discovered that, perhaps avoid reading it again. There are lots of other threads which may suit you where people are discussing how right people have got it.
Hugs to all
Sadie Xx Xx
Hi there, I am so sorry for ranting so very pompusly, I guess I saw something and reacted in a not very constructive manner. I’m not normally like this but usually stop to think what offence I may be causing in bundleing in with two left feet.
Its good to let of steam and I in no way want to stifle that as some of the comments are undiplomatic to say the least.
I am one of the lucky ones who certainly haven’t been forgotten, its been overwhelming.
So apologises to one and all
Clare xx
The one thing that really wound me up when I was having the various treatments was the way some staff (mainly nurses and receptionists) used the word ‘wee’ all the time, eg. Take a wee seat; I’ll change your wee dressing; Whats your wee date of birth/address/phone number… GRRR!
Group hug!!!
This wasn’t at all annoying, but it did make me grin inside…
Back in August, just after I’d started rads and was still very bald with no eyelashes, I went to a rather posh, black tie party. For once Audrey my wig was given an airing (and I kept her on all evening), copious amount of eyeliner was applied, and I got out the party frock that still fitted - and showed off my reconstructed cleavage.
At dinner I was sat next to a chap who was very attentive and mildly flirtacious. At the time I inwardly smiled as I thought ‘If only you knew you were actually chatting up a bald woman with one (real) boob’!
Fast forward to Christmas and another party. This time I was sporting my newly dyed, very short crop of real hair. The same chap didn’t twig who I was at first and then said “Oh sorry, I didn’t recognise you without your hair”!!
Again - if only he knew!
Dx
Jeniffer, you’ve probably got people from Norn Irn (the correct pronunciation for Northern Ireland) as part of the medical staff dealing with you. That’s a linguistic ‘tic’ from that part of the world that is almost as bothersome as ‘like’ from anyone under 16! It can be very irritating when a little something that many people wouldn’t even notice makes its attention known, and then you find yourself noticing it every time.
(My kids get really irritated when I count out loud every time they say ‘like’ so you might find some light relief counting the number of 'wee’s you get in a single conversation. Might provoke one of those inner smiles that always makes other people wondering what we’re smiling about.)
Clare, no apologies necessary. This is a thread for venting, and you just had a bit of a vent - which has got to be good for you!
DJ007, that’s exactly what I mean about those ‘inner smile’ moments - fantastic!
CM - I was treated in NI so they ALL did it (except, thankfully, the doctors!)