I often find people don’t know what to say and it’s awkward, when I get the regular ‘OMG I’m so sorry’ I say ‘Don’t worry you didn’t give it me’!
People do mean well of course.
Poppet, that’s about the best thing people can say, really. They’re expressing sorrow, rather than apologising. Oh, the joys of the English language! I think alto’s friend who just said “Oh bu**er” and gave her a big hug is about the most appropriate response I’ve heard of.
Hi all,
My OH suffers really badly from foot in mouth disease (gets this from his mother) and those that know him realise he’s on a different planet to us most of the time, but he is quite unique…
When I received my diagnosis and was told I would have a mx with delayed reconstruction, as the BCN left to get my huge pile of info he chirped up ‘…sh*t, well at least you’ll have somewhere to put your purse and ipod’, I just glared at him…
When my younger sister lost her hair during her treatment last summer, she showed him and his response was ‘…bl**dy hell, you look like Yoda…’, my sister was totally fine and expected this, 'cos if he’d have said anything else, she knew he would’ve been trying to spare her feelings…
On losing my hair, the monster-in-law keeps commenting frequently ‘…never mind, you’ll be a beautiful blonde bombshell when it comes back…’ she means well but I’m totally dark and find it very hard to believe that chemo would actually turn me blonde naturally… time will tell though eh?
Bev x
Some very strange notions of God coming up “I think having all the other things was gods way of preparing you for the big one”!!! GREAAT!!! Poor God! And as for the Monster in law saying “never mind…” Snarl. Does’nt matter what comes after those words in a way - NEVER MIND!? Course I mind!!! Looked after a friend’s dog last week - her hubby picked him up… “how are you” “Crap today” “ah - well, get better soon” Perleease! Get better soon??? Think you must be headed towards sainthood Bev, coping with an out-law like that!
had a fathers day/father in laws birthday bbq round sis in laws yesterday… it was first time i’d seen s/i/l since chemo started and it was so kind of her to tell me that i suit scarves! ( although i have to admit i do!)
chin up girls and stay brave on your cancer journeys!
“i suit scarves”
What in all that is holy does that actually mean?
At times like that an evil thought goes through my mind…“tell you what, I bet you do, too. Let’s shave your head and see”…MWAHAHA
best thing to happen to sis in laws hair is for it to all go… soooo over dyed!.
I hope i suit the scarf that I have to wear with my nice cocktail dress next weekend for friends wedding!
The worst one for me actually hurt me. an elderly friend not know for her tact said how is it going. Before I got a chance to answer she told me your very “lucky” hardly anyone dies of breast cancer these day. I had recently lost a friend on facebook to it and replied that’s not true. Yes a high amount of ladies do well thee days but sadly far too many still die. she had lost her elderly husband recently and her reply was "I never want to have this conversation again don’t you think “I” have suffered enough!!! Well excuse me you old bag but your nearly 80 and have never been unwell, whereas it’s ME who is half your age and has cancer. I was seething inside!!!
In the UK in 2008 there were 12,116 deaths from breast cancer.
I wouldn’t call that ‘hardly anyone’. Stupid old bat!
Source: Cancer research UK
info.cancerresearchuk.org/cancerstats/types/breast/mortality/
well meaning action here… lady 3 doors down is 88 and likes to cook for me/us… but shes not very good!
SGL - Silly old effing bat. Why do so many people think that people don’t die from breast cancer? Is this because of the pink fluffy image it has and because a few famous people have survived it and seem to be “back to normal” ?
Lucky? No. I don’t think anyone’s LUCKY to have BC or have surgery or be thrust into an early menopause.
Fortunate we’re still alive right now but not Lucky.
So agree ladies. Her son I love to bits popped around to do some jobs for me who is lovely said mums Moaning because you have not rung for a chat!!! I am the one with cancer why do have to run after her!! Selfish old boot!
Another friend of my mums sent her a postcard from her holiday saying I hope Julie is improving and gets “well soon” Fgs it’s cancer not a cold!!!
The more I write the more of them I remember!
I do try to be “positive” but I like everyone has bad days and really get angry on those odd days when I am told “no you must keep positive” I actually want to scream and stamp my feet saying "I am positive but Fgs let me have the odd bad day in peace. But I actually end up feeling guilty for have non positive days.
SGL - have your bad days and don’t feel guilty about it. Everyone, even those who are well and don’t have any problems have bad days!
You must have had bad days before BC - we all do.
I just avoid people when I’m having bad days and I don’t feel guilty about it at all.
I feel guilty being horrible about people when I know they’re well meaning and I’m having a bad day and reacting to it instead of thinking that they don’t really know what they are saying.
Still have a good b*tch about it though - LOL.
And what some people say really IS insensitive to the highest degree.
LOL
at least you don’t need to shave your legs, under arms and down stairs.’ (wink wink)
Mandy’
Hmmm I’ve had to continue shaving my legs through 5 treatments so far, how is that fair when I have no hair on my head!!? I am guessing that all my hair will go now as it has started to fall out on my arms after the last lot of poison which was my 1st Tax.
My SIL told me how lucky I was that this chemo was ‘easier’ than last one (Taxol / Avastin now, TAX 2 yes ago). The fact that this one is WEEKLY she could not hear - WEEKLY has its own challenges and is still very hard PLUS i not hade secondaries which is a v diff ball gaame. But she only heard the ‘easier’ bit and then STROKED me for 5 mins. In the end I had to say ‘Please S, STOP STOKING ME’. She had that 'head tilted on the side, slight frown with eyes looking pittyingly (if that is a word) at you!! I hate that look!!! Sometimes it is the looks, not the words.
The ‘you will save a fortune on hair cuts’, ‘must be nice to be able to watch the tennis on tv all day’ 'bet you are glad to not have to go to work tomorrow (spent that day having chemo instead) and ‘you look better than i do - its not fair’ always go down well!!
Sadie Xx Xx
Urggh Sadie, stroking you with a tilted head… like you’re some abandoned pet in the RSPCA or something. I also hate that look too - it scares me! I’d rather someone said “oh FFS that’s effing awful, lifes a b*tch” than the Princess Di approach.
And it always amuses me when people say all this medical stuff and have no idea. I normally correct them on that, adding that everyone is different of course but normally this is what happens, then tell them all the stuff that shuts them up and they go “Oh” and I said “yeah, I didn’t know this until I started on it, I’d rather not”
Sadie
What I find hard to believe is that you put up with the stroking for 5 minutes! Think I would slap anyone’s hand on the second stroke!
You must be very tolerant.
Diane
Me wittering about SEs, mentioning that teeth and bones can suffer with chemo but can’t have any invasive dental work done.
“I feel like I’m crumbling at the edges”
Friend (who hasn’t got BC and has never had chemo):
“oh, I’m just the same, I think it’s just age”.
She is 4 years younger than me, BTW. Getting to middle age is NOT the same as being poisoned.
What I’m going through is NOT just my age!!