Mmm Eve. Trophy colleague. Yuk! Or is it tokenism? One as bad as the other. What’s worse is they might even expect you to be pleased. I have to say I’ve been so lucky with colleagues. All been as good as gold and not a word out of place x
My mom called today. She’s been ‘asking around’ and is now giving me advise on how to care for my arm after ANC and questions relating to my upcoming chemo… Sigh…
(And no, she doesn’t have any medical qualifications whatsoever.)
My SIL tells me frequently (since DX) “Chin Up” - What exactly does SHE think she means? btw I havent seen her at all since I arrived home 3 weeks ago even though she promises to come visit soon.
My MIL rang 2 days after MX (I came home from hospital day after with drains in etc) "Was I all right now? - In what sense?
I havent seen my sister or had any calls or any other sort of feed back from her since I got home.
My husband never wastes an opportunity to inform me how exhausted he is and that I really have no idea rofl!
Things have gone along so fast Im still at the stage of wondering why its happening and thinking I must be a bad person - lol I probably am!
Aww -You don’t sound like a bad person mad max, just an exhausted and overwhelmed one
My sil burst into very public tears when she heard about my diagnosis (how caring I thought) then later said ’ you never cry or show any emotions, I think that you are just emotionless about it all. You make it so hard for K and d’ (my oh and bil) - hmm maybe not so caring then.
Your sister probably wants to give you space, maybe you should try phoning her and telling her you feel like cr*p and could do with a bit of emotional support. That worked for me, my sister phones and emails me regularly now. Although I did find out later that she and my mother both became very fearful that they would get bc and there was a lot discussion about female family history going on. So it could be that she’s scared as well.
Oh … What can I say, mine got a bit ‘heroic’ as well. He did get over it. I know you probably don’t want to hear it but he’s probably scared to bits that you aren’t going to be around next year and he wants reassurance that everything is going to be ok. You probably will be, but it’s not your job to look after him at the moment. Is there anyone you know that could have a chat to him? Sometimes the breast care nurse can talk to him about what you need right now. Maybe you could ring bcc and ask them for some advice, there’s a helpline at the penny Brohn cancer centre in Bristol as well, they do loads of work with partners, I’m sure they could help you with some suggestions.
Sorry to have been so serious on what is only a light hearted thread but your post bought it all back to me - it felt really similar to my experiences and that was over 8 years ago!!!
Melissax
Hi Madmax. I agree with Melissa you are clearly not a bad person! And it brings it all back to me too. I found family more tricky to deal with than friends. They are often bewildered and don’t know if they should be in touch or leave you some space. Its about letting them know the things that do help. It’s often other people who are better at explaining than you. It somehow takes the heat off. My niece decided to rally my brother and sister to be more involved and it helped. My sister is much more understanding now than at first when she seemed to find me a bit of a trial. But yes, I also resonate with the OH thing. My ex is the worst. He gets into a state of mind when it is all about him. Maybe it’s a man thing, though my present OH is great in that way. Makes it his job in life to keep me cheery.
I had a slightly weird experience yesterday going to the chest clinic. I guess they are less used to Ca than the Macmillan unit. Both people I saw told me that (having read my history) considering what I was going through I appeared to be coping really well. This on the basis of 5 minutes contact! Bless 'em. They meant well.
Tara xxx
I am not able to drive at the moment and even walking more than a few hundred yards is exhausting. On the recommendation of a friend I bought an electric bike. I have to say it’s wonderful and has given me a real sense of freedom. Anyway for the first time in a year I took the dog down to the park an I cycled round while he ran along next to me - only to have this silly woman say to me ‘that’s a very lazy way of walking your dog you know’
For goodness sake do people have an opinion about everything !!!
Melissax
Oh Melissa, why don’t people mind their own effing business…? An electric bike is an inspired idea.
My pet hates:
“Onwards and upwards”, in a cheery voice.
In the school playground from another mum, “Where do you find your inner strength…?”
Arghhhh!
Moondog xx
Fed up with emails from work - asking how I am and then telling me how busy they are there.I would give a lot to be at work busy.
Sookie
I’m starting chemo next week. I had a bit of a chat with my 15 year old daughter who looks at me very sincerely and says…" mum you know how when people with cancer lose their hair… Sometimes their friends and family shave their heads too ? " I said “yes I’d heard some people do that” she looked at me very solemnly patted me on the arm and said " just so you know that I’m NOT going to do that "
I could not stop laughing it was so funny. Not annoying because no way would I want her to do that anyway.
I’m starting chemo next week. I had a bit of a chat with my 15 year old daughter who looks at me very sincerely and says…" mum you know how when people with cancer lose their hair… Sometimes their friends and family shave their heads too ? " I said “yes I’d heard some people do that” she looked at me very solemnly patted me on the arm and said " just so you know that I’m NOT going to do that "
I could not stop laughing it was so funny. Not annoying because no way would I want her to do that anyway.
Thanks for the kind words and I know that in some ways they mean well and dont think about what they say before they say it!
My OH has improved greatly in the last 3 weeks though and I think is starting to understand how things can appear differently from my point of view (I pointed them in the direction of these posts)
He probably feels my stress every time I have to wait around for more tests. Today he even managed to make a half decent meal - Ill make a chef out of him yet!
Cracking story Elli. Must tell my son and his girlfriend. They will enjoy that. Especially as his girlfriend’s hair seems to be a full time job. xx
Glad your OH is becoming a passable chef, Madmax xx
Melissa. What a t*** that woman is. xx
I remember last year a man commenting. It’s a lovely sunny day why are you dressed for winter? With a flourish I removed my hat revealing my bald head and gave him a merry smile and walked on. People have nothing better to think about. I just feel sorry they have such empty lives.
Tara xx
I went back to work for a meeting on Wednesday and saw a lot of people I hadnt seen since before my treatment.
I wish I had money for everyone who said ‘so you got the all clear then?’. I almost got to the stage of asking the boss if i could stand up and scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOO - the all clear doesnt exist! Im sure they thought they were being supportive - but every time someone said it, it just brought it home that life is never going to be the same.
I came home wishing I hadnt gone!
Had a very constructive conversation with my oncologist last week during which she kind of surprised me by saying: “Well, you’re young, you could not wear a wig and just make it a fashion statement.”
I was truly baffled but actually managed a reply to that (“I know the way my head is shaped does not really suit being bald.”) instead of my usual reaction - smiling politely while very slowly nodding my head.
Today when stocking up at Tesco the cashier - very young lad trying to make polite conversation, bless him - asked if I was off work for the long weekend… “Yes, I am.” was all I said, smiling politely, taking my bag and walking away…
Tara - I love it. Wish I could have seen his face.
I felt like that when I was at the hairdresser recently to have my wig styled. I had the wig on and a man sitting next to me said,‘It’s makes you feel good when you get your hair cut doesn’t it?’ I wanted to pull the wig off and say, ‘What do you think she’s going to do with that then?’ Just wish I’d had the guts.
The latest comments have been - Oh your wig’s lovely! I would wear that. Can I get it when your finished with it? It never ceases to amaze me why anuyone would want to wear a wig when they’ve already got a full head of hair!
What amazed me while I was wearing my wig (and not enjoying it much) was all the folk with hair who DO wear them! Jane
My favourite - if your’re going to get cancer breast cancer is the one you want !
I hate being told to stay positive. Most of the time, I think I’m doing pretty well, considering that I have had spinal cord compression (2009), a couple of courses of radiotherapy and finally a broken hip (3 weeks ago). Please don’t tell me to stop being so negative (MIL) and to be positive instead. The power of the mind works wonders you know…AAAAARGH - let me be in my bad place for just a little while, and then I will resurface with my practiced smile, which eventually will turn into a natural one…and maybe then I can be positive.
Love your story Eli re daughter.
My particular pet hate at the moment is " well you are half way through your chemo" that was before my third of six, so I wasn’t half way, still had 4 to go and the crappy SEs of 4! Unfortunately a very dear friend who came to no. 3 with me as we were waiting , made the fatal mistake. I did hold back but was a bit curt. Best go on my own next time, I think I prefer it anyway, I just ended up feeling responsible for her! No pleasing me at the moment!
Gaynor x
I’ve had my GP tell me I’ve got the best cancer to have. I don’t want any cancer!