I can so relate to your irritation! As well as the above, a few people have told me how lucky I am to have such a nice shaped head- Lucky, ummm?!
I have just had a mastecomy after a failed reconstrution. Feeling very vulnerable and poorly. Someone who I love very much and is very dear asked the following question: ‘How is your wound then?’ It took every ounce of love and self-control not to spit feathers and scream. Is it just me?
Rattles, x 
When explaining to someone about my SEs and how I was having a hard time dealing with them he said that I looked really well! And he’s a nurse!
Also - in the country I come from (Ghana) these treatments are not available and people just die. I hate to sound horrible but I don’t friggin come from Ghana. The treatments are available here and I want them!
I’ve had my mum say to me I’m very lucky as I’d only had to have a lumpectomy. Suppose I am lucky in that it didn’t spread, but would have been luckier not have got it at all thanks! And it certainly doesn’t feel lucky having to have another 5 fecs plus rads and tamoxifen for 5 years! Or that I can now not have kids because treatment will likely leave me post-menopausal! So yes, mum. I am lucky aren’t I?!
Also had my dad run through all the lumps and bumps he’s come across in the last couple of years which he thought were cancerous but turned out to be ok - this was just after I told him the lump I found turned out to be cancer!!!
Had the usual “you’re so brave”, “you’re inspirational” (?!), “you’re amazing” (I mean they’re right, of course, with this one, but not cus I’ve got feccing bc!!). Asked “how’s your wonky boob” (thanks for the reminder), how are you coping (give you 3 guesses)…
Some people huh?!
My mum is also very positive - how lucky I am when scans are stable, how great it is when there is only progression in bones and nowhere else. How fantastic it is if a drug seems to be working. I used to get really grumpy and tried to tell her how it really was but lately I think she is trying to convince herself and my only job is to say ‘yes mum’ bless her 
My favourite one was when a neighbour (from the last place we lived) invited herself over for coffee the other day. She told me that I mustn’t ‘immerse’ myself in my illness. The only way I was going to get over it was by getting out there and living a normal life again. She had had a serious illness herself and she hadn’t let it stop her. If I thought about it all the time then it was bound to get me - and so on and so on, you get the drift.
By the way I have liver, lung, bone and brain mets I have so many hospital appts I hardly know whether I’m coming or going some weeks.
The last time I saw her was when I was cycling past her to go to the shops. The time before that was when I was walking the dog. I really am doing my best - I do wonder what people expect from me sometimes!!
- most people are lovely so this is only a little moan
Mx
I have a friend who has always been a little jealous of the fact I went to the gym 4 times a week and was super fit, she would always have a dig about my weight (even though at 11 stone I am my ideal weight)…well she popped round for a coffee andsays “I must say you are the only person I know who looks better during chemo than you did before” well unfortunately I was so gobsmacked I didn’t respond…where now I think I should have whipped my hat off and said yeah I look bloody great with no hair don’t I, even better when I have no boob and by the way I am still 11 stone you moron.
She also said I should go out more with my friends rather than just staying in and wallowing with my family!
In factnim not to sure why she’s still a friend?
I seem to be in the middle of an ongoing battle with admin issues to get my hospital to actually arrange the Herceptin I am meant to be having. Saw my onc yesterday who was aware of the issues (before I even started to tell him, so it sounds like other people have had problems too) and told me to “be persistent”. It makes a change from “be positive” or “be brave” but why should I have to “be persistent”? Why can’t I just ask once for a date and time to have the herceptin, be told the details, and turn up on the day? What about people who don’t have the energy to “be persistent” because they have had worse chemo side effects than I have had? Perhaps this is what people mean when they say I have to fight it. Grrr…
My dad said to me after my mastectomy 3 years ago, “it must be harder for women with bigger breasts”. I was a 34B, and very proud of my breasts. I could only imagine having a conversation with men about the size of their manhood “it was only small, so it doesn’t matter”. I still laugh about it now.
Deb22222
I laughed like a drain, when I read your post! I then read it out to my OH! He laughed too. I thought about reading it out to the cat, but remembered that he was ‘done’ a little while ago. He probably wouldn’t see the funny side! 
Isobel
Yes, glad you didn’t tell the cat, we must think of others!
My XOH, when told of my terminal condition said 'Sundays were a bad day for him, as 4 weeks previous he had split up with his girlfriend, and now this!!". Our kids are 10 and 12 years.
And then he got up from the table, holding his back in pain and said 'I’m getting too old for golf" ( he’d done 18 holes that day, aged 48)
Unfortunately, this is all true but very amusing, hence XOH!
Debs
This is what my ex said when I told him:
“Sorry to hear about that, I can’t think of anything you have done to cause it.
Best of luck with it, keep me posted.”
Can’t think of anything you have done to have caused it??? Like it is bound to be something I have done??
For goodness sake!
You look great - even with the wig!
The organisation I work for provides a pay out should an employee die in service. A colleague called me the other day (I’m on sick leave) advising me to make sure that I was still happy with the person I’d nominated as my beneficiary and if not to make changes ASAP. Well, it certainly made a change from all the ‘think positive’ and ‘fight the good fight’ advice I suppose. 
When I modelled my new wig for my OH, he said “you look like a prostitute, but in a good way…!”
I’m having Mx and immediate DIEP recon in 2 weeks.
My boss asked me if reconstruction was really necessary if it meant a longer recovery - in other words being off work longer…
Also earlier this week… “so how long will you actually be off work for?” reply " I’m not sure, I’ve been told its a 3 month recovery and I can’t drive for 6 weeks, but since I’ve never had it done before I just don’t know" her “I’l come and pick you up and bring you in to work, you’l appreciate the company” !!!
I’m becoming more and more blunt these days.
I am part-time at work nowadays (would far rather be full-time but no can do). When people say “I’d love to do your work pattern”, I just say “yeah, and you can ha_ve_ the cancer that goes with it”.
Saw my mum today for the 1st time since I started chemo (have had 2 cycles now, and she only lives half hour away…) and she said with a surprised tone “well you look really well, I’m pleased!”. Held back from saying yes well, you haven’t seen me in the 1st week post-chemo looking as rough as a badgers a**e, you know, the time when I REALLY needed support!!! Some things are just not worth the hassle…
I recently went to a wedding and met up with some rellies of my ex that I haven’t seen for 20 years.
"You look well. I’m surprised. I thought that you’d be looking extremely ill. " (said with a very disappointed voice).
WTF?
OMG i was feeling so depressed. I’ve spent the last two weeks being really ill. Fell out with my partner and my eldest son because " they’ve had enough, I’m nearly there because I’ve ONLY got 4 more treatments, even tho I don’t get the all clear for 5 yrs. I know I need to keep away from negative people but it’s so very hard when it’s people you love
No answers, no words but shocked and stunned solidarity, Rubypop!
Went back to work yesterday, one of my boss’s popped in and said how well I was looking. Replied I wished I felt as well as I looked and silence ensued for a few moments until I picked up the conversation with something mundane. Why don’t people ask how you are??? Then we would say ok but …whatever?? This is the same boss that said weeks ago that I was brave and I was short with her then…thought she’d have learnt!!!
Perhaps this is why I’ve not told many people about this, only those who needed to know.