What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Hi Everyone

We are working on a hush hush new app to help support people after they have finished treatment for breast cancer.  It would be great if you could help us with this. 

We would like to know what are the things you have done or techniques you have used that have helped you over the more difficult days post treatment?  Perhaps there are things you have heard others talking about and thought ‘I wish I had thought of that’!.  Maybe you have a positive quote that you refer to or a list of helpful things people have said or you would have like to hear?

Thank you for your help with this project

Best wishes, 

Lizzy 

Hi Lizzy,

 

Post BC treatment, my main technique for helping me through difficult days is “Mindfulness”.

I’m naturally an over thinker and have a tendency to dwell on things. Living on my own, with no family or close friends for support, it is easy for me to get into a tangle with my fears and emotions. I really needed something to help me cope with the anxiety and stress of dealing with BC on my own, both during and once I had finished treatment at the hospital.
I find “Mindfulness” extremely helpful and with practice I have been able to control my fear and anxieties from getting too intense.

In a nutshell, it is adapting your mind to live in the present moment, not dwell on the past or look into things that may or may not happen in the future.

I have lots of positive quotes saved on my iPad to read when my inner peace needs rescuing.  They help to remind me that any negative can be turned into a positive with the right frame of mind and determination.

Here is a short quote I particularly like which helps me to put my BC experience into perspective.

 

“Everyone wants happiness and no pain but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.”

 

Peace and Positivity,

M x

Hi Lizzy,
I too try mindfulness.
I also stumbled accross a closed facebook group for those with a diagnosis living or working in my home county. The moderator finds brilliant snippets and posts sevetal each day, and at least one speaks directly to me. This group also gets it when you need that private scream and the support is awesome.
LL x

My favourite is:

 

Sometimes courage isn’t the voice that roars; sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.

xx

Sharon

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Read another one this morning that I liked:

 

‘Each new development or symptom shakes your world in some way.  While you’re wobbling and trying finding your balance, let people hold you steady’.

 

Also remind myself to focus on the immediate pleasures of each day like a good meal, lovely pampering bath, cheerful playlist on the iPod etc.

xx

Sharon

“Sometimes a short walk down memory lane is all it takes to appreciate where you are today.”

 

 

AC :smileylol:

Enjoy the journey (every day)…
Mindfulness and visualisation
Yoga
Focusing on listening to a bird sing…

Seabreeze

I just sit quietly and think that I am still here, that things could be a lot worse and that life is for living not for missing with negative thoughts going through my mind.  Good luck everyone 

Hi All, 

Just a quick note to say thank you very much for sharing the quotes and activities that make you feel better on more difficult days. They were all very inspiring :) 

Best wishes, 

Lizzy 

<Empty imported post>

My beautiful daughter sent me a phrase she’d found: When ‘I’ is changed to ‘we’ even illness becomes wellness xx

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Relatives and friends bought me plants, books, flowers and cards and it really helped knowing that people were thinking about me. Eating dark chocolate (the ‘healthy’ high percentage of cocoa bean variety) made me feel heaps better without a doubt!  Listening to the song “One Day at a Time” was calming. Reading a novel with a happy ending or enjoying a favourite ‘soap’ helped to take my mind off my illness for a while. Choosing and doing an exercise DVD that had been filmed on a beach and that was full of bright colours such as yellow and orange and that included shots of sand and sea and boats improved my mood and made me feel as though I was actually on holiday.

During treatment, I discovered that going for a short (sometimes VERY short) walk on my own, up the lane between fields - away from houses and man-made things, so I was surrounded by the things I love: birdsong, green grass, the silhouette of trees against the sky, butterflies, the rustle of leaves in the wind, kicking leaves in the autumn, young lambs in the field bluebells in the wood. All these things suddenly started to seem so special. I realised that if I focused on them and enjoyed them they improved my mood immensely. I stopped looking forward to being somewhere else, on holiday, and started to appreciate what was actually around me.

 

I suspect this might be what they call mindfulness. It just happened to me when I was at my most fragile, and 4 years on, whenever the demons sit on my shoulder whispering scary thoughts in my ear, I try to remember how these simple things got me through.

 

I also really benefited from being able to laugh at myself and my situation, with a bunch of lovely ladies who REALLY understood, on this forum, especially the madness of Benchland and the Wild Woods threads.

Hi all, 

A big thank you for all your continued suggestions :) 

They are all very inspiring and it would be great to continue this thread to share with one another what makes you feel better on more difficult days.

Best wishes, 

Lizzy 

Another thing that always helps raise my mood is creating something. It might be a new recipe for a tasty meal,  a home made cake, greetings cards, knitting, embroidery, colouring a picture, painting, writing poems. Whatever floats your boat. It’s well documented that creating something aids mental health.

 

 I’ve been knitting little animals (OH brought home a pattern book from the library and I ended up buying a copy… and several more!) I enjoy the satisfaction of creating cute toys and then sell them to raise money for  charities. Everyone’s a winner! 

 

I also make all my own birthday and Christmas cards - using old cards and bits and pieces bought from craft stores. When I know I’ve got cards I need to make it feels like a chore, but I always feel better when I’ve made them, and people appreciate  the time and effort spent on them.

 

 Just a word of warning: start simple; being over ambitious can lead to frustration and lowering of self esteem - not very helpful!

Physical exercise - yoga practiced with mindfulness.
Yoga Nidra - download on phone/mp3 player and zone out for 10-30 minutes
Walking the dog, or when energy slumps sitting having a doggy cuddle ideally in the fresh air.
Glass of wine should probably not be on this list!

Hellooooo riverside, so good to see ya - long time no speaky. Hope you’re doing well??

With you on the glass o’ wine or two on the list.

But I’d personally prefer a human hug at the end of a walk, or even during it. But respect your choice!!  : - ))) xxx

Mindfulness. I have to share it because it has helped with anxiety enormously. If you do nothing else try focussing on breathing in through your mouth and outa through your mouth very slowly, fill up your stomach and really concentrate on the sensations- air going in, is is cooler than air going out, th sound of your breath etc. When your mind wanders gently bring it back to explore the breathing sensation again, and again. 

Apparantly this works because  when you are breathing slowly, your brain thinks you are not panicking and stops producing adrenaline- which it’s been doing overtime since diagnoses. 

 

Then I lie or sit several times a day and listen to a our tube video by john kabatt zinn. And just follow instructions. There’s loads of videos out there, but as he ’ invented’ mindfulness…and what I like is it’s all been done in hospitals and is medically researched so it’s not just some mad hippy nonsense. Apparantly it’s proven to be just as effective at helping w depression as medication. 

 

heres the address of another  other one I find very good. They are different lengths so I just listen to a 3 min. One when I am very anxious, and that calms me down enough to do more.

 

marc.ucla.edu/mindful-meditations

 

an app called insight timer is fun to explore too.

 

i hope this helps. Even if you make a cuppa try being really aware of all the sounds and feelings and sights. It’s about really seeing what’s happening at the moment because apparently when you think of the past you get depression and when you think of the future you get anxiety, so gently think of now.

 

and then sometimes you can get so that you can observe what you are thinking ( it’s rankle awe inspiring how much twaddle I can think continually. No wonder I’m exhausted! ( and bored!).).

And THAT means you can be aware of, for example,’  oh I’m thinking about that yellow mug which reminded me of Fred which has made me think of how I ate his last biscuit which is making me think how he’ll be cross when I see him in the future which is making me anxious…but oh! I haven’t actually seen him, I’m not actually in the future and I’m just making a cuppa and right here, right now there is nothing bad happening .’ 

 

Phew! Really hope that helps. It’s helped me, though it’s still bloody hard. Added benefit is I’m now observing my thoughts when I talk to people more, so i was able to observe, talking to my hubby, that I was getting irritated, that my voice was getting higher pitched, that I was getting hot, and instead of being swept up in feelings of irritation, I was able to observe the signs that I was getting irritated and then choose to not go there, but to take a deep breath and stay calm. Thus avoiding a massive row. Hurrah! Doing that again!

 

It also helped me during treatment- if you start with your feet and ’ go inside yourself’ and see how your feet feel, then your ankles etc etc all the way up to top of head, consciously sending each part of you love and relaxing it. It takes your mind off what’s happening outside you. Can even make things relaxing!

 

long old post! Just found it so helpful I wanted to share! Really worth trying.

i also have quotes to look at and for me, one about, ‘I’m not superwoman, but I’m kicking cancer, so I’m close’. And a friends whose is,‘I’m still here, ha!’

 

The other thing I found incredibly useful was the explanations of what’s actually happening to you that I got at Maggies. It gave me a context and a logical explanation when I didn’t understand why I had these feelings and was getting more and more terrified.

It was mainly…your body has been over producing adrenaline since diagnosis. Deep breathing fools your brain into thinking it’s calm so it stops producing adrenaline which gives you a rest! Excersises, however little, helps burn off the adrenaline you have produced. 

In life you go through several ‘doors’ one is fear of death, the others fear of being alone, oh pants, chemo brain. I can look it up if anyone’s interested, but basically usually you go through one door or maybe two at a time through life, but with cancer you go through all four at once so no wonder you get overwhelmed, confused etc.

And, you need to grieve for the you that was, for your life before diagnosis and the best way to do that is just to take yourself off and let yourself cry, which burns off the cortisol, another stress chemical your body has been producing in buckets since diagnosis, so that gives your body a rest too.phew!

 

Hurry up with the app!

 

hugs to everyone. This sucks actually.

Hey Leigh,

 

What a bloomin fantasticallyfandabidozee post!! Lurrrrvin it.

Music pretty much does it for me - is better than any antidepressant. Whatever lifts me when I’m feelin a bit low. Then whatever sooothes and winds me down slow stuff to relax my mind and body.  Makes me “Mindful” also.

 

Hope you’re all doing okay

Much love to everyone

Dellywelly xxxxx

Leigh - Hey, come on. You used to get the odd bad day before BC (Bas**rd. Cr*p,) SURELY??!!! BTW., I’m being teasing with you. My darlin Leigh - Keep up and on with the music, preferably with obligatory silly Delly dancin round the lounge, kitchen table, toilet!! etc.

I only said to my mental support worker, 2 days ago, "Do you know what is one of the BEST drugs for me?? Better than ANY drug, anti-depressant or tranquiliser??    MUSIC!!! 

I’ve barely watched ANY tv, the last 3-4 weeks. I’ve literally been sucking, eating, chewing, soaking in my most favourite healing treatment.

Just spent the whole of 5 hrs or even more, listening to Joni Mitchell cds (I have 11 in all and that’s not all of her releases). I only put on her soft and lilting, sometimes soulfully jazzy tracks. Yeh, Joni Mitchell - soulful and jazzy, but with a difference. That’s modern jazzy, not trad jazzy, as of her last 40yrs. 

I have a direct connectionof Joni Mitchell to my brother, a fellow huge fan, (and of many other shared musical tastes and art and architecture) who sadly committed suicide 3 yrs ago. So, although I know I’m gonna get upset when I listen to certain tracks, I listen to them. And I break down and sob, wrap my own arms around myself and have a bloody good SOB. It goes on and on, sob, sob, sob - such dreadfully deep flippin PAIN - can’t tell ya. Feel it the same still for my Mum and Dad.  I relate certain music to all of them.

 

None of what I’m saying is to provoke sympathy for ME. I’m purely keeping my content to the theme of the thread. 

BUT . . and this is the BIG BUT (or BUTT may be more appropriate !!) or reason I’m saying all of this, . . . . . I felt SOOOO much better after!!!    That’s THE point.  I’m still massively grieving. But, and I’ve only just realised this so it’s an “also”, literally as I’m typing this now. It’s now only the loss of my family, NOT the loss of my breasts.  Much, no MOST, no ALLLL of that, is because they’re being REbuilt!!!. Jeez, what a huge, massive difference it made to me, a still single woman at 46/47 when I lost BOTH my boobs - 2nd one? Well, you may as well have crucified me, to be perfectly honest.

 

Some of you will be, and are, grieving that bodily loss of yourself, be that a lumpectomy, one full breast or two, and with or without my own extra added losses.

Fact is, IT/LIFE isn’t all about "light, giggly. Much of it is seriously about learning how to CARE, TREASURE, NURTURE, LOVE, GRIEVE (NO one teaches you that one!!). ALL of those have only been deepened by what I’ve been through in the last 10-12 yrs. I also lost my capacity to “Hate” anyONE or antTHING, I turn it around to something else. Love conquers hate, after all. It’s true.  So, my own philosophy for myself is :- Don’t expect it to be light and gigly - then it’ll so much more wonderfully surprise you and knock your flippin socks off with smiles and laughter when you sometimes least expect it to.

But you’ve got to keep feeding it/your self or essence, on or with your pleasing passions. Music, art, architecture, theatre and live music/concerts, lovely smells, touching textures and pleasing tastes are my “fodder” for “What helps me feel better”.

I have my occasional lapses, but I’m learning, like Corinne Bailey-Rae, “To put a record on”

Here endeth . . . bloomin 'eck Delly, you do go on sometimes.

Sorry girls

Dellywellydingdong xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx