What to say and what not to say!!!

Right ladies, lately I have some idiots making some most stupid inconsiderate remarks to me during treatment! I understand it is hard for all and we are more sensitive but there are things you just dont say so I’m starting a thread to ask you ladies what stupid remarks you have had and how you handled them?

Last week I had a stupid woman ask me ‘Has treatment stunted your growth?’ I was beyong shocked! I can laugh and joke but thats a bit below rhe belt! Then she continued to say its nice to meet someone smaller than me’ When I gave her the look and replied ‘Can you say sonething nice please?’ she tried to turn things round by saying ‘Being small has its advantages!’ Too late, how dare you use my chemo treatment to put me down and up yourself!!! I think she got the message!

How many times have you been told 'Well, you are strong so you will get through it??? Erm, I can’t not be strong when it’s happened! What do you expect to do, sit in a corner hoping its not real??? You dont see me when I’m in tears or on a meltdown!!

And this one ‘It’s one of the better Cs to have’!!! Well thank you, I appreciate that I have the best one! Why not just say treatment is so advanced nowadays and lots can be done for me?

And the volunteer at the centre who twice asked about me taking my hat off!! There is a reason love! This is a cancer care centre innit??? Well, I didnt complain about her but I told the nurse and they have all been spoken to and no one will be made to feel as anxuous as I did hopefully in future!

I did have a kind of funny one though. A guy I know (slightly tipsy) who knows my situation came in and looked shocked and shouted ‘Omg, you look so well!!!’ I was in a playful mood and I know him so I replied ‘Erm, how am I meant to look?’ He went speechless but I let him off as hes a nice guy! He later then told me his sister is going through through similar stuff but doesnt look good! I told him wigs and make up make a lot of difference!! He hasnt spiken to his sister for years after falling put but rhis has got them together.

Please share your experiences! X

Oh I’ve had the “it’s the best cancer to have” comment. And someone else told me my treatment plan sounded very routine … no, I don’t think so!!! (I think it was well meant, but just not thought through).


One of my friends told me that my treatment plan sounded brutal. I had no idea how to respond to that. I know she didn’t mean to upset me but I was quite upset by it.


It is stramge how people have disappeared and yet some who you would never have thought are aroumd for you.xx

Brutal and routine are not what we want to hear! Good for your friend Rosie.xx

Thanks for sharing this feisty flora.xxxx

Al least I have the excuse of not having to buy loads of gifts ovet Christmas.?

I realise it is very hard for people around us to know what to say but here are a few I’ve had said to me that probably are best unsaid!

the best cancer to have ! Er no the best cancer is none!

you’re a tough old bird! - not sure where to start with this one! I thought I was a youthful 56 year old! 

After your hair falls out and you stop being sick everything will be ok!- this was said by a retired nurse who should know better! 

Good girl- see above. I am 56 years old!

i’ve only been diagnosed a few weeks so sure there will be more bloomers to come!

Yes I have had ‘best type of cancer’

Have also had if anyone can beat it you can … what’s the other option

Fed up of people whinging ‘oh this headache is killing me ‘ no it’s not don’t be so dramatic

Of course you will feel unwell they are pumping you fill of poison … Er no I prefer the word medicine

Why are you not coming out how much more sleep can you need ?

So does the injections hurt ?

Oh my gosh I sound like a moaning Mildred maybe we should write a book lol x

Ive had all of these too! The new one is ‘You are nearly there!’ Erm, no I’m not. Still got one last cycle and 16 Herceptins, then a month later an op to take away lymph nodes, then 15 rads after I’ve recovered and then 10 years hormone tablets!!!

And the other ’ You are doing so well’!!!
How do tou know? You’ve not seen me!
You dont see me when I’m crying my eyes out and trying to deal with all the treatment and emotions!

Anyway, there will be more to come but I guess we get more tolerable as we go along.x

My face smiles

My brain screams shut up idiot

Good job I can keep it shut … for now ???

Over 70 that must have been annoying but well done on completing treatment x

I am smiling so much at your posts. I’ve had all this lot, from well meaning (but slightly stupid) people. Bottom line - no one can really know what it feels like to go through this journey until they’ve done it themselves.

Happy Sundays to all.

I’m off out for cake. Nothing changes there then!


Morning Rosie enjoy your day xx

Yep I’ve had most of the comments above. I think cancer is almost a taboo subject that people don’t want to talk about. I’ve always talked openly and honestly about it since diagnosed. If someone asks me how I am I have no trouble telling them I’m feeling pretty **bleep** or maybe slightly less **bleep** than yesterday. Some people almost panic and just spout the first comments that pop into their head. For me someone just genuinely asking how I’m feeling today or asking if there’s anything they can do to help is enough. Well I prefer they come and visit and bring cake obviously

Cassie x

Too true Cassie

I think I scare some people though with my honesty and they give me cake to shut me up ?? x

Wise words sue
I find some people often don’t ask how are you because I think they are frightened of what I might say and they don’t know how to respond if I say well actually I feel pretty ?

Love that quote Sue and glad you are ok after 4 years. I had a panic attack last week when my friend tagged me on a post on facebook ‘Chemo’. I have lots of family and friends overseas and just dont want any fuss or unecessary worry for anybody . Also dont want people approaching my mum who is 81 and been through Colonic Cancer 10 yearx ago. She pretty much kept it from everyone aiart from my brothers and myself and told people afterwards.
Dealing with it is hard in itself never mind the extra gossip when blown out of proportion.x

Morning everyone, 

After reading the initial post on here and a few replies, I can’t help but feel I am the exception to the rule and I don’t take any offence to people who “put their foot in it”.  Let’s face it, we’ve all been there and been insensitive, been the ones to put our own feet in it at times, and wondered what happens to others going through difficult times, so it’s natural for people to not know what to say and perhaps say things that might hurt your feelings. I have noticed this is affecting everyone around me more than it is me. Yes I have the physical side and emotional ups and downs that come with this, but everyone else it feeling pity and sympathy and they just want to help. 
I’ve always been the sort to wear my everything on the end of my sleeves, I’m very open and honest and I’ve nothing to hide, even if I’m angry, upset, afraid, whatever it is, people know about it.  I’ve told everyone since my diagnosis not to dance around me or  tiptoe round me.  If they have what they feel is a stupid question, or they don’t know what to say, just come right out and say it and be honest because I just don’t have the time or energy to second guess what people are thinking or feeling about it. 

I’ve stopped the tiptoeing by dealing with it head on and so far have been finding this works. The more we talk about this, the more it is normalised and people can understand it better.

Fab post, Nicolad, I pretty much feel the same way & certainly remember in hindsight, that I may well have done similar in the past pre bc.
Mostly, others are well intentioned, even if it doesn’t feel like it, when on the receiving end.

I understand what you are saying Nicola but we are just having a say on here as thats what the forum is for, as we all understand. If you met me you would think I am the same too but this forum is for us to have a rant and say what we feel too and a bit of banter, rather than just talk about Breast Cancer all of the time!
I havent taken ‘offence’ to anyone and as a person who is dealing with many people daily even through chemo and continuous fundraising to help others I talk openly about it! In my area I am known for helping people giving people chances, especially my staff and my young teenage potwashers who are all learning like my daughter but erm if a customer says to me ‘Has chemo treatmemt stunted your growth?’ Twice on a charity night which I’ve organised through treatment to benefit our younger generation, it really didn’t go down well. Friends and family are different but I most certainly have heard about many people falling out through treatment because of how people speak or react, which is a shame!
I wasnt rude to her as I know she may have problems in her life to belittle me and use chemo to put me down as I have learnt from my parents that nobody is perfect and anyone can say the wrong thing at the wrong time. What sounds right for one, may not for another! Thank you for your comnent and well done for dealing with people so well!