Ami And Em 
Brilliant…
B Brave
R Radiant
I Independent
L Looney
L Lovely
I Ingenious… or is it spelt with an E???
A Awesome
N Naughty
T Treasures…all You Flutterbys xxx
Have a BRILLIANT weekend one and all big hugs
xxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxx
I DID start something, didn’t i? Brilliant, Flutterbyes… love them!
Hi-I have only just found this thread and am so pleased that I’m not the only one out there feeling guilty for being lacking in energy and desperately seeking the old me!
I had lumpectomy last March, chemo until September then double mastectomy at the end of September, then went back to work 3 weeks later on phased return for 4 weeks. I worked full time through rads and managed beautifully until I broke up for Christmas (I am a teacher!) But now I am exhausted and have caught 3 colds in the last month. I keep chastising myself for not being able to do what I could before and I find it very frustrating. I know I went back to work very early but needed to for financial reasons (I am a single parent) and I also missed my job terribly. Reading all your posts has really helped me and I am going to take your advice, Jane and be a bit kinder to myself from now on. Thank you all
Rachel x
Hi Rachel
I’m so glad you did find this thread! You’ll be welcomed by everyone, I know. What an awful lot you’ve been through in less than a year. It’s no wonder you are exhausted and so run down to catch colds, you can’t expect to do too much too soon, flutterby! I think we go on auto pilot until treatment is finished, doing all we can to fight BC but when that’s over, we don’t give ourselves chance to recover. You need to give yourself a bit of TLC and build up your immune system again. Surgery, chemo and rads is such a massive assault on your body. I can see that going back to work is normality again but it must also be extremely tiring! Don’t kid yourself you’re alright when you don’t feel it. Look after yourself Rachel.
Sending a big hug
Ami xx
Welcome Rachel
Yes it is so awful when you plan to be ‘yourself’ again only to find you have gone awol without realising it! It’s a long old road and the ladies on here are amazing they are always here when you have a bad day and as you can see it does lift your spirits! The is still you just peeping out from all the c**p you have been under it may take a while but honestly you will find yourself creeping out somewhere you find a new you which I think I have become! Not too sure sometimes but that is what this thread is about. Well flutterbys off to work and hope I get through this week unscathed 'cos it’s ‘H’ week :(( Never mind only 4 to go after this week!! so :)) got to go be well and stay warm if you can! Doz hope work was kind to you? Big group hugs Em xxxxx
Hi Rachel
What can I say that the other flutterbys Em and Ami hav’nt already said… The best thing I have found about chatting with the girls on here that has given me the best support is… knowing your not on your own!!
The assault of BC leaves us all feeling “different” I was just the same as you with my attitude to going back to work early…a couple of weeks after R/T and I’m not actually sure it was really me out there doing my job (still have the awol feeling now and then)and still have my off days that take my feet out from under me… 
I suspect its going to take a while for life to get back on an even keel and if your taking post meds too then its a long long hormonal journey.
Being kind to ourselves is a must as my BC nurse has said and… taking each day at a time, as each can be different as we’ve all found. You’ve been through such a massive upheaval and it does take a long time for the body and mind to heal…sooooo
Welcome to the PJ clad… ladies who listen who will support you with an amazing sense of humour who can make you laugh when you feel like crying (often) and who will show you that when your feeling oh so low that they can post with the most random halarities (is that a word?)that they make you feel absolutely normal!!! xx
Hi Em big hugs for H day… virtual hand holding on its way… Work was… a struggle!! 3 long days on the trot, but the good side is i’m now off for 4 days woohoo!!!xx
Janice my thoughts are with you today hoping your appointment is’nt too stressful… xx
Massive ((hugs)) to my lovely flutterbys keep warm and healthy much love alwayz Doz xxxxxxhugxxxxx
Hello everyone and welcome Rachel
App went well today found it hard at one point not to laugh I was standing there and the consultant was just staring at my breast thinking and I was giggling inside wondering what he was thinking.
He is going to try some remedial surgery by releasing the scar tissue and hopefully dropping my breast to its correct position as its 3 cms higher than my right one (which he did say was a nice shape)inside giggles again ha ha.will be ages as it is 18 week waiting list so at least it wont be snowing this time round.
Will be thinking of you Emmy.Big Hug for you
Ami hope the wrist is doing okay and you are getting to use it a bit more
Doz rest well when you are home from work and big hugs to all you flutterbys Janicexx
Hello Rachel and welcome!
The girls here are lovely. I totally understand your need to ‘get on with things’ and the financial stress is awful. I have been so lucky. From op to end of RADS was barely three months and no chemo for me.
I was well supported at work (teacher too) but my ONC insisted I didn’t work through RADS, hence I was just in and out pottering and doing admin but the contact with work kept me sane. I was really starting to switch off and had trouble making conversation and being interested in much. Being back at work proper has kick started me cognitively and really helped but you have my utmost respect for keeping going through it all.
Now time to say ‘no’ sometimes. Try not to take on too many working parties and initiatives ahem!
Hi Janice, ooh sounds promising then? Hope the wait is bearable.
Doz enjoy your well deserved days off! Look after yourself too Emmy.
Bye for now carolyn x
Janice thats really good news you must be really chilled now its all over and sounding so positive with your nice boob :)ha ha I can just see you grinning like a cheshire cat bless ya…
It sounds like we have the same kind of thing…ish My boob is quite tight underneath and the BC nurse reckons its due to cording… and said it can be released but as yet has’nt really been a problem, tho its still only a year and they dont consider recon till then… but as I said earlier I dont think i’ll bother unless it does become troublesome… as I’m such a coward so good on you for following it up xxx
Love and hugs to you all xxxxhugxxxx
Hi All that I read n this site is truly amazing. You are all heroines. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 14 years ago this year. Yes it does change your life and know one knows what it feels like to wake up in the night with panic attacks and the dread of hearing test results. I count myself as one of the fortunate ones I had lumpectomy and mastectomy within a short time. Highly receptive to oestrogen so went on tamoxifen.Had the usual side effects but managed it with with homeopathy. In reality know one really talks about how your sex life changes or how you cope with your new body image. I was fortunate to have a loving husband who loves me for me. The question is do you love yourself??? Do you really love you. Why not, you are beautiful, just as you are. We all are.
I’ve re-invented myself because I’m not the same person that I was but I still have the same fears and concerns but I have learnt tools to help me deal with them. I was terrified of hospitals hence only having my reconstruction last year thirteen years on! I sailed through it. Looking back I needed all that time to be gentle with myself, jim jams and all, to grieve for the old me, to yearn for the new me who could belly dance and jiggle my bits as I now have the cleavage. I don’t have to fear any more of losing my chicken fillet when I dance.I’m learning to dance with life and if anyone wants to meet up in Nottingham for a coffee I would be
happy to meet you. Please drop me a private message and I will contact you.Love & hugs xxxxx
Hi to everyone, it’s lovely to see this thread growing!
Emmy: I can’t believe it’s another H time, the weeks have sped by. Apprehensive, I know you’ll be, but glad to think it’s another one to bite the dust! Breeze in there and get it done with, flutterby, then home to the PJ’s. Keep that thought in your head.
Doz: Hope it’s not snowing at your end on your days off. And I do hope you’re doing, ‘not much’, but enough to lift your spirits. Bet it’s bloomin’ freezing near the river. If it’s icey, don’t do my trick, you’ve already done yours with your knee!
Janice: Your consultation sounds great news, but I must agree, it feels a bit surreal when someone peers at your private bits, don’t you think? Everyone in the room trys to be appear normal, although we forget they see it all everyday! I think he must certainly have been admiring that ‘nice shape’. My wrist is coming along OK thanks. I’m trying to keeep the armour off as much as I can bear and move it, but it’s still swollen and hurts. Anyway, I can do more than I could so that’s great.
Phoenix Woman: Sounds to me like you’re the heroine! It’s a long road, isn’t it? When I get insecurities about day to day things like my hair, weight, etc., my lovely OH tells me it doesn’t matter and I know he means it. He always manages to help me get things in proportion. I suppose it’s vanity, or is it just that I’m different to look at and I haven’t got used to it? I’m not sure. Yes, I’ve also lost my bit, but I can still belly dance and shimmy, there’s even more jigglyness to wobble!
Lovely to read all your posts,
Ami xx
Hi Flutterbys… new and old xx
Ami its absolutely freezing here today and yes through all the hot flushes etc i’ve still had to turn the heating up!!! Now thats unheard of and Vikki’s delighted I’m such a scrooge when it comes to paying too much for my heating bills ha ha!!!
Car has been covered in frost all day and has’nt thawed ( my poor Car I love her!!) I bought it… her (Martha) for my 60th its a Mazda MX5 sports car and she still makes me smile when I turn the engine on
Love the summer when I can take the hard top off and flick the soft top down… here I go dreaming about summer SIGH!!! I wish!!!
Relaxing and PJ…ing today and really enjoying it i’ve watched 2 films and 3 antique programmes now thats being lazy ha ha!!! I have cooked a beef casserole so not quite grown roots from my backside!!!
Hi P W and welcome…thats very lazy of me sorry hon
But its a lazy day that is inspiring me how wonderful to hear your story and to know i’m not the only one who has put recon on the back burner tho i’m still the coward as you finally did it well done :-0 I’m not too worried about how I look as this is me now and from the top (cleavage) its hardly noticable as its all underneath… tho have been told my boob could shrink over time but i’ll go with it for now and as i’ve no partner… when my prince comes he’ll take me for what I am i’m sure?? One can hope
Its so good to hear someone talking who’s so far down the line and to hear the successful re-invention and to realize it is ok to grieve for yourself as one thing i’ve learnt from here is that we need too!!
The re-invention of these beautiful flutterbys is on its way I just dont think any of us realized it would take such a long long journey to get there, thankyou for sharing with us hon xx
Love to the fabulous flutterbys who make this site possible STAY WARM big hugs to all xxxhugsxx Doz
Thank you all for your warm welcome
Doz, I’ve turned the heating up too, despite hot flushes. My girls are still shivering under blankets on the settee moaning that they’re cold. We’re drinking hot choc and eating cake to keep warm!
I was interested to hear from those of you who haven’t gone for recon, as I haven’t either. I am quite used to it now but sometimes do feel a bit sad when i can’t wear clothes I used to wear. Don’t think I will go down recon route though. My Mum has had double mx 38 and 34 years ago and no recon available in those days. She has never looked back and is happily still around to support me.
Keep warm everyone
Love Rach x
Hi Rachel
Heatings still up and its sooooo cold mind you if I moved more I might warm up on that note i’ve decided today I will go for a swim!!! Mad or what!!!
The recon thing is such a personal choice and I admire anyone who agree’s to go back for it…EEEEK!!! but the mind still goes wobbly when I think about it so for now i’ll stay a bit lopsided
Stay warm flutterbys and big hugs xxxxhugxxxx
Hi all! Wow how many flutterbys? Lovely just what we need, keep thinking of the film Short circuit! More input!!! How sad am I? I did love it though. Well lovelies the dreaded ‘H’ but at least I know to take Piriton for a few days and it certainly helped! So a big up for chemo nurses.
Flipping freezing and forecast to get colder UGH!!! I WANT WARM SUN! Well just having a 'ickle tantrum! How the heck is everyone? Janice get your coat girl you pulled! I don’t know how you kept a straight face,I have this lovely mental picture of a serious looking man going hmmm! that made me laugh! I did have a lovely onc when I went for rads along with a male nurse who were a delight as I was upset 'cos hubby had been rushed into hospital night before with blues and twos ,so was a gibbering wreck! Onc said look at this I trained as a doctor for 5 years and as an onc for 5 what do I get to do??? Draw squares on bosoms! Male nurse was taking pics of said square for booster rads and said he could download straight to FB! Yes my face was a picture! Ah well flutterbys will be back so get them PJ’s and warm blankets out it looks like it’s gonna be cold for some time! Big hugs Em xxxxxxxxx
Hello girls,
Lovely post there Emmy. just popping in to say hello. Early night for me. Take care one and all!
Carolyn x
Hhhhellloooo Fffluuuttterbys ITS FFFFFFREEZING!!!
My goodness where’s the sun to warm us up a bit???
Took Ben for a very quick walk this morning… and now snow is threatened…EEEK!!!
I hope your H app goes well Em and the Piriton does its job?? I laughed so much at all the boob episodes, its good that we can when we’ve been through so much S***T keep them coming
Went to Dr’s yesterday with all my niggles… been getting pains in my rib and shoulder blade on my BC side…she suggested a chest x.ray! managed to get straight in for it at the walk in x.ray clinic at the hospital where I work, yesterday afternoon… so keeping fingers crossed its just an effect of rads???
Also had a bit of thrush?? yuk!!! and the pharmacist would’nt let me have the Once tablet without a prescription due to age and meds??? So been squirming in my chair for the last few days JOY!!!
Oh well urine sample sent off and bloods tomorrow (in case its an ovary inf,) no smear thank goodness as Dr does’nt think its thrush… more likely to be irritation from side effects of Letrozole!
God what a whinger I’m turning out to be!!! SORRY Flutterbys xxx
I want the old me back who could brush the odd problem off without being such a worrier!!!
Is it too late to make a new years resolution??? TO STOP WHINGING!! ha ha…
Hope your all well and keeping warm… love and big hugs xxxxxhugxxxx
Hi everyone, keep expecting to see the snow that’s been forecast when I look out of the window!
Doz: I must admit, I’m ready for some sunshine, myself. I’m not looking forward to the snow at all. I don’t blame you for enjoying a bit of laziness, watching films etc on Tuesday, you deserve it. I’m trying to get moving, counting steps, aiming for 10,000 a day - ha ha!! If I do that maybe I’ll have to turn down the heating, now there’s a thought, mmm… Don’t know how long that will last though but I’ve got to get myself active more. This wintery time of year doesn’t motivate me to be active. You’re bound to be worrying about your xray, lovely, it’s only natural but I’m glad you got straight in and done with. I’m just wondering if you’ve been sleeping in an awkward position on your weak side? About thrush, if it is that, some live yogurt will clear it, eating it and pessary (I stress, in that order!!) he he.
Emmy: Been thinking of you and the H today. I do hope the Piriton worked. A lady who used to sit next to me at H used to fall asleep as soon as she was given the injection and happily slept through it all. I haven’t seen the film Short Circuit but I laughed at the drawing of squares on the bosoms. All these bosom episodes reminded me of a teacher in junior school. When anyone used the word ‘bust’ instead of ‘broken’ she always stuck out her chest, pointed at it and exclaimed, “This is the only bust!” with the emphasis on ‘this’, which had us all sniggering away behind our hands!
Rachel: Yes, I also have to think about what I choose wear. I look OK standing straight in lowish things but I have to be aware of what others can see if I bend and stretch! I can’t wear some sleeveless things, either. It’s lovely to hear about your mum though - that’s really inspiring to us on here.
Hope everyone’s all snuggled up tonight.
Hugs to all on here, Ami xx
Morning Flutterbys
This is not going to go down well but its snowed and everything looks soooo pretty… I secretly love it Sorry girls xxx
Hi Ami… Its not through sleeping on it I wish it was just that… I’ve had a problem with it since the morning after my op… the consultant said at the time the pain in my back was from the anaesthetic procedure they use. Sort of like an epidural, (6/7 injections around your back and chest area) its so your not put under too deeply, they do that here at our Hospital tho not sure they do it everywhere?? Its always been there but not usually a problem until just recently?? Maybe its a bit of nerve damage??? will find out soon… hopefully nothing serious?
Love to you all…Keep warm and no slipping any of you!!! xxxxxxxxxxhugxxxxxxxx
Hi all! Well they got it in one! Inside of wrist again owww! but in one so not ungrateful! The piriton is holding tummy steady so it is a reaction to ‘H’ not IBS! We haven’t had any snow here but sooo cold! It’s forecast for Sat night here and yes like Doz I like to see the snow as long as I don’t have to drive in it! I hope all flutterbys are all warm ,cosy pj’d and blanketed! Well I am and intend to stay put! Take care all and hugs Em xxxxx