Oh dear def losing the plot wrote long post but don’t know what happened as disappeared so just a short one Elsa and Yvonne hugs on their way and some spoons for all you lovely ladies thinking of you all as I set off for bed sleeping quite well shuts out the day as a bit down as worried about my grandson as they think he may have autism and I can’t be much help as they live in Lincolnshire and you can’t just pop in.Redness settling got cream from doc yesterday so much improved.
Love and hugs to all night night Janice xxx
Hav’nt got much time to post tonight flutterbys but just caught up on all the posts and wanted to say i’m so sorry for all your troubles 
Tomorrow is another day and with it I wish all your troubles away and send massive hugs to each and everyone of you xxxxHUGSxxxx Just remembered my app, at the eye hospital next week and got the dreaded cold sweat feeling EEEEK…
One of these days we’ll be posting happy posts!!! xxxhugxx
HI all
Hope to find you all enjoying your weekend.
All well in our house hold, even tho i got letter from my consultant, telling my GP, that my mammo results had not been reported, and that from my consultants non radiologists eye all looks satisfctory, but depends on the final report. so still feel i have not got full closure and it would be worth while referring me to a Lymohoedema service, which i think is a good thing, cuz over the last few days my arm is slightly swollen, dont know if i have been over doing the exercises to the breast, and its effecting the arm, will see to it this week, i feel as if everything has been one long drama, tho i have great faith in my consultant which gives me great comfort.
Well my mum is doing well, after her op and is up and about saying “told you its nothing to worry about”
Thanks for letting me have my rant cheers xxxxxxxxx
Hi Gardenparty
It is a pain having to wait for the final word bless you and the long drama of it all makes us need the results even tho you’ve been told the results its good to have them in your pocket if you know what I mean…
As for going to see the Lymph nurse its a must if your arm is swelling and your BC Nurse can refer you if you get in touch, this happened to me and they were really quick with the referal.
Glad to hear your Mum is doing well 
that must be such a relief!
Vikki finally had her Hickman line put in on friday she went to the other Hospital for it at 9 so we were expecting her back late afternoon… BUT transport didnt come for her till 8,00pm so for the first day since going into hospital I didnt get to see her… I felt really sad as I could have gone to the other Hospital had I known she was being left for so long Oh well whats a day in the greater scheme of things!! She is doing well and the line is working for her so it will give her veins in her hands time to recoup!!
The consultant she is now under came to see us on saturday to say the blood results were showing some improvement and if all goes well with this new line she can come home in 2/3 weeks and will go in as a day patient mon, wed, and fridays each week for IV’s BUT the physio’s need to get involved now as she still can’t sit properly… so long haul not over yet… and I need to sort out with work to get the 3 days off each week!!
Starting to get the collywobbles now for my Eye app, tomorrow
Oh its all go!!!
Hope you lovely flutterbys are ALL well its a while since you posted so I hope its because your all fluttering around happily??
Love and hugs to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi gardenparty glad things are fine with your mum .I never got a proper letter re my mammo results as my consultant gave them to me so I wouldn’t worry about it too much.Hope that you get you referral soon and spoons and hugs heading your way.
Doz glad some things are moving forward for Vikki and I am sending a hug especially for her along with one for you and some spoons for you as well.Vikki is so lucky to have you near her.
Emmy thanks again your post has helped me immensely hope you are doing okay.Hope all you other flutterbys are doing okay I am not doing to badly although attended a friends funeral today so that wasn’t very good but her husband was so positive it was unbelievable as he knows she can now rest and be pain free.
Love and hugs to all and hope you are all okay Janice xxxx
Hello Flutterbies! Long time no flutter here… I’ve been to Northumberland for the weekend, and stayed in swanky National Trust cottage(s) with friends who were celebrating a joint “big birthday”. It was great fun because the male half of the couple didn’t know anything about it, other than something was happening. The cottages housed them, their daughter and three sons… then their son (& wife) from London arrived… and we arrived… full house! Lovely meal out that evening (the three boys are fabulous) Restaurant provided a huge chocolate cake with candles (for nothing!) And on Sunday, just as He sat down with a paper, his neighbours arrived… followed by old friends and more old friends… his face was a picture. Food materialised and it was all great fun. Lovely people, lots of love and laughter… definitely worth the long drive. One cottage overlooked Cragside’s formal gardens (strange people kept wandering round “our” garden!) and the other overlooked rolling hills complete with sheep and tiny lambs - spectacular!
Doz - just about caught up with you and Vicki…(still sounds hard) but not going to attempt to catch up with everyone… may I just flap my wings at you all and hope for a good week? Hugs to any who need it… and… good to be back! love Jane
Hi Flutterbys
Thanks Jane we’ll get there xx
Just whiling away an hour before my Eye appointment… for the first time I was awake before the alarm!!!
Am I worried er??? I reckon!!!
The thought of someone prodding and poking my eye curls my feet up!
EEEEEOOOUW!
Weather has turned wet and windy it just cant make its mind up.
Stay warm and dry girlies love and hugs as always xxxxxxhugxxxxx
I haven’t posted or caught up with the Forum postings after a lovely holiday in Scotland. It would appear that things have not been going well for some of you. The wonderful thing is the way the support comes rolling in. Somebody is truly listening to your problems.
It is grotty wet day here, but the water table needs it. We are moving our boat to a new marina soon and there are restrictions on many locks.
I must get motivated and get out of the house. We are going to dinner tonight with a friends to celebrate her 65th!! How time flies, we have been good friends for thirty years. Wrapping paper and bows needed to be bought. I hope she likes the watercolour we got in Scotland (she is a Scot) the only problem is after buying it I read the info re the artist , and she comes from Newcastle…oops. Still the croft and sea look good!!
Take care all
Cackles
Emmy Hope you’re keeping what bit of energy you have and aren’t losing it! Keep on trucking. Finishing line’s not to far away now!! Are you back at work this week?
Janice
Oh what a worry with your Grandson. I do hope things turn out OK for you all. Hope by now your redness has subsided and you’re generally feeling a bit better and managing to sleep. I find I can cope much better if I get proper sleep.
Doz
How did your eye appointment go?? I didn’t realise it was today, so really sorry for that. I’m supposed to be in the hand holding team, so slapping my wrist is on the cards!! Ooh the thought of prodding and poking your eye?? Do hope it wasn’t too bad! The Hickman line should be much better for Vikki, although having it’s not nice, she must be relieved in a way. Hope it’s helping the veins to become juicy again! It will be lovely for you both to have her home soon - get back to a little normality after soooo long! She must feel a bit institutionalised.
Garden party
Hope your swollen arm is improving. Although I’ve had Lymph Gland removal, I’ve been lucky enough not to suffer with any discomfort or swelling. I expect you are still worrying about your mum. I suppose it’s worse when you can’t actually see her to settle your mind.
Jane
Sounds like you had a really great break. Just what the doctor ordered! It’s so nice to have a lovely surprise for someone, sounds like a real party, bet there were lots of smiling faces!!
Cackles
Great to hear from you. I was wondering where you’d disappeared to!
Haven’t lost weight…. Bought myself some big clothes instead! Huh! Not been naughty eating things I shouldn’t, either!
All you other Butterflies, Caroline, Elsa and anyone I haven’t mentioned, I’m sending hugs and hand holding if needed. Our Flitter of Flutterbys is getting bigger!
Love Ami xx
Oh Jane how lovely for you staying here in Northumberland we often visit Cragside as it isn’t too far away for us.
Ami thanks for your kind words my son is so stressed he doesn’t get much sleep then drives to work which is an hour and half each way so just wish we lived nearer but hopefully he will be able to get more help once they get a def diagnosis.Hope you are well and your garden is surviving this weather its freezing here one day then quite mild the next so poor plants are all confused a bit like me.Boob much improved and much more comfortable so was worth it.
Doz hope your eye app wasn’t too bad for you I hate anything to do with eyes they would have to knock me out to examine mine ha ha.
Cackles glad you had a nice time in Scotland my daughter lives in Dunfermline so we get to go there quite often.
love and hugs to all the lovely flutterbys Janice xxxx
Hi Girlies
Good news for once :)after a long awaited app, it seems I have a partial detatchment of the retina which I had been told by the Opthalmic guy I saw a few weeks ago… the consultant I saw today confirmed it and said its quite common as we get older… there goes that word again!!! AGE!!!
After having the dreaded drops that blind you and a yellow substance put into my eye I was told its not serious woooohoooo!!!
It was very serious trying to see my way back to the train station tho The drops seemed to carry on working even after I left so by the time I got on the train my eyes were crying yellow tears and I could hadly focus… I must have looked a right sight!!
Could’nt drive for 5 hrs so just been to see Vik’s and now home in PJ’s
Janice I so feel for your son my nephews son is autistic and until you get a definate diagnosis its not an easy time for those involved but there is so much that can be done to help nowadays so keep your chin up hon and just be there for your son when you can i’m sure he understands bless you all xxx Glad to hear the booby is behaving and it is settling down well you must be so relieved now its done… I so wish I had the courage to go there, I just cant face more hospital treatment at the moment, maybe one day xxxx
Cackles welcome back hope you had a lovely night… we used to have a boat at Windermere (when I was married) we spent 14 yrs going there each weekend and thoroughly enjoyed it… miss it a great deal as we made lots of friends there so it was like home from home, we tried a season in Hull Marina but the River Humber is too unpredictable so we didnt get out much soback to Windermere we went… Happy days :)xx
Ami… I forgive you I still felt the hand of friendship I always do at bad times xx Vikki is coming on well with her Hickman (Central) line and they are talking about physio starting tomorrow to build her leg muscles back up… she can manage to stand and walk for a few mins but is still having a lot of trouble sitting hopefully this will start to help her… fingers crossed then we can get her home and as you say get some normalicy back… I dont know where the past 3 months have gone it seems to have flown by in a blur, but were still here and still standing just!!!
Vikki has asked to be at the meeting with the Matron from A&E re the complaint and we are hopefully all meeting up in Vikki’s room next week, she seems very nice and accomodating so I dont feel quite so intimidated by the thought of them coming to see us… I still feel attitudes should be looked at re back pain and not brushed off as always being muscular so I will stand my ground if need be…
As for the weight SOD IT we are what we are sweetie and if we are a bit overweight then there is just a bit more of us for someone to love :)xxx
Em I’m sending you some magic spoons I found while going through all this trauma they worked for me so I think its time to share them with you hon… hope you are ok xxxx
All of you beautiful butterflys out there are in my thoughts, its lovely to read the good times you’ve been having long may they last love and hugs hand holding and spoons to those in need xxxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxx
I would like to second Doz’s comment about the weight…sod it too!!I’ve been told that if I go ahead with a reconstruction that I will have to lose weight first but I don’t think I’m going to go ahead with it…the thought of more surgery and hospital visits…i don’t think so…not yet anyhow.
Still waiting on my CT results…got fed up of waiting so called the BCN yesterday but she said my results weren’t on their system yet…more waiting for me then!I feel ‘stuck’ if that makes sense, until I know what the scan shows. I can’t allow myself to plan ahead yet, I’d feel like I was tempting fate. Before I was told that I needed this scan I was planning to go back to work but I’ve put that on hold for now.
Jane-your Northumberland break sounded fantastic, it’s a part of the UK I’ve never visited but really want to. Brings to mind windswept moors and wild seas and Lindisfarne!
Janice-sorry to hear about all the stress and anxiety you’re all going through with your grandson. Is he in the process of being assessed for autism or are you still waiting for appointments?
I was reading old posts and comments and how BC changes the people we are…or were shall I say…especially Jane’s comment about learning to be gentle with the new you…its true. Some days I feel positive and strong but others I feel fragile, vulnerable and ready to explode! Yesterday was one of those days!!
Anyway, here’s to a more positive day…lots of hugs to everyone and virtual chocolate…guaranteed not to make you put on weight!
Hi flutterbys all! blimey I turn my back for 5 minutes and we have more flutterbys! Wonderful, well ami I know you are curious but still no resolution yet as I went to see my doc and then like the dippy lemon I am cried buckets! I honestly don’t know where it all came from but there I was so tired still, that I started out crying 'cos I was so fed up of being this tired weepy me which is not me! Doc just took one look and said he thinks I need counselling!? I am waiting for a referral for behavioural Cognitive Therapy? No idea but if it helps I will try anything right now! So doc signed me off for a month! I felt awful really this stupid guilt thing women carry if they aren’t ‘doing something’ has to go! I am now in countdown mode as we are going away at the end of this month we have booked a cottage in Wales just to get away from it all and to celebrate my last ‘H’. I am looking forward to it, we realised we haven’t had a holiday since 2009! I know we are in for the BIG one in Sept but I hadn’t thought about it till hubby pointed it out! No wonder we are both cream crackered as he too had health probs last year which he ended up off work with and having an op so all in all it’s been a long time so it will be nice to just ‘be’ for the week no apps,no ph calls, no issues! just being for a week heaven! I may even have a glass or two of the bubbly I had bought for me Mother’s Day which I haven’t felt like so still there! I see things are looking a little better for some and some still have their niggles so I am wishing them away for you all and hoping for better times for all!! WE SO DESERVE IT!!! Sending around some of Doz’s magic spoons.I hope you are all gently fluttering and so hope the weather turns again so we can spread our wings a little! Take care all big group hugs Em xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi all
Well went to GP, she seems to think i have nothing to worry about with my slightly swollen arm,and my breast that now feels like iam carrying a house brick around,
also said, i was over doing the exercises and to do them 3 x a day, thought catching this quick, was important. any way will keep an eye on it.
emmy: its sometimes good for our health to have a good cry, its a release of all pent up feelings, counselling is really good , my daughter had counselling at our GP’s for stress and other issues, has’nt looked back since, your hoilday in wales sounds wonderfull.
Dos:Hope your eye is better to day, great news that it can be treated.
Elsa:Waiting for results is the pitts, iam still waiting for my mammo results, just to see them in black and white, cuz know really that iam fine.Hope u have a more restful day tomorrow.
Sending hugs to all xxx i really am not much of a letter writer sorry xxxxxxxxx yvonne
Oh Emmy tears come so easily sometimes I know that when talking to my g.p sometimes its hard not to cry.I do hope your break does you and O.H good.It will be good for you to just chill.Things here not too bad son and partner have arranged small wedding on 26th May at their local church so will be able to attend as wasn’t going to Vegas so at least we will get to go to his wedding. still no app for the wee one wish they would hurry it up.Take care and rest well and thanks for sharing spoons
Doz glad to hear eye isn’t too serious you have enough to cope with as it is and you must have felt so re-assured.
Elsa I am fortunate enough to live in Northumberland and it is a fabulous place to visit and has more castles than any other county in England apparently.i know what you mean about fragile days I feel great and then all of a sudden wonder whats wrong with me as I cry at the least bit thing so we must all be the same in that way.Hope your results appear soon
Gardenparty I empathise with your brick boob as mine was like a rock until recently and is even better now I have had my scar revised.Iam glad I had more surgery as if I hadn’t dear knows when the cyst would have been found so I think it must have been fate.Hope you get your letter soon.
All you other lovely flutterbys take care and enjoy the virtual chocolate and so what if we are a bit overweight we are all still here love and hugs Janicexxx
Doz I’m so pleased your appointment went well. I did wonder if you’d gone on your own, without a bit of moral support, or driven there as those drops can be quite disabling. As you say….that word again ‘AGE‘. Well, flutterby, I’ve been thinking?? I feel honesty is the best policy here, so when someone asks your age, just say as I do…… you can’t remember!!! It must be difficult for Vikki to keep bright, but it sounds as if she’s getting the encouragement to become mobile again now. Given time and the physio you mention, you’ll see improvement every day. Hope your eye’s felt much better today.
Janice. I’m smiling at your description ‘brick boobs’….very apt! With everyone needing a cry, I hope you’re not joining in, though! Hope you’re recovering by the day.
Emmy I’m glad you cried, bottling it up is no good and they are the people who can help and yes, I agree with the guilt thing, try and get rid of it, but it’s so difficult, I’m the worlds worst! I hope you can enjoy your cottage holiday, at least you can please yourself in there and rest if you feel rubbish. Glad you got some more time off work.
Yvonne. Your arm and breast must feel really uncomfortable but it’s reassuring to find your GP so positive. Sometimes just hearing that makes us feel better about things.
Elsa. I can understand how you feel about further surgery….it’d bad enough when you have to, isn’t it? And the waiting for results is living in a limbo, you just need to get that result before anything else, I know. Sorry you had a bad day today - but days like that do seem to get lesser and lesser with time, hope the rest of the week is better, flutterby. Ooh, sending a gentle hug if you’re still fragile.
It seems we are all in agreement about the weight, so yes, I say sod it too, I’m fed up of fretting over it.
Tomorrow is another day, hope it’s good for everyone.
Ami xx
Hi Flutterbys
I can really empathize with the fragile days it must be normal with so many of us feeling them… its the days when it hits you square in the face what we’ve been through and had to endure and still going through! Some days I feel as if i’ve just completely worn myself out with no reason then other days everything and nothing starts the tears off, but as Ami says it does get less as time goes by but i’m not sure we will ever be the same person that we were,hopefully by the end of it all we will be a lot stronger in mind when everything has healed… and I do think the mind is the last thing on the agenda… its still early days for each and everyone of us with having to remain on the BC list for 5 yrs and it is always a reminder, so I think we flutterbys are doing well to acknowledge that were not quite right, its halfway to getting some normalicy back when we can get our feelings out in the open and seeing that we all feel the same… does that make sense?? felt as if I was rabbiting but knew what I was trying to get across… oh this brain of mine goes into reverse sometimes Ha ha!!! most times
Em you are now on the official countdown hon and with it i’m sending a ton of spoons to get you there and to enjoy your holiday you must be so relieved its almost over bless you… you and Colin must be soooo ready for a break after this last yr xxxxx
Janice what good news that you will be able to share your sons wedding… I have a fear that my offsprings will one day decide to get married abroad and weddings should be at home with all the family round… happy occasions should be cherished as they are few and far between… today I have my vulnerable head on I think silly me, what with all the chaos and trauma of the past couple of months I find it hard to prioritize what is and is’nt important so the head goes off in all directions!
At the moment i’m struggling with Vikki coming home they have said its possibly going to be at the end of next week eeeek! she still is’nt sitting and i’m worried about her getting in the car for day treatment at the hospital… being on her own when I have to work…not having the electric bed to help her get comfy and we’ve just been told the pain does’nt always go once the infection has been treated so not sure she will be able to resume work as a chef… its all a bit fragmented at the moment but i’m sure it’ll all fall into place, tho the thought of my 3 shifts a week and her 4 visits to the day treatment clinic leaves very little me time what a selfish Mum I am… she has’nt been offered transport as she has’nt asked for it but I think it has to be on the agenda for the times I cant take her it just means she will be stuck there till transport come for her which sometimes is’nt very prompt!
Oh well we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it it will be so good having her home again tho…
And the worries never cease for Daniel, he is being moved from Delaram to Kandahar for the next 3 months and he hates it there he said its dirty dusty and volatile, and the guys he’s got to know are all being moved to different camps so he’s not a happy bunny…
Oh the Joy!!!
Well the weather has been the pits this week… wind rain hailstone more wind more rain!! YUK!!
My eye has settled down well tho the floater is still dancing a jig when I look at anything bright so I guess i’ll have to live with it… at least the worry of that has now gone
I hope you are all taking good care and being gentle with yourselves we are very special people you know
Love and hugs and oooooooooh yes lots of that virtual choccy for you all (my kind of yum yum
onwards and upwards flutterbys xxxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh gosh i’ve just seen the length of this post…
Wakey wakey… sorry xxxxx
Hello all,
What a rotten time some of you are having. Hugs to everyone (and some of that calorie free chocolate stuff!)
Doz, huge responsibility having your Vikki home. I’m glad she’s improving but I do understand your fears for her. I hope it all goes smoothly. Think our oldest boy is going to get married in Mauritius, just the two of them!! Hopefully it’s not just so we avoid me meeting the ex wife!
Em I’m glad you are getting away. You have had such a rough time and really deserve it.
Ami bless you, you always say such positive and helpful things so I hope you are well and things are good!
Janice, I hope things go well at your son’s wedding. Lovely to have something to look forward to!
Yvonne, don’t worry about not being much of a letter writer. I’m not great just now. My concentration is rubbish and once I’ve sorted tea and put Lewis to bed I’m sure my brain departs!
No work for me tomorrow girls, and keeping Lewis off nursery because he has a temp and is achey. Hubby in London this week then Orkney next week and I always get knackered when he is away. (Sorry for the indelicate language lol!)
My aunt has had diagnosis revised to invasive lobular so waiting to find out what type of op she needs. She has had to cancel a trip to Sorrento with my mum, and other aunt. What a shame!
I worry a bit about my other aunt and mum now because, although I was first to be diagnosed with BC I know that my aunt’s did not show on mammo and they all have a ‘dodgy’ nipple! I was treated as a spontaneous case, not sure now.
Right ho then. Time to go to bed soon. I have a weeks residential with my class in 3 weeks. They were all laughing when we said lights out was to be half past nine and I said I was usually in bed by nine!
Bye lovelies. xxx If I have forgotten you (((()))))
hi everybody, i never thought i would be doing something like this but i have to get this off my chest. ive just found this site tonight. THAANK GOD!!! I thought i was going crazy. i finished rad on march 16th 2012. had been diagnosed by mammogram,just had lumpectomy, should be feeling relieved, happy and glad to be alive but im not. stuck in a big black hole and cannot get out. im usually very positive with a ‘get on with it attitude’ but i just cant now. glad to hear that im not on my own, and that hopefully one day i might find myself again. i feel so silly to be like this when i didnt even feel a lump or have any effects whatsoever. my family are supportive but im sure its getting them down seeing me moping around with absolutly no get up and go. ive been off work since diagnosis and am dreading going back. thanks for letting me get this off my chest, good luck to all of you. hopefully we will all be survivors together!!
Hi babysteps and welcome to the BCC forums
In addition to the support and shared experiences you have found here, our helpliners are also here to offer you further support and information to help you through, the lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 9-2 Sat on 0808 800 6000
The following link will take you to the BCC ‘Moving forward’ web page which you may find useful and help you to realise that the way you are feeling is very normal as I am sure your fellow users will tell you:
breastcancercare.org.uk/category/cancer-journey/moving-forward-breast-cancer
Take care
Lucy