RevCat has set up a TWEMPORARY private FB page called Surreal Benchland… I’m not sure, cause I think we really ought to be able to log on here and give each other support, but if any flutterby would like to join, PM me, and I’ll invite you! Flutter on… Jane
I would like to join you love Janice xx
And me! This has been real torture! xxx
I go away for a couple of weeks and come back to find this site has had its own transformation…and it hasn’t turned into a beautiful butterfly!!!
The last time I posted I was due to get my CT results as they’d found ‘something’ on my lungs…well the good news is that it isn’t cancer but I do have some scarring. I’ve never had problems with my lungs so I don’t know where this scarring is from. Still a bit worried as the consultant mentioned an auto immune disorder,which means I may need steroid treatment. Equally she said it may be nothing and I won’t need any treatment. So I am now waiting to see a respiratory consultant…how I just love going to the hospital!!! NOT!!
Been reading and catching up on everyone’s posts…hope all you lovely flutterbies are well and stretching out your wings in the warm sun…well, we can hope! What caught my eye was going back to work as I am starting to think about this now and to be honest it feels daunting. Like Emmy I’m thinking of at the very least changing what I do but I know this is difficult in this current economic climate. I work in Mental Health and don’t know that I can do it anymore, its an emotionally difficult job and I don’t know if I can remain detached enough to do it anymore if that makes sense. Need to think about this more methinks…
Hiya Flutterbys… Paragraphs still not responding
Unless I hold it down for ages then have to trawl back up!!!
We’ll get there i’m sure!!
Vikki had another MRI on thursday which showed permanent damage to her spine 
and the prognosis is’nt good for a complete recovery… I could weep buckets after all she has gone through to get to this stage… I will not let it get us down and i’m staying posoitive (there goes that awsome?? word again) as she is so happy to be home!
Had a really bad weekend at work and today feel as if i’ve been run over by a bus… 3 in fact! an early on sat and a double yesterday has floored me so now i’m in the league of “should I stop” and forgo lifes treats??? I will have to do these types of shifts for the next 7 weeks trying to fit Vikki’s outpatients apps, in and i’m not sure I can do it
If as the Consultant has said Vikki may never be pain free then her job is going to have to end as will her sick pay and it will be a nightmare so for the first time ever i’m considering looking at benefits for her… never thought i’d be in this position 2 yrs back when I decided to carry on working after retirement and BC but hey ho we never know what life will throw at us!!
Going for an xray on my thumb today to make sure there is no dislocation or ?? fracture! I’m sure its not a fracture but Dr wants to make sure before she sends me to see someone… I’m positive its the ligament (trigger thumb) so that will mean an op to release it… oh the B*****Y joy!! More hospital visits I could scream…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!
So happy to see you all back 
it is a pain getting onto where did I go it took me ages even tho I started it there is no link that I could find to get me here as we did before… so that is’nt good… by the time you get on you forget what you were coming on for ha ha!!!
Jane I will look for the benchland thread but feel really sad if the flutterby forum ends (due to this new site) we all came a long way together and had such a rappor… and flutterby for me meant friendship… hope… and empathy for each other. It will be a sad day if we all move on from being flutterbys!!
Lovely to read all the posts again and to see everyone back too numerous to mention but love to each and everyone of you… you have been missed xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Doz…so sorry to hear about Amy…it must be very difficult for both of you. Life’s a b****r, you are an inspiration because you are always so positive and upbeat and I love reading your posts.
Do we as flutterbies have to start a new thread…really don’t want to lose the support from everyone on this site…it has been a lifeline for me. I tried looking for the benchland thread but couldn’t find it…help!!
Hi all
Hello butterflies, been feeling nauseas all last week , wake every morning with it, still not gone completly, feels like iam sea sick all the time. havent heard from the lympho nurse yet, they were to get in contact after bank hoilday?
My daughter is 21 this thursday and a family meal has been set up , she does not want any fuss! but fuss she will get xxx she has a 2 year old daughter and a wonderful partner they have been together since their school days, she goes to collage and is now in her 3rd year doing accountancy, she has 3 big exams at the end of may and says thats more important, but she will have a great time.
Have i read this right Where did i go!!! is going to be no more! gosh when i find something really nice just for me (now) its wipped away, i have such a free feeling on this page, as all u butterflies have to do is take a deep breath when you know its me.lol lol lol. ( this has taken an hour ) glad to find u all doing well, going to post this if i can remember how.
take care one and all xxx yvonne xxx
Hi Flutterbys.
Where did I go WILL continue its been my lifeline for so long too so it will carry on regardless!!!
Janice so nice to see you posting again old friend and I mean the old as in long time not as in age!! xxx
Dont worry Ami I think somewhere along the line Vikki’s name got a bit muddled with yours so no honey were not meaning you I just love the fact that I was nearly halfway through your groundhog day post when I realized i’d re read the same thing without realizing it had duplicated DOH!!! How dumb am I ha ha xxxx
Had xray on thumb this afternoon just waiting for results now… they would’nt report on them while I was there which is a bit naff considering I work there… so having to wait till Dr gets them in the meantime its still pointing southwards at least I was able to go while Vikki was having IV treatment so didnt waste any time and the Nurse who does it for her was a BC patient herself who has really bad Lympho, she is quite an inspiration to anyone who suffers… tho she is still quite young and her energy levels have returned well bless her… better than mine i’m afraid but she runs the clinic single handed and is so happy in her work… so its a happy place for anyone having treatment!
Elsa did you have R/T?? as it can sometimes cause fibrosis on the lung if the therapy has caught it… Mine showed up on the last scan I had and as yet it has’nt been a problem… fingers crossed for you as its awful waiting but enjoy your holiday… its a must
Well done gardenparty as ever a lovely post bless you at least you got it on successfully which some of us have been having trouble doing… tho it seems the site is now sorted and if you tick the box to notify when new posts are put on… the link now takes us straight to the “where did I go” site… so YAAAAY they seem to be back up and running properly Happy 21st to your daughter xxx
Sun is shining and how good does it feel… I saw a white butterfly today a bit early?? but it was a reminder that even in dire conditions they still flutter as we all will love hugs and spoons to anyone in need and anyone who has the pleasure of being a Flutterby xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi flutterbys!!! Yes this thread will stay and seeing as we can now post hopefully we won’t have any further problems, funny how quickly we all miss each other! I certainly missed you all! I enjoy the banter, the support and of course the giggles which are abundant even when you feel c**p somehow we can make each other smile, this has been my lifeline and salvation!!!
I so hope everyone is well and Doz we have loads of beautiful butterflies here just now lots of white, orange tips and peacocks too (hubby is a fanatic so I learned by default!) I am so looking forward to some warm weather and love the sunshine just having that orange ball in the sky makes me feel so much better! I am also going to feel better just having the wonderful flutterbys within reach! That thumb of yours Doz is not behaving at all is it? on the other hand (scuse the pun not intended) it is lovely to hear that Vik is starting her journey back to something resembling some kind of normal which will hopefully make you feel better too.
Hi to everyone!!! How lovely to feel like I am back! Since this all started when we went on holiday it felt like forever! I am wondering how on earth I coped??? I am sending you the usual list of spoons and of course our group hug!!! Take care all Em xxxxx
This thread is def. not going… repeat NOT going… RevCat just set up something TEMPORARY for folk who needed support who couldn’t find their threads on this site (until they sort out Latest Posts) etc. I have “registered”, but to be honest, it doesn’t cut it (FB) that is - it’s not like this thread and the support we flitterbies give to eachother. KEEP FLUTTERING ON… (parody of Churchill’s KBO!!!)
Doz, I could weep for you and Vicki…
Hi to all the other flutterbies… SO good to have a string of stuff to read and… thanks for the Group Hug Emmm…
spoons at the ready… hankies pinched from Benchland… anyone seen The Woods recently?
love Jane
Doz- Luckily I didn’t have to have radiotherapy so really don’t know why I should have this fibrosis;trouble is, once somebody tells you you’ve got it, you start to imagine that you are a bit wheezy, chesty!!
GI-what is The Woods? If you mean the film Cabin in the Woods well yes, I have seen it and wouldn’t recommend it to anybody, such a dire film. I’d read that it had this fantastic twist at the end and there I was waiting for this twist and, well, it just never happened! I think the next film will be something more gentle like Salmon Fishing in the Yemen!
I’m meeting up with mu recently retired, older brother and elderly aunt tomorrow for a spot of lunch in North Wales, so should be fun. Hope the puds are calorie free!!
he he…The Dark Dark Woods was a thread last year, and it was fantastic. In the Woods we pitched tent during chemo… had flamethrowers to zap gremlines like “Ifeelsick”, hunted for sleep fairies (and passed them around to each other). We had a lake, a patisserie yurt, a pub (called the JM (Jingling Merkin)) and we moved through the woods to Rads Rushes and Tamoxifen Towers… all sorts of great times were had… lots of laughter and real humour, and loads of support in dark times… I guess they’ve served their purpose, but for many of us, they were a complete life-line.
I’m told puds are calorie free if you eat them standing up, or if you bless them first! Enjoy!
I’m glad we’re all so positive that we will carry on, on here!! It’s certainly helped our recovery, I‘m sure. I love the humour we share and the support.
Yes Elsa, as Doz suggests, if you’ve had radiotherapy it does scar your lungs, my onc. pointed this out to me before having it. I think our immunity gets so low with the treatment and we take a long time to recover though. It must be very daunting returning to work. I’m lucky enough not to have had to do it, but you can do without upsetting yourself. Are you going back gradually, ‘cos you might feel a bit delicate? Something will come along to tell you what to do, given time. What a blow for you both, Doz, with MRI scan. They always give you the downside though - the worst possible scenario, so hope you can both keep positive. Being home helps lots, but the next 7 weeks sound really hard for you. Those benefits she is entitled to can give you both the breathing space until Vikki can make decisions on life. You never know, the outcome could be a new positive path on life which had never been considered before! Really hope you don’t have to have an operation on your thumb, that’s another unpleasant thing to add to all the rest, flutterby! As for getting on this thread, I click on my history of websites visited and come straight to it. Yes, MY looooong post was most interesting, don’t you think??? He, he! Sorry to hear you’ve been feeling nauseous, Yvonne, hope it’s clearing up a bit by now. Lovely to hear you’re going to give your daughter a great birthday. She’ll enjoy it if it’s been arranged for her and a it’s a special birthday, will be a memory to treasure. Hope the sun has been shining for you in your parts, Janice. We’ve rustled up enthusiasm to cut the grass today as the weather looks unpredictable for the rest of the week but bright days like today really lifts you. I’m so glad you are telling us all that this thread is DEF not going, Jane. I don’t want things to change. I like it as it is! I’m missing your humour Carolyn, are you there? Nice to have you back after you hol, Emmy. O.H bought a butterfly house some time ago but we never had anything in it! Cat used it as a scratching post in the end!
Sending love to all and hope everyone is managing to keep on trucking!
Ami xx
stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND) - Page 288 - Breast Cancer Now Forum - 602969 Benchland is alive and kicking for those who want to venture in there and find the appropriate bench for your mood/state of mind… the more the merrier!
love and group hug flutterbies
Jane x
I am sure we will continue to post on OUR site so don’t worry flutterbys.I agree with Yvonne this site has been a lifeline for us all and I hope will continue to do so I think the other place is as well as this one.
Doz how sad about Vikki I hope you get all the help you need others get it and you have worked hard so you deserve any benefits you can get.I am glad she is home as that will make her feel mentally better if nothing else.
Elsa I fortunately didn’t have to go back to work as I was over 60 anyway but I agree you need to think hard about the job as you will be feeling fragile for a while do hope you manage to work something out.
Love and Hugs to all you flutterbys take care love Janice xxxxx
Hi Janice.
You are right she is much happier at home, in mood and spirit its just coming to terms with it all for one so young… I’m seriously looking at retiring now after last weekend being short staffed and busy… I’m not sure I can cope with the day after anymore, My poor body is definately not what it used to be before BC
I dont play badminton anymore which breaks my heart and also my knees… and now painting is near on impossible till I get my thumb sorted out so I need to think how Ami suggests… this could all be the start to a better life for us both and who knows what is around the corner… actually round the corner from me is a nursing home and they are needing night nurses 1/2 nights a week… I may just go and have a chat with them, then I can be around for Vikki more
Today is the first day in 8 weeks I hav’nt had to drive to the hospital WOOHOO!!! and true to form sat in my PJ’s and will not get dressed for anyone ha ha!!! catching up on ME!!!
Love and big hugs to all our flutterby friends I’m so glad were all back xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello Doz and everybody else on this thread! I have just found it after trying to navigate the new site. What a relief to find I’m not the only one who thought she needed a kick up the backside! My head sometimes feels like its going to explode with everyhting going round it, forgetting where I put things, going to wrong cupboards for things, having that constant thought at the back of my mind. I finished rads beginning of January this year and went on to Letrozole and I have trouble getting up as well. I have read lots of the posts and working my way through the rest but I feel better already knowing I’m not going MAD! Thank you
Stella
HUGS to all!xxx
Hi Stella Welcome to sanity!!! everything you have put is why we are here… and does’nt it make you feel rubbish!!! I’m on letrozole as are a couple of other flutterbys on here and necessary as they are they do cause some crazy side effects… not always but I think most will agree!! The getting up is the worst I feel 100 somedays… most days and if I sit too long in the same position I think I grow roots cos I sure cant get up!!! My paragraph spacer still wont work so I do apologize if its all jumbled… but at least we are back in full swing love and hugs hope to hear from you again xxxxhugsxxxx
Hi flutterbys! I am so glad we can post again! How did we get on without internet once upon a time? I have to say I never thought forums were for me and it took me such a long time of ‘lurking’ to join and now ?? I wouldn’t be without you all! 
Elsa I so understand your situation I have just given in my notice on my job after going off sick which surprised me but apparently no one else! I think you have to question what you really want to do and it took me 6 months to come to this and already I feel so much better knowing I haven’t got the stress any more, like most of us here I really can’t afford it but then on balance I had to ask myself if I had a choice I mean REALLY had a choice what did I want?? I know the first thing that popped into my head was no more stress and if push came to shove and I had to do something then it would be something I wanted to do, there are no easy answers you have to do what is best for you and only you know what that is, not easy so I am sending you a hug to help. 
Hi Stella kick up the bum? I don’t think so you are so, so normal! We have all been there and I have only just put down my hair shirt thanks to the lovely flutterbys for your support. I think going into wrong cupboards is exciting who knows what you will find! my biggest problem is with my memory which has gone totally haywire! I remember the most bizarre things and it is the everyday things/words that defeat me but then I get to do a sort of charades which those closest to me are becoming familiar with! 
Hi Doz I am so hoping this is the beginning of a new phase for you and things aren’t too serious with the thumb, I know you are worrying about Vik but we are worrying for you lovely it is time you had a break and you start to be kinder to yourself ! What an amazing mum Vik has now she is home I am sure she will albeit slowly get better but you need to come up for air and try to take some ‘me’ time out you so deserve it! 
Yvonne we my lovely are NOT going anywhere! I so hope your daughter’s birthday is as good as you want it to be and she has a lovely time, you sound so proud of her and I am sure she is as determined as her mother who we all love to hear from with your gentle humorous take on life!
ami I am soo glad you found us all again don’t you dare hide away again after all where would we be without you? I think you have a way of seeing things in such a positive way that it makes reading your posts a complete joy!
Hi Janice you are so right about feeling fragile after treatment! I am now just waiting to start feeling sort of better? I have to say the tummy thing is settling and am so chuffed that this time it is not in time for the next ‘H’ which was a real worry as the wheels go round when things hurt, I know it is part of the gift that keeps on giving but I will at some point (don’t laugh ami!) dance a jig when the energy comes back as I feel so free! No more every 3 weeks having to present my poor veins to be abused! 
Jane I hope your week is going well? I am myself beginning to see the woods for the trees and hoping things settle even further by next week and so on as I get further away from ‘H’! I am so glad to see the flutterbys fluttering back into life after the fright we had!
Carolyn I hope things are going well and you are not too tired, I am sure Lewis keeps you on your toes he sounds like a poppet! 
sometimes? if he is anything like mine were when they were his age!
I hope I managed to get if not all then most of you and if I missed you please forgive me as I go look in Elsa’s cupboards to find something interesting?
I hope this cold weather goes away soon it is horrible and not good for flutterbys so keep warm and as ever I am sending spoons, love and a group hug 'cos I can! Em xxxxxxxxxxxx 
just getting ready for some???
p.s love the smileys!!!
Just reading your post Doz, and came to the “just around the corner is a nusing home” bit and I thought you were going to say you’ve booked yourself in!! Phew! But seriously it sounds a great idea if you could possibly work there. Once you both get your new lives working properly you’ll wonder how on earth you both did what you did when things might be so much easier. I hope this is the ending of a horrible chapter in your lives! Hello Stella! A warm welcome awaits you on this thread, as I found. No you’re not going mad, flutterby, well you will be….a nice kinda madness if you keep with us ‘cos we know where you’re coming from! Hope you’re on your road to recovery and aren’t too long in posting again. Aaw fankyou Emmy for saying you enjoy my posts. I love yours too - bet you can’t beat my recent lo.o.o.o.o.ng one though!! No, I cheated, didn’t I? And yes, we all felt rather uncomfortable at the thought of us all disappearing into the ether when the web site changed! Love the smiley sunglasses, he, he!
Done some weeding today and thought my legs belonged to someone else after I finished! However - just glad I can do some these days as I couldn’t have not so long ago. Puts me to shame when my aunt of 90 turns a double mattress on her own!! And SHE tells ME not to do any digging! She’s amazing!
Hugs to everyone, Ami xx