Where do I fit in?

Connect to people like me Breast cancer in men
41

Hi so sorry that you have been experiencing these awful days. My goodness I would be feeling worse if I were in your shoes.

Wondering if your sons just don’t know how to talk about BC in men??? Has your wife been able to have a discussion with them?

By nature, I’m a positive person. I’ve got two boys in their late 40’s. I told them as soon as I found a lump in my right breast. They’ve been with me on this journey ever since. I’ve encouraged them to check themselves for any irregularities. Have you suggested to your sons to do the same? It might give them an opening to talk about your cancer. Just a suggestion. Hope you don’t mind.

I started my journey in July ‘23. Had mastectomy, 4 of the recommended chemos. Now on immunotherapy and should start radiology towards the end of this month. Mine was HER2+. I’m 68 and live on my own in Suffolk, UK and have a partner of 6 years who lives in London. His mum died from BC in 2019 so he’s found it hard to deal with. That came across as him being unsupportive to my friends and family. But as I said I’m a positive person so we’re working through it. Talking for me is the best therapy.

I wish you well with your treatments and finding a way to talk with your sons.

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way :hugs::hugs::hugs:

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42

I think me may have chatted last year. Iv just had my third cancer and became they couldn’t find the cancer around the margin I’m going in to have a bit more taken away to see if they missed the cancer or if the biopsy removed it all.
All I have to say is venting is allowed we have to, it’s not good to stress or get angry. We have all been in the same situation where we just want to scream shout even punch someone although violence is not the answer it’s another venting when you say I just want too……
you come and vent when you want, we might even do it with you.
Everyone who reads this needs to remember we are all in this together and here for each other however, breast cancer in men happens but it’s not as well known as for women having it. I think they need to do more advertising for breast awareness for both woman and men.
I’m really bad I show my breast to anyone who is curious as I say I don’t have boobs I just have skin with pockets of fluid still but I’m only 6 weeks post op and going flat can take 6-12 months for the swelling to go down and your body to recover. I have no shame some might say but I just want people to know it’s not shameful to get cancer or to lose your breast but it’s a learning thing to tell you to check yourself and what cancer can do to you.
I would never be ashamed to show my chest because at least I’m still here and it might help others to go flat. Vanity doesn’t exist cancer is a killer but we can beat it we are all strong
Hugs to you all who need comfort from being diagnosed and to everyone who has been in this situation men included :two_hearts:

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43

Hello Destiny 3355

Thank you for your reply. My sons are now 29, and 31, I was originally diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2019. Within months of diagnosis and after some treatments I started talking about my disease, I did an article for a Breast Cancer Charity. It was shown a cross national and regional press coverage.

My message was for men to Notice and Report all new changes to their body, never second guess or put off seeking expert medical opinion on things that you feel not right with our body. We are our own expert when it comes to our body.

My sons were told at the very start of the cancer, what signs appeared, they also saw my breasts before operations so noticed the inverted nipple and know that symptom . Those same photos were shared on face book, with over 6,000 views…175 shares ,so it was out there for others to see.

I’ve been on many insight panels, worked with Macmillan on projects, Helped co- Design a Male Breast Cancer Leaflet with The Plumrade, ( another Male Breast Cancer suvivor whose on these forums)

My sons in my opinion are fearful not if the Cancer but the loss of their Dad, they were recently dustraught when my Father in law passed away before Christmas.
They lost their Aunty my sister in law two years before to Cancer.

My children were distraught when last June they were told my cancer had spread and I was stage 4.

I think the reason they don’t talk about it was it’s not easy to do, and politely young people are busy with work, personal relationships, and basically living their life. It’s how the seem to cope.

Last October both sons took the Genetic test for the BRCA genes, I have Brca2. ……my eldest son doesn’t have it, my youngest Son tested positive for Brca2……so he also has this to contend with.

In 2021 due to Extamastene hormone treatment, my Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm grew very quickly, and I had major surgery to fit a graft of over the Aneurysm. This too can be hereditary, as my sister
Also has one…So both sons know after the age of Forty they have to seek advice on monitoring ….

So deep down I understand their silence re my health, doesn’t make it easier on me, but I understand.
My wife talks most days to both sons by phone, but she too must find it hard to talk about my Cancer to them, she’s lost so much herself recently and now this with myself it must be awfully hard.

Thank you for your concern, and I wish you best wishes with your treatment, maybe your partner would benefit from talking to someone about the lost of his mother to BC,and in turn that might make him cope better with yours, I wish you both well.

Take care of You

Kindest regards
D

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44

Hello Sprout

We have indeed spoken previously, I wish you well with your current treatment, you sound like you’re going through the mill as well, so I’m grateful for your response.

Your right more Awreness for men and women is still required, and often graphic awreness hits home much quicker. I too never shy away from showing my scars, they often remind ignorant men and the odd lady men can get it too. I’m an Answer Cancer Champion, and I do talks to community organisations, many groups from harder to reach communities, and many attendees are shocked to hear my story, but all leave Vowing to tell their menfolk they too can get Breast Cancer.

One lady took a poster home, to convince her husband to go to the doctors, when he did he was sent to the breast clinic like me. He found out he had Breast Cancer on both sides .

Raising awareness Saves Lives……IKNOW this first hand…

Take great care of yourself Sorout

Kindest regards
D

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45

You don’t live near Basingstoke do you? here is a men’s cancer group there.

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46

Hello Ginny-Kennedy

I don’t I’m afraid, but thanks for thinking of letting me know.

Kindest regards
D

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47

Good luck to you. I felt so isolated when I was diagnosed, it must be so much more difficult for you to find someone else to talk to. The important part I found, when I eventually found a group, was that everyone seemed so normal. I had felt that I would never be normal again. I do hope things improve for you too.

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48

Hello D. I am a member of the Facebook page Make 2nds Count, specifically for people with secondary breast cancer. It has had one or two male members but I understand your isolation. It might be worth joining and asking the admins about setting up a Make 2nds Count men’s group? Or they have a webpage with contact information.

The group covers the UK and NI, has a book club and a craft club, online tea and chats, local tea and a chat meet ups. and have 3 retreats each year. , 30+ of us with sbc met up at Rainhill in the NW for 3 days, lots of opportunity to get to meet others with this diagnosis, all paid for.

The BCN page is a different format to their Facebook page, might be worth having a look.

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49

@micky140 Thanks for that info. There are a couple more men I can past this on to

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50

Hello Micky140

Thank you for your reply, I will check out the Facebook page

Kind regards
D