I have a mastectomy planned for 18 October and am only just starting to face it, just can’t bear to even think about it. Anyone recommended to talk to please, as I just dissolve into tears when anyone even mentions it atm. I’ve always been so independent and resilient in the past, but just don’t know how to help myself with these feelings. My daughter is getting married next year which is something to hold on to I know, but also upsets me when I think about wanting to look my best on the day.
So sorry to hear of your diagnosis and the way you are feeling.
I haven’t had mastectomy but hopefully someone who has will be along soon . If there’s a Maggie’s centre near you you could go there for support . You could also try ringing the helpline and speaking to the Nurses tomorrow - they have heard everything you will be experiencing before and might be able to help you get some sort of order over your thoughts. In real life we don’t talk about it much but BC is a very common condition and there may be someone in your own social circle who has had mastectomy and can give you some support . I was surprised to find that one of my friends ( though to be fair we have only known each other 4 years ) had had breast cancer surgery and was willing to talk about it a bit . Another friend who has prostate cancer helpful too.
Don’t beat yourself up because the way you feel is totally natural . There’s a lot of pressure to be brave and positive - that’s certainly not how I felt . I was ok one minute but a wreck the next . You could ask your GP to prescribe you something - many people have done that and you could also ask for counselling. Just because you are feeling like this doesn’t mean you aren’t independent or resilient anymore these are extreme circumstances you are adapting to .
@kate5 Hi Kate. I just want mine done and dusted now. I’ve gone through the emotions, sadness, anger etc etc. If you read a lot of posts on here, the op doesn’t sound so bad. Also one lady wears a bikini on holiday - that’s amazing. I don’t feel anywhere near as bad now about it. Hope you can come to terms with it soon. It’s a shi*ter this cancer lark, (apologies for use of a bad word) however we’ve got a great chance of survival these days. Stay strong. you can do this
@kate5
I can hear how raw this is for you at the moment and I’m really sorry. I wish I could come through the computer and give you a hug.
Mentally, my situation was different in that as soon as I knew I had breast cancer, I wanted my breast removed. I wanted the cancer gone. As it turned out, I wasn’t given any other option anyway as I had three tumours, the biggest 5cm. So my head was in that place and I didn’t need to work on getting it there, which is where I think it may be different for you (apologies if I am misunderstanding).
I was offered reconstruction which I declined. I didn’t want any delays, implants that may change shape after radiotherapy, further surgery if that happened… I just wanted it out, removed, and for me to get on with my life. My only wish is that I could have had both done at the same time so I didn’t have lopsidedness, but that wasn’t an option.
Physically the mastectomy was the easiest part of my treatment. I was in and out on the same day, no pain killers needed. I remember laughing ironically when the surgeon told me I probably wouldn’t need any - typical man I thought. But I really didn’t need any!
My surgeon doesn’t use drains nor dressings and I had a plastic spray applied to my scar so infection couldn’t get in. This rubbed off over the space of about 7-10 days. It also meant I could see the scar straight away. Find out what your surgeon does so you can prepare your mind.
I had a friend who had gone through bilateral mastectomy about a year before me and she had shown me her scars so I knew what to expect. I found some pictures that I showed my husband so he knew what to expect as well. Is that something that would help you? I’m sure your breast care nurse will have pictures she could show you if you think it would. And remember, scars fade. Mine is fantastic. I think of it as my war wounds of what I have gone through the last 2 years.
I was hanging out washing the day after mastectomy, after having a shower and washing my hair (okay, it wasn’t the best wash in the world). My family had all taken time off to look after me and honestly, it was great to have them all around, but I didn’t need any looking after. Sometimes I let them do things just to make them feel better
I returned to working (from home) about 7 days later - was getting fed up.
I got m and s flexi crop tops and vest tops that I could step into and pull up. I then put a shirt or hoody over the top (surgery side arm goes in first).
I had a really squishy pillow with bamboo cover that I could put my arm on when sitting down or lying in bed - gave me psychological protection from anyone possibly banging into me, raised my arm up and bamboo is really soft and cooling.
You will be given exercises to do - I suggest you do them, regularly (no need to do extra) as this will build up your movement range (especially if you may need radiotherapy later).
You will be given a softee breast when you leave the hospital and then be fitted with a prosthesis about 6 weeks later when you start to heal up. Honestly, no-one would know, if they didn’t already know, that I had been through a mastectomy. You will be able to get the most gorgeous dress for your daughters wedding, and look fantastic I promise you. There are bras or crop tops that have little holes for prosthesis to slide into. This will keep it in place so you can dance the night away.
As I said at the start, physical and mental preparation are two different things and I wonder whether it is just the mastectomy that brings you to tears or the whole cancer roller coaster and mastectomy is rolled up inside that?
The cancer roller coaster and waiting for things is awful. Have you called the nurses on the helpline? Is there a cancer wellbeing centre or Maggie’s near you that you can drop into? What about your breast care nurse from the hospital? Talk to them and offload some of the feelings that you have, which will reduce the load you are carrying.
Just remember, you’re doing great. You’ve got this far, You’re here looking for suggestions on a way forward, you’re planning, you’re looking forward to the future and have things to look forward to… you’re doing fantastic.
Big hugs
Laura
Thank you Laura - I really appreciate your reply and your encouragement. I think the issue I am now facing is that I haven’t talked about this to anyone - I have had chemo for 5 months since April and all my treatment and energy was focused on that with the oncology team. I last saw my surgeon in late June and don’t have a breast care nurse, maybe a result of having private care which seems very compartmentalised and business-like rather than caring. I have only just stopped work for a while too, so now suddenly have time to think about what is happening next with my treatment and am having to face something I have been pushing out of my mind. I called a helpline today and they have given me some ideas on who to talk to, and have contacted my surgeon for more information. I think some hugs, virtual or otherwise, is what I have been needing.
My heart goes out to you, we are all here for you day and night, we have been there and now we are here to support you.
I have had a mastectomy, it not a walk in the park however you are going to be fine, you will need some support at home for a week or so, you sound positive which will help you with your recovery eat good food plenty of rest and drink lots of water, also don’t forget your stretches.
As regards you appearance I feel sure you will look as good as you always do as for your daughter wedding you are going to look amazing, because you care about appearance.
Take one day at a time, as Joanne mentioned maybe you have a Maggie’s centre near you. Please keep posting to let us know how you are feeling.
@kate5
Goodness no wonder you’re feeling fragile, that’s a lot to have held by yourself for 5 months and whilst experiencing chemo and side effects.
And work can be a good distraction but can unintentionally avoid thinking about things that need to be addressed.
But you have people now to contact, you have the space and time away from work to talk so you’ll be ready by op date and hopefully your surgeon will contact you soon to explain what will be involved-drains, any hospital stays, pain expectation…
Sometimes you have to chase so call again if you don’t hear within a day or so.
And still check out your local cancer wellbeing centre or maggies as they have 1:1 support as well as groups and classes such as relaxation.
Use this time as well to eat well, get some fresh air and exercise, do some fun things, maybe start looking at mother of the bride outfits to get ideas… whatever makes you feel good and builds you up.
I personally found chemotherapy the hardest part of my treatment and I know we’re all different but you’ve come through that -Possibly another reason you’re feeling battered and bruised.
It’s going to take another burst of energy to get thro this next bit but you have everyone here alongside you if you need a push/pull.
Get on that phone tomorrow-you got this x
First, I don’t know you and I don’t know what you look like on a bad hair day, but lets be clear: YOU WILL LOOK AMAZING on your daughters wedding day. You will be there, and happy and that will mean you will look amazing!! I think cancer is like one of those baseball bat curve balls that give us no choice but to get up, dust off and carry on… I don’t say that in diminishing what it takes to get up and dust off… I am just saying that if I have learned anything over the last months is that I and everyone else I know with BC can do things they did not thin they could and I am sure you are no different. So hug to you, kudos to you… coming here and posting is already a big thing .
Second, to the practicalities. In my life I have tried all sorts of things to relax, and chill and be less stressed and last year I started hypnotherapy. I started it to deal with vertigo but found it did all sorts of crazy things to me. I can’t explain it, but I felt better. I have used hypnotherapy leading up to both my surgeries this year and I am using it heading into my next (double mastectomy). Maybe you can explore and see if it might help you.
Third, just because you will look amazing as a mother of the bride, and because you will weather this storm, doesn’t mean you can’t be irritated and sad and all the other things this disease makes us feel/confront. I have cried and screamed and been silent…all of it and more. That is part of it too, I am afraid. I am sending you good thoughts and bug hugs
Thank you - really appreciate the good thoughts and hugs. Really that by continuing to work I have pushed lots of thoughts out of my head and now need to process them.
Pre any of our BC treatment our brain goes into overdrive. As someone has suggested, speak to Maggies if you have one near you. Speak to your BC nurse for sure and consider calling the lovely team on here. I promise you that they will be able to support and reassure you.
I also promise you that the mastectomy operation is not that bad. Honestly. Follow the advice you are given to, the suggestions on here and you should be fine. And I also absolutely promise you that you will not look any different at your daughter’s wedding than you do today. You might even look better as you won’t be climbing the walls with worry! You will be a beautiful mother of the bride.
I had a mastectomy in January 2021. Lockdown! No recon and I don’t want one. My first coming out of lockdown event, 3 months later, was to give a few minutes talk to a group of rugby players - most I had never met before, I was more worried about my wig (I was mid-chemo and that was its 1st outing) than my boobage. I swim. I still sunbathe in a bikini. Fast forward to July this year and I went out on my birthday with a skimpy round neck, scoopy under the arms, halter neck top on with a strapless bra (no pockets!). I felt, and looked, even if I do say it myself, great.
I worked, as I was able to, throughout my treatment - needed to for my mental health.
All the very best and start looking at those MOTB outfits now!
I think that makes it harder sometimes when you’ve always been so independent and the one that people have always called strong in the past. There’s so much pressure that we put on ourselves to respond in a certain way. Remember to be kind to yourself. Do you have private insurance? I’ve had access to 12 counselling sessions through Bupa and I’m sure other insurance companies have similar offerings.
Not sure what you’re planning on doing with regards to reconstruction, but if you want to talk to someone who has had a single mastectomy with an expander to put in, feel free to DM me and I can share my experience. It’s only 7 weeks ago, so it’s still relatively fresh in my mind.
I didn’t want to have a mastectomy but that was all the local hospital would have done. I found Guy’s in London could give me diep immediate reconstruction using a flap from my tum to create a new breast to replace the old one.
It did delay surgery by about one month but I still have two breasts admittedly they don’t match but they are both warm and use my breast skin. You can always get a second opinion if you want to have a reconstruction. I am now 69 and I have had breast cancer twice in the same breast first time in 2003. Second time 2022. Good luck Seagulls
My sister had a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation as well as adjuvant therapy for one lump that was not yet metastasized, but died of BC a few years later at age 61 anyway. I’ve had not just 1 but 2 (asynchronous contralateral BC, at 61 and 65) both treated with breast conserving lumpectomies, but NO chemo or radiation, only Endoxifen. I’m 67, still have my breasts and I’ve outlived her by 6 years already, and I’m feeling fine, no signs of relapses. There is a very new BIG Canadian study out that shows there’s no survival benefit to double mastectomy over lumpectomy, search for “2024-07-mastectomy-survival-benefit-women-breast” see: Double mastectomy may offer no survival benefit to women with breast cancer I was going to have “the works” but a kind surgeon convinced me that it would be traumatic, disfiguring and not end up giving me the survival edge I thought it might. I’m glad I listened up.
Hi Kate, I know how hard it is to face this diagnosis and be told that you need a mastectomy. I have had my second mastectomy this week but as others have said that’s the easy bit. You have been through the hardest part and that’s the waiting for results and to find out your plan of action. You will be absolutely fine please try not to worry. Its a real shock at first but the doctors and breast care nurses are excellent in doing their job and know how to keep you calm and reassured. Any worries at all please speak to the breast care nurses, that’s what they are there for. There are also different groups you can join for reassurance. Please ask for help and don’t keep it to yourself, talking about your feelings is an excellent approach. Best of luck and sending you a big hug xx
Sending you hugs at this horrible time. I underwent a single mastectomy in May after my earlier lumpectomy didn’t get everything out. I opted for a DIEP FLAP reconstruction as I absolutely didn’t want an implant and I knew that D/F would give me the most natural look afterwards. It’s was a big operation and something not to be decided on easily, the first few weeks weren’t easy but now nearly 4 months later I look & feel great and back at work!
Im sorry to hear your feeling this way.
I had my diagnosis late July and the mastectomy on 21st August.
I found the talking about it the best thing to do.
The operation itself was so much easier than i could have imagined. Not even a single painkiller for the first couple of weeks and then i developed some shoulder pain which was uncomfortable.
I wont lie, i dreaded looking at it for the first time when the dressing came off but im like that anyway.
Ive been offered reconstruction but may not have it as im happy with how i look in my clothes.
You must talk through your feelings with someone you are comfortable with in order to face this head on.
Its a shock but i recognised quickly that it was not going away anytime soon and i had to face what was happening.
Its been less than 2 months since the start of this but i have surprised myself how strong i feel and this is because i have friends to talk to… i wish you lots of luck xx
Hi Kate
Just seen your post and it resonated with me as my son told me of his engagement just as I discovered my lump…fast forward a year and I’m pleased to say that I’ve had a mastectomy and reconstruction, with the wedding looming next summer I never thought I’d be in the blessed position I am now. You are at the worst part of your journey, believe me. Once you have had the operation it will be a huge weight off your mind and you can focus on being your best self. I don’t know whether you have yet to have chemo etc but just take it all in your stride. Deep breaths and take one day at a time. I’m sending you love and positivity
you can do this 
, happy vibes and blessings to you
so please take care xx