Worst feeling ever watching my daughter in so much pain.

Hi, I’ve just joined after spending many a night reading Clare’s post “I’m in a surreal place”.
My daughter aged 33 has secondary BC which has now spread rapidly throughout the body. She is loosing the battle and the will to live because she is in so much pain and its breaking my heart because she has been so strong. No more treatment can be given and she has been passed over to the palative care team for pain control.
In the last 2 weeks we have seen such a rapid deterioration in her its like she is crumbling before my eye’s and I feel so helpless watching her suffer more and more each day.
She had headaches due to the mets in the brain, we got that pain under control then she was struggling with lymphedema in the left arm and back pain which causes her to curl up in a fetal position it was so bad. She has lost so much weight and muscle that today she was hardly able to walk even with the aid of 2 sticks and us helping her. She has suffered nausia and sickness yet has so little appetite anyway. Her lungs are filling with fluid and her Calcium level is high, and she is having anxiety attacks because of shortness of breath. She is past herself with the pain despite popping so many meds even I can’t keep up.
My poor girl is going into the hospice tomorrow for a few days to drain the fluid from her lungs and also an infusion for the calcium and to sort out pain meds. She is such a beautiful person inside and out always helpful and caring to other’s she doesn’t deserve this suffering, and its killing me watching her going through this.
I know she wants to stay at home for as long as possible to spend time with her 2 sons age 9 & 12, but at the same time she doesn’t want to be so drugged up that the time at home is no longer quality time with her boys (difficult).
I am hoping and praying that she makes it through Christmas but her decline in happening so fast, and to think all this came about because in 2006 she was told she was too young to have breast cancer!!!. By the time she was diagnosed after fighting for 2 years it was too late because it had taken hold and she has been fighting ever since to stay alive for her boys.
Please send your prayer’s for her to ease her pain, I Love her so much.
Misty x

Hello Secret_Misty

I’m so sorry to hear about your daughters diagnosis, this must be a very difficult time for you and your family. I’m sure other users will be along to support you soon.

You may like to talk things through with one of the helpline staff, they are there to offer emotional support as well as provide information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and lines are open 9-5 Monday to Friday and 10-2 Saturday.

Best wishes

June, moderator

Oh Misty sending you a big hug at this terrible time. I watched my father suffer excrutiating pain when he had motor neurone disease it was terrible so i can only imagine a little of what it is like to watch you daughter go through something similar. Hopefully the hospice can sort out her meds and pain relief - there is a lot they can do - morphine patches, oromorph, gentle physio…of course they do all tend to have side effects (constipation,nausea etc). I think (from the childrens perspective) they would probably rather see their Mum doapy but comfortable rather than in constant distress. This is just my opinion and I have no wish to offend. Your daughter has had so much robbed from her it must of course be her choice as to how much sedation she is given. This horrible horrible cancer it robs us of so much.
be strong

To Misty

My prayers for you and your daughter and grandsons.

Hoping the pain will ease for her a little today.

Huge hugs and love for you

Love Rosie xxx

Sending my thoughts and prayers And strength to get through. Xxx


I too will remember your dear daughter, yourself & her dear children in my prayers, sending you & your family so much love & keeping everything crossed that they sort out her pain relief.

Sarah xxx

Hello Misty,
I am sending my prayers to you , but you did not tell us your daughters name so we can hold her in prayer. She will soon be surrounded by love and peace. Keep strong it is what she wants you to do.
Love Tracy xxx

Hello Secret Misty, so very, very sorry to read of your daughter’s situation and of course I will hold her in my prayers and thoughts, and you too at this dreadful time.

Your love for her shines out of your words, and she will be so aware of it, even through the pain and struggle. I really hope the hopsice are able to get her comfortable so that the precious time you have left will be of the highest quality possible.

Some of us sometimes ‘light’ virtual candles at a website called gratefulness, Light a Candle - Grateful Living Practice - Grateful.org and I have lit one for you all in a group we call DDW (dark, dark woods, named after one of the threads on here) Light a Candle - Grateful Living Practice - Grateful.org Please feel free to light your own if it helps, or to ignore if it doesn’t

Gentle hugs.

Misty, I can’t say anything to make this easier, but I do feel for you. I’m sure your lovely daughter will get a lot of relief from having the fluid drained, and I hope that the palliative care team are able to help her pain management.

Good luck.

Hi Misty
Just wanted to add my thoughts and prayers for your daughter and for you xxx

Bless you all you are in my thoughts xx

Hi Misty, read you post and it made me cry, I am thinking of you and praying for you both and wish I could do or say something that would help xxxxxx

It was bad enough watching both my parents die from this awful disease but I cannot imagine the pain of losing your daughter.My prayers are with you all,bless you and your family,

Dear Misty I am so sorry I to read of your daughters pain and the distress you are in too. Words seem meaningless at this time but I just wanted to say you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope the hospice team are able to get your daughter’s pain under control. My heart goes out to you all. X

Will pray for you both, it is a tough time to get through xx

THinking of you and your family, my dad was in a hospice and they made a huge change to his painrelief and helped him to have a few extra weeks with us.

Huge hugs to your family.xxxx

I have no words, but I have love and I give your family my heart.

I hope your daughter can find comfort and spend as much quality time with her children as she can.

Lots of love

Viv xxxxx

Update- Thankyou all so much for your support and prayer’s it means so much from such caring people, my daughter’s name is Sam sorry I didn’t mention earlier.
What we thought might be a 2 day stay at the hospice may turn out to be at the least 10 days or longer but we will face this day by day. The staff and doctor’s are fantastic and I know she will receive the best possible care as the assessment given was so thorough and explained very well.
Sam is having an infusion for the high calcium level and continuing on the same pain relief for the next few days so the doctor can see if their is any improvement. Her situation will then be re-assesed and depending on results the infusion could be repeated but if that fails then we have to prepare for the worse. She also needs a chest drain for the fluid on the right lung which is causing the breathlessness hense the longer stay.
Today her mobility was so bad even trying to get to the loo was near impossible, so the doctor suggested she stayed off her legs and used a commode which I know in the recent past she would have totally refused but has now accepted as a necessity. She is so exhausted bless her she has definatly used up all her spoon’s today, its so sad to see my beautiful proud daughter loosing her dignity.
After a heart rending talk with the doctor today, myself and her husband were told 2 to 3 months at best or weeks at the worse. We cried buckets in a private room, but the hardest part was going back in to see Sam who could tell we had been crying and telling her we were ok when she knew were not (her answer was “I’m not stupid mum”).
We have always been very open about her condition even the boys are fully aware of whats happening. Sam has an incling but she didn’t want to be told how long, as she still has things she would like to do with the boys and is still trying to come to terms with her sudden decline.
The doctor has assured us they will help her at her own pace to prepare for what is ahead. The boys will also get support from the daycare team of councillors and of course from dad & nanni.
RevCat - A big thanks for the link, I have lit a candle and will visit it daily its very peaceful.
Love Misty xxx

Morning Misty ,
Prayers for you all and Sam as she spends this time being looked after by her care team. I pray that she is given time to spend with her boys and that her pain relief and breathing improve enough for her to do the things she wants to do.
My friend at work died of liver cancer at the age of 46 and she had 6 children, 3 from her 1st marriage and 3 from her second, the last 2 being only 7 years and 5 years and her eldest son was 30 so Denise loved life and everything it gave her. She wrote each child a letter to be read after the funeral, she made them all a memory box with the help of her very best friends and she had different people stay with her every single night at hospital so she had a constant source of comfort from all her favourite people. She was a true inspiration , but so so poorly towards the end.
I pray for Sam that she will be given an inner strength , and I send you all lots of love Tracy xxx

Thinking of you.