Hello JJ’s found you. Naz that had me sobbing but such a wonderful approach. I start chemo on 25th, I can feel myself gradually working myself up about it. I am ashamed to say that I am worried about how I will cope with looking so different but I guess I will, I have coped with the surgery. I also have this dreadful feeling of loss of health ( I have been in denial up to this point and bounced back from surgery each time) my friends tell me how well I look.
I am also very afraid of feeling ill, I seem to imagine that it will come over me and I will be alone and scared but I guess it’s a gradual build is it…oh I don’t know.
Well this is fun root canal or an extraction??? Going for bloods tomorrow am to see if white count OK then i think I’ll just have the beastie out.
So much pain its dragging me down
Kat xx
Afternoon JJ’s, god please make this heat stop!!! I am beginging to feel like a vampire seeking shade ha ha. I need to hang out the washing and I so don’t want to even go out in the garden. Fans galore in our house at the moment, christ knows what I shall be like come the end/beg of next year when I start with the Tamoxifen and I am a menopausal lunatic…always something to look forward to eh
Bimble, I totally get the loss of health thoughts and also being ill. I was scared to be on my own and then was scared to leave the house, it does goes. When my onco asked me if I wanted chemo, I jumped up and shouted no ofcourse not - actually the reality of that question was I said I don’t know but I think so then burst into tears. I have been fighting fit since day one so even through the pain of the lymph node clearance I still looked like me. My biggest fear was my 5 year old little boy would now see me look ill. I will (or might) look worse than I do now but as I approach cycle 2 I just think fe*k you cancer Estee Lauder invented blusher to make me look better. I may regret saying that come cycles 4, 5 and 6 but I hope to god not.
Julie, welcome to the site. You will be aprehensive prior to your first one, I was terrified and cried all the way there in the car. I was scared of everything (oh I feel a Dirty Dancing quote coming on) I was scared of being ill (I haven’t been) I was scared of seeing others getting chemo (they were there but I forgot them) I was scared of seeing people who looked ill (there was and I felt bad for her but also SO grateful that I am not in her shoes) the fear is sometimes worse than the reality. If my 2nd cycle is worse than the 1st then so be it but it won’t be for all 3 weeks so if I feel rubbish for a week then I can do that and for times when we feel like we can’t - one or several of us are here.
Kat, Yeah for anti bio’s if you need them. I cannot imagine having toothache on top of all this other kak going on! Least there is a light, that you can have them. It helps that you have a good relationship with your team, I feel very much the same with my team and it helps in recovery I think. Still doesnt stop some of the sh*t days though
Pollyanne, never feel any shallow at wanting to keep it. I was the same but now almost approaching the 2nd cycle I just was SO sick of seeing it coming out more and more and had made a decision myself that I was not going to be distraught anymore. I think my mind set has changed somewhat since deciding to have chemo. As my chemo is preventative I now feel that my hair despite being very proud of it WILL grow back. We are getting married next year and you know what in January I was wondering what kind of dress, ceremony, venue we would have; now I am wondering how many tissues we will need ha ha. This cancer has a lot to answer for but it has opened my eyes to my life in a way I didnt see before so that is good in my book.
Take care
Oh Kat, crossed posts OUCH that doesn’t sound good at all. Heres hoping bloods ok and then yes I would agree get the beastie out and more pain relief!!!
Take care
Well the heat really got to me over the last 2 days…have felt much more with it today, and actually managed to get back to doing some university work at home.
My SE have remained minimum so far. Constipation is the thing at the moment but am heading out for some Senna tomorrow if things dont change.
Longer eyelashes have started to give up and jump ship, ya could have thought they would try to last more than just a few days
Have had several offers from very dear friends to take clippers to my hair. I cannot bring myself to ask my mum to do it. I live alone - fiancee died in 2004, and since then have remained more or less on my own…and my mum has been marvellous thru all of this…but asking her to cut my hair and shave my head would be hard…so friends have offered…its just choosing when to do it. I very much want to be in control of this part of the process. Gawd I sound like a control freak but am honestly not…just feel that what with work, and a complete change in my life now I’m giving it enough…and I want to take back some degree of decision making.
Hope everyone is doing as well as they can expect to be, and I’ll try to get back on here tomorrow for a further catch up, its just the last 2 days even the thought of switching the laptop on was too much effort
Hi and thank you for your reply, i have told them at the hosp today when i signed my consent form and got my wallet full of info, i have been given a relaxation cd so fingers crossed xx
thank you for sharing your journey with me, i am at the hospital tomorrow for them to check my heart before my chemo starts on tues 23rd, more needles aaarrrggghhhh, i have a terrible needle phobia which isnt helping at all xx
Thank again Naz that helped sum up how I am feeling. I’m even afraid of being afraid… To top it all I have convinced myself that I have a lump in my right boob. I had quite a low day yesterday but in the main I have been very bright and cheery and agree with the comments that cancer makes you look at things differently, take stock etc.
Naz just to say that I’ve been on Tamoifen for about 3 months and I’ve not noticed any side effects so fingers crossed you will be the same.
Well at least the route was scenic along the river and past Hampton Court Palace 4 times today !!! had bloods first thing came home to psyche myself up for dentist then got call white count low so back to hosp now on antibiotics and filgarastim injections until Tuesday and if bloods are still low will postpone #2 FEC and I still have tooth ache!!!
Kat xxx
Hi JJ’s
we seem to be having a mixed bag of lick between us. Hope they get you sorted soonest Tamsin.
I had my 1st chemo tuesday, it all went well and the nurses on the chemo unit are absolutely lovely! Got sent home with anti sickness and dexamethasone but have felt pretty rubbish light headed and a bit not with it (more so than usual) unfortunately i haven’t had any of the hyper activity they promised but then again this weather doesn’t help.
I am also dreading loosing my hair but needed the reasurance of it coming out to know everything was zapped if that makes sense. I went with my bf who is hairdresser to get a wig monday, we managed to get a human hair wig for £81 and i had a voucher for £72 so well pleased and she is going to titivate it for me once it’s on. I chose one with a fringe to disguise the soon to be lack of eyebrows
Kat - hope your hair held out for your lunch date
hoping i will feel a bit better tomorrow now the dex is all done.
Hi All. Welcome to newbies and well done to all of you who’ve been to the bar this week. Hope the se’s are manageable. Kat: I’m really sorry to hear about your tooth. Must admit my dentist told me last time that there is was a very high chance of major dental problems with chemo, but I was lucky. I’m really sorry you haven’t been. And then the rubbish over low white count. Is next chemo due on Tuesday? Could you get the dental work done on Monday so that you have a happy mouth whatever happens Tuesday? Fingers crossed.
Debs: It was the dizziiness that got me all through FEC to the extent that I didn’t drive the whole cycle. Hated it. Really hope things settle for you. And, yes, I’m beginning to think of the ‘hair’ issue. I still have my wig from last time which I never used because the CC worked for me, but I’ve already decided I’m not doing it again this time. Need to get sorted, both practially and mentally.
Back from op no. 3. Hated yesterday, mainly because it was the third time in 8 weeks and they put me in a room, which was nice in one way, but hot and stuffy in another. Anyway, managed to escape by 7pm and so far have been ok. Felt rubbish last night, then didn’t get to sleep until about 2am, but feel pretty ok this morning. Seems that they did get good margins last time but histology found micromets floating around further from the original site, hence this op. But if more micromets are found this time I’m not sure what they will do as there is limited soft tissue left after my original MX. Hey ho!
Cooler here today. Cloudy at the moment and a bit of a breeze which is welcome. And predicted low 20s, which is perfect for me.
Enjoy your weekend Junkies
Tamsin xxxx
Lost that mussy/dizzy head feeling today which is loooverrlly! Think a cooler day, weather wise has also helped. Got lots of reading done, and then mum, nephew and niece came over for lunch which was really nice and cheered me up no end.
Had mastectomy and ANC on 1st July. It was in 12 out of 16 lymph nodes! Still cant believe I had this thing and didnt have a clue. Really scared about the lymph node involvement and dreading chemo.
Feel like a pinball in a machine being buffered from side to side - first the shock and disbelief at diagnosis, next losing my breast at age 39 and trying to look down at my one remaining udder and then nothing on the other side without breaking down, and now the thought of losing my hair. Feel like all my femininity and self confidence has been taken along with the cancer.
Mine is HER2+ so its six months chemo then rads and gotta start the herceptin halfway throughb the chemo cycles when I start the taxotere.
Fed up of trying to find a mastectomy bikini in 34G - do companies not think big boobed women have to have mastectomies or something and why do they use normal women to model these bras and bikinis??? Its like rubbing salt in the wound!!
Anyway enough self pity - really grateful for this site and reading posts to know what to expect when the chemo starts. Got some really pretty headscarves from anna bandana - already fitted so you dont have ot mither tying them etc.
Much love and light - a new fellow July junkie!!!
Hi everyone, I was away in Devon last week (good old Sun holidays) for a few days trying to relax in readiness for the upcoming week,
Monday - chemo talk
Tuesday - Consultant
Thursday - start chemo 3 x FEC followed by 3 x T
Following Wednesday - MRI scan
I really think its starting to hit home with me now just how serious this all is, I live on my own with my Grandson who will be 15 next week and I am getting really frightened about all the SE I may have to go through, I dont want to worry my Grandson and am hoping he will go and stay with his Mum for a while as he is on School holidays so he wont have to deal with any of it but that leaves me alone and scared.
I am really concerned about the hair loss but I am self employed and as my business is new I dont yet take a wage from it so survive on tax credits and the cost of having cancer is worrying me, how do I afford wigs, scarves etc when my income is so low anyway, I know I can claim my travelling expenses back but not sure about any help for anything else.
I feel so low at the minute, its the first time I have felt like this, I have been bombarded with all the medical information but it feels like it has finally sunk in and I havent really had to deal with the emotional side of it until today, yes I was scared when I first found out but it has hit me like a brick this morning, I feel sick with worry about how I am going to cope on my own over the next few months.
Sorry to be so negative but this is the only place I can really be myself and say how I feel
Hi Marion, I know that sick with worry feeling. Have you a maggies centre near you? They employ staff ( all lovely) who can guide you regarding claiming benefits, apparently we are classed as disabled whilst going though treatment and in our case your income might be supplemented. I’m currently on 6 months full pay as work for NHS, but if off longer will go to half pay so il have to look at that at some point.
i know there’s se from chemo (I’m not there yet), but I was talking to someone other day who’d been there and she said for her they weren’t that bad, so you never know you might cope quite well . I have heard vouchers available for wigs can you phone your bc and ask. We are bombarded with bad news and then there doesn’t seem to be too much afterthought with wig advice etc, all this worry, your not alone though.
i think Macmillan offer financial advice and perhaps the phone lines on her can help. Hope ou feel less anxious as day goes on I was like that yesterday it’s horrible.
have you lose friend or two who would help if you have a bad few days in each cycle, hope so.
you take care and put yourself first at the moment this is such a physical and emotional time for us all, I know 15 years old is young but children are resilient and cope better than we think, he might want to help and doing so might stop him worrying so much especially when he sees you can have good days . I didntbwantbto involve my two sons but they feel better that they are and they feel they are helping.
dont feel your alone, stay on forum supports fab here, xx hugs x
Hi Marion - it really is a frightening time, but you can get through it. I am 42 and live on my own. I felt very frightened starting chemo and being at home on my own, but…you know what…its been ok. I told the Oncology Nurse Specalist that it was in many ways the greatest fear I had and she explained to me all the things I needed to look out for i.e temperature rising (I had already purchased a digital thermometer) and that if I had any doubts, felt unwell then I was given several different numbers to contact at the hospital. One number is for emergency and is an out of hours number so I can contact someone during the night if need be. The other numbers are to contact the oncology team during working hours. I did contact them last week as I had a query over something and they contacted me back within an hour of leaving a message on their answerphone.
Please be rest assured that after you have your first 2 appointments this week then things will become clearer and I for one was very much reassured as a single person living on their own that the hospital had thought about the psychological effect of that and were there for me if I needed them to be.
I was also astonished at the number of friends/family that would contact me to see if I was ok, needed anything from the shops, or were just genuinely keen to try to make life easier for me whilst going through this.
I hope that in some small way this has reassured you a little. xx
Hi Marion I feel for you, a very worrying time, and although your grandson is only 15 I’m sure he won’t want to be shut out from you at the time you need support the most. I pretty sure you will get help with wigs, have heard lots of ladies here saying you can get a prescription for one, please make sure you ask at your app on Monday , I’m sure they will point you in right direction. Make sure you accept any offers of help and I’m sure after your talk you will feel a lot better. I’m starting my first session tomorrow and bricking it big time at moment sending big hugs to those suffering S.E and to those of you who are worrying about them. Lynda x
