@hc1973 I’m close to you finishing wise for chemo as mines is 20th August so we’ll both still be getting it for a bit…. And I know what you mean about it seeming far away. I can’t believe it’s mid June already though so hopefully it passes by quickly!
Just seen all the messages and hard to reply to them all. @elle16 i hope you have a lovely birthday!
Thank you belle, i do think time has gone really quickly considering that I feel like my world has been tuned upside down in the last 6 months , I think it’s because the times I’m really poorly my brain blocks it out once It’s passed,
@gromit12 you are incredible, you are allowed to feel down, it gets on my nerves too when people say how well I’m doing and look when I know I look awful and feel like crap 
, if you are up for your marathon then ho do and best of luck 
@swk1981 thanks again for the information regarding my medical insurance, I haven’t even informed them about it so I will try and ring them next week, the private doctor that’s treating my shoulder is aware so I’m assuming some info would have been fed back, I’m with bupa that’s paid for through my job, not sure if I can switch to them regarding further treatment once I’ve gone the nhs route but will check and didn’t have a clue that they might pay out for choosing not to use them will look into that next week too.
Regarding holidays, think you may be right in that they were concerned about any delays I might incur, my next oncology appointment is for the 22nd of this month so will definitely be asking ,
Sorry if I’ve missed anyone out, my brain is fried, and just keep falling asleep today 
Just catching up on all the messages - been keeping my head down as the anxiety about my second docetaxel next week is really getting to me. We went for a lovely meal out this evening to celebrate the end of GCSEs and for a short while I forgot I had cancer and then suddenly I remembered 
. Like @gromit12 I still have surgery to go, so although I can’t wait for the end of chemo, it’s still a long road ahead of me. We are aiming for a holiday in October (if radiotherapy is done by then).
@swk1981 and @elle16 - good to hear your second docetaxel went well, really hope it’s easier this time for both of you.
I’m also getting fed up with pretending to be strong! And if anyone else says ‘well you look well’ I think I’ll hit them!
I’ve not heard about the x ray on my picc line, so hoping that’s a good thing!
Hope everyone has a good weekend, Emma x
@elle16 If you have Bupa, you might also be eligible for reimbursement for a wig and bras for after surgery. Check on your registration certificate when you log in to your Bupa account, there’s a category called cash benefits which will show what you’re entitled to.
Thanks @kartoffel I never even thought about contacting them , I was more than happy with nhs and once the ball was rolling just didn’t give it a thought, I had a little look at my policy last night and think it’s definitely worth me ringing them, don’t know if I’ve left it too late now but as I’ve used it this year already my excess has already been paid for the next 12 months so it’s something I’m hoping my brain will be able to get on with this week, 🩷
@elle16 - Happy Birthday! 
hope you have a nice day x
@gromit12 - hope you are feeling a little less miserable today?
Taking my youngest two into Norwich today to buy prom shoes, weather looks awful so hope we don’t get too wet
Have a good day everyone - and hope Fathers Day goes well for those celebrating it, Emma x
Thank you all for the birthday wishes, it’s been emotional but lovely so far xx
@gromit12 i too hope you are feeling a little better today xx
@elle16 happy birthday, hope you have a lovely day, even if it’s a quiet one. Sun shinning here in Northern Ireland, that’s always a plus xxx
Thank you for all your lovely messages ladies 
kicked butt this morning and dragged myself from my bed!! Not only did I complete the half, I felt there was more in me so pushed on and got to 18 miles. Super proud 
and cake at finish line 
so many other runners said how inspiring I was
@gromit12 - you are amazing! I was completely floored by docetaxel - can’t believe you’ve run that far! 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY @elle16 
I hope you’ve had a lovely day despite the steroids and Docetaxel!
Nice to see the sun come out for you! 
Xx
@gromit12 You’re like a weeble! Nothing can keep you down for long! Cannot believe what you are capable of doing! I’m saving you as my inspiration for afterwards since I’m just bloody useless right now! X
Here’s mine. For cancer, it’s up to £10,000. £100 per day for every chemo/surgery etc.
Could help towards the cruise!
@gromit12, totally amazing. You’re such an inspiration, you’re giving me the encouragement I need to get moving xxx
@swk1981 thank you, I’m ringing them tomorrow if my brain works lol,
I’ve had a lovely day but mostly slept, taste has gone again , not that it came back properly but keeping on top of mouth wash, and trying to drink lots of water, how have you been this time?
@gromit12 congratulations, you are incredible, well done 
xx
Taste completely gone. Faster and worse than last time. Am obsessively rinsing my mouth but can feel my guts starting to take a bad turn.
I don’t think I realised how much the neutropenic sepsis thing traumatised me until last night when I started to feel the guts and mouth and bone pains and I freaked out. All the things I associate with neutropenic sepsis are the totally normal side effects of the Docetaxel but my body had a huge panic response thinking it’s close to dying. I really struggled to not freak out last night, scared of ending up back in hospital.
Is your taste so bad that you can’t even taste mouthwash? Mine is literally non-existent! My brain has started to remember that there’s no point in eating anything calorific. Not all the time but Pringle Fest has ended for now!
The hardest bit I find is keeping going on water endlessly. I seem to really need 3L a day at this point as 2L doesn’t = clear wee. I guess our livers need all the help they can get!
I also was not aware that you could experience pain where you went “Holy hell! I can feel every single individual bone hurting!” rather than just thinking “Wow, my back hurts!” It’s not like anything I’ve ever experienced before.
One more, lovely @elle16…one more…then we’re getting there!!! 
I can taste the mouth wash today and I can taste sweet things but don’t fancy them. I’m normally a savoury kind if girl but that’s not doing it for me, bran flakes are good as they taste of nothing anyway so don’t feel like I missing anything, I’ve been advised by a friend who’s been through chemo to try coconut water but I just can’t face it, I feel like it’s wiped me out quicker this time and like you I’m anxious of being really poorly again, I didn’t go for the meal today as don’t want to eat anything I haven’t prepared or be around lots of people,
I’m off to bed now and hoping for a good night sleep, it hit me hard on the Monday last time so I’m keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow, I’ve actually been constipated again today so don’t think it’s effecting my stomach like it has you, but let’s see what joys it will bring me tomorrow. Good night my lovely hope you get a decent nights sleep 
@elle16 @swk1981, hope you both are feeling better today. I’m on day 6 and have found this cycle much worse with tiredness and bone pain. I’ve no taste or appetite and feel constantly nauseous although 2 omeprezole daily has helped with indigestion.
It’s totally understandable that you feel anxious, I know for me it was always that first week I felt frightened and vulnerable incase I took an infection as I know each time previously I ended up back in hospital. This chemo really plays with are minds and bodies. Xxxx
