@belle1 and @ivy-cat Best wishes for today!
I’m awake, too scared to sleep as it’s the 3 week anniversary of the sepsis and I’ve not drunk enough today. Rationally, I know I’m fine and I genuinely am compared to that last cycle but I’ve turned into a loony obsessed with water and mouthwashes and mouth thrush prevention.
On the upside guys, guts are still complaining but I’m not pooping piping hot lava this time so that’s gotta be a win!
@msizzle160 Welcome - this group is a lifesaver!
@pinklady2 what surgery are you having?
Mine was different to @altoan as I wasn’t allowed reconstruction as I need radiotherapy after chemo finishes. Mine was a full mastectomy and node clearance with flat closure. Despite a seroma that needed draining a few times, the surgery has been the absolute easiest part of all of this. I won’t pretend mine is pretty. It’s not. But I don’t mind because they cut the bastard cancer out. I am in no rush to reconstruct (I thought I would be) because chemo takes over and you end up just wanting to feel human and get strong again and vanity matters less and less.
I’m weirdly grateful for the mourning process of losing old leftie. I have learnt to be kinder to myself. I do feel deformed and I hate people saying “Oh don’t say that!” because it’s true. I am. I see it, they don’t. It’s brutal and gnarly and real and perfectly depicts cancer. One day it will be porn boob and the poor other boob is going to feel super inadequate after that so I’ll let righties enjoy it’s moment of glory FOR NOW!
Honestly though, this journey kicks out wayyyyy more upsides than downsides. Gorgeous people on this forum, a wisdom I wish I had possessed for the last 43 years instead of being so anxious about everything. An ability to parent your kids knowing that not much actually really matters in life. There is something strangely liberating about this entire shit show.
Recovery wise, the worst bit is the first bit with the drains and adjusting to it all being so different. Take the painkillers but also take the stool softeners as obsessively. If you know whether you’re better with morphine than codeine then tell your anaesthetist so they can give you that. I personally want to die on codeine whereas morphine works well and I could take far less and manage mostly on paracetamol in recovery.
Drink loads, rest lots and don’t underestimate the calories and rest your body needs to heal. Do the exercises they give you religiously and ask someone to massage your back. You may think it’s your chest and shoulder that are tight but sometimes it’s a referred stiffness into your thoracic spine. Let people touch you and give you that. I didn’t. I was guarded and embarrassed about my body and it was only when I cried when my daughter massaged my foot that I realised how much I’d shielded myself from touch and how lonely it was.
I like @gromit12’s gif smashing through the cancer cells. I’ve seen every bit of surgery and chemo as a series of battles and it can help. It feels like a positive then.
Surgeons can also be crap about prepping you for the next bit. They’re a funny bunch. Look into vaccinations for chemo sooner rather than later as often it’s too late by the time the oncologist mentions it!
When is your surgery booked for? X
. I need to wait for a doctor to look at it tomorrow now and see if they feel happy with using it. If not, I will have a cannula which I really don’t want as my veins are awful, Emma
For the first 48 hours the nerve block was great and I thought I was amazing 
then as it wore off I realised why I needed to take codeine! I was up and about at home after the first day, sleepy but managed the drains in a special little bag, they came out after a week, done by the nurse. The scar is incredibly small and (at my age 
) will never be seen (it’s underneath the breast) Amazing!
