Ian, I have just seen this. I am so sorry to hear the news. Debs was a wonderful lady (well you know that) and your words were a great tribute to her. She was lucky to have you, as you were to have her. She will be sorely missed.
Much love and strength
Dilys
Ive been following Debs post for a while now but have never posted before…so apologies if Im doing this wrong!
Most days I would log on at some point to catch up with Debs news, Im really sad to come on here and to read of Debs passing, what terrible sad news.
Debs was a great help to many on here, even the slient ones like me. Her posts would never fail to cheer me up and make me laugh, even on the bad days I would take great comfort coming on here and knowing Im not alone…I will forever be greatfull to Debs for that.
Ian your post was lovely, thanyou for sharing and letting us all know. You are a true credit to Debs. My thoughts are with you, the girls and the rest of Debs Family and Friends.
I can just imagen her showing the Angels how to do the poo dance lol!
Thankyou Debs and see you in the next life xx
Words fail me, I cannot begin to feel how you must all be feeling right now, but cyber love and hugs to you all,
xxmumszyxx
I was so sorry to hear that Debs is gone. Ian thanking for taking the time to write that lovely post.
with love and prayers for your and your family
Wizz
RIP Debs and special thoughts to Ian and all the family. Your special memories will stay with you and Debs will live in your hearts forever xx
AJxxx
Hi Ian
I’ll miss her too, her posts informed me,made me laugh, and she was very generous in the time she gave to others on here and through her campaigning. So sorry for your loss.
Hugs
Kinden
x
So sorry that Debs has gone and you have lost your lovely wife Ian. To my shame I have been avoiding her thread recently because I found it too painful to read.
Your mutual love and support shone through in her posts and I have envied what you shared. My sincere condolences to you and your family. She was a special person to find the strength to help others throughout her own struggle.
Jan
The legacy we leave is a measure of what sort of person we were. Debsincornwall has left an amazing legacy of love, seflessness and help for others, so eloquently testified in the posts made in tribute to her here. As someone who is merely the husband of a woman with secondaries I would like to thank Debs for her posts, particularly her post about mothers of young children with secondary breast cancer. The world really is a poorer place for her passing. Best wishes to her family at this terrible time.
I am so sorry to hear this. Thank you Ian for your touching tribute and for taking the time to fill us in on her last hours. It really helps us to know a little of how she went. I am so glad you had all those extra years, but so sad she didn’t make it to see the little bean. At least she knew of his/her existence and could share in that joy. I will be praying for you and all the family,Ian, that God will bring you his peace and strength at such a rotten time, especially with it being Christmas.
Missing her ‘voice’ already
With love
Jacquie x
Hi Ian
I would just like to say that was an amazing,tribute to an amazing lady.Well done on looking after her so tremendously. You are an inspiration as was debs.
Thinking of your family.
deepest net hugs.
Sharon
xxxx
I would to add my sincere condolences to Debs family and friends. I know she will be greatly missed on this forum and that she has helped many people.
Adele
hello ian and family,
i have had connection problems for the last week or so and have only just caught up on your news. my heart is sad that your wonderful wife and mum has had to leave you because of this awful disease. there is very little i can say that has not already been said. it has been a privilege to be a cyber friend of such a special person, i promised to pray for her and all of you - that promise will continue.
my thoughts will especially be with you on tuesday as you say your last goodbyes, may you feel loved and supported by all who love debs and you,
with love,
lenny
xxxx
Dear Ian and family
so sorry to hear of Debs passing. I read many of her posts and saw her on the BBC interview. I am so sorry she has gone and I wish you and your family all the best at this difficult time.
Helen.
I rarely come on the site now,but was very sad to hear of Debs’ passing.God bless you and yours Ian.
Tricia
xxx
Will be thinking of you all today and saying a prayer for Debs, may she rest in peace. xx
Just wondered if anybody from here went to the funeral? I have been thinking of Debs and her Family alot today xx
Dear Ian and Family,
A little late, I am so sorry to hear the passing of your dear beloved Wife and Mum Debs.
Have not ventured on this site over Xmas.
Well what can I say!!, only to loose another one of us to this Ba****d of a cruel disease, pls excuse my french far too soon…
My sincere condolences to you and yours.
Rip Debs
xxxxx
Ian
I am so sad at your loss. Reading your words moved me to tears.
Love and strength to you and your family at this truly difficult time.
Ann xxx
I’m so very sorry to hear of your loss - my thoughts and prayers are with you all.
RIP Debs
Hello this is Deb’s husband Ian.
I thought I would just let everyone know the funeral service seemed to go very well. The chapel at Manchester Crematorium was full and I had managed to get hold of a number of her old friends so even if they could not manage to get to the wake afterwards, they were able to pay their respects at the service.
About half the “congregation” then went on to the White Lion pub in Manchester which Debs used to manage in the 80’s and which always remained her social base when we went into Manchester centre. We were joined by a good many other people unable to get to the actual service.
In the past Debs and I had often talked about her ideas for the service and she had pondered a “green” casket and a humanist service but in the past few months when she became much more ill she was much less willing to discuss it.
Her daughters and I were desperate to organise something she would have been happy with so the absence of specifics was a bit of a nightmare and could easily have led to disagreement and upset among us if we had had different ideas about what she would have wanted but we made sure we all agreed on everything so there could be no regrets or recriminations afterwards.
Although she had mused about wicker caskets and half-a-dozen other other types of ceremony, as I say, nothing was ever properly written down which was very unusual for Debs. We decided that at heart she liked tradition so went for a lovely dark oak casket and we ummed-and-ahhed about whether we should ask for no flowers except family. I hope she was happy with our choices
All I knew for sure was her choice of four songs because she had played them to me and her eldest, Samantha and explained why she chose them. They were Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley as we walked in; Our Love Is Easy by Melody Gardot for me; It’s Your World Now by the Eagles for her girls and Don’t Rain On My Parade by Bobby Darin to lift our spirits as we left. In the absence of any other definite instructions from Debs we decided to have an Anglican priest coordinate the service, linking a couple of simple prayers, the songs and a couple of eulogies, one from her best friend Elaine and one from me. It was nerve-wracking for both of us but the adrenaline got us through even though we each both really struggled with our last paragraphs.
I must tell you that in my eulogy I quoted from several of the condolence messages posted here on this thread, they were a beautiful accompaniment to my own efforts to describe my wife and our time together.
This will be my last posting here on BCC so I would once again like to thank all the other members, both present and no longer with us, for their friendship and companionship with Debs.
Also, at the risk of sounding bossy or morbid, I would strongly urge anyone to make it very clear what they want at their service. Each family member has strong views on what they think sums-up their beloved wife, mum, sister etc. and they can be very different.
Good luck to all the women on here dealing with cancer, on top of everything else life throws at you. Good luck also to your partners and family; often our sense of helplessness when we look at you can be overwhelming. I know Debs was helped by the support and advice of others and so I took comfort in knowing she had more than just me to talk to.
Finally, at the risk of souring the tone, may I also ask that everyone here makes sure that the announcement of someone’s passing is done in in the right way, i.e. an “official message” from either the partner / family or a BCC member who has been asked to speak on their behalf.
I cannot begin to tell you how upset I was to discover Deb’s passing was common knowledge before I had even had time to prepare myself to let you all know in a manner I felt was fitting for Deb’s memory. I wrote to the forum moderators to express my hurt but never received a reply. One of Deb’s friends on this site had to be a spokesperson on my behalf and effectively act as a moderator. This is an incredibly unsatisfactory state of affairs.
Rant over.
Love to you all.
Ian,
and Debsxxx