Hi Vodka
My way of dealing with people like that is to turn it round on them. Things like oh the support i have has bee fantastic from people I wouldnt have expected it from just goes to show you people are there for you when you need them. Not only will this get your dig in but it will make them feel like crap.
Joanne
Hi Girls
As ever a tonic for the troops!! Had a massive hangover today as had my official unbirthday yesterday - just like the queen! Admit I could have done wothout feeling so grim as I’m sure there will be plenty of time for that when in hospital. My real birthday is next Tuesday the 8th July - when I’ll be in hospital recovering from getting my old boob sorted and my new one put in it’s place. Great birthday present!!
My lovely support worker from Breast Cancer Care calls her new boob a bionic boob. I quite like the idea of that - a bionic boob with special powers to zap those irritating people. Feel really nervous as impending M-day is this Friday - terrible butterflys. They will definitely have to give me a pre-med or something like that as I’m sure I will hyper ventilate.
My other lovely friend said when she went to have hers done she wrote little messages all over her boob saying goodbye to it. Apparently the surgeon thought this very amusing but took them a while to rub it all off!!
Understand what you mean about in-laws. My sister in-law hasn’t once picked up the phone but told my OH that she didn’t know what to say to me. She didn’t have to say anything but is a card that difficult? Can certainly zap her with my new bionic super boob when I get it!
lots of love Ruth xxx
Aaaaarrrrrggghhhh! My mother in law! - She infuriates me!
I am starting FEC on Thursday and so went in today for blood tests. No big deal me thinks. So I get the phone call with the down voice and drawling tones of “how are you?” I’m fine I reply (why wouldnt I be?). “Well, if your blood tests arn’t OK then you can’t have your chemo!” I know this and actually I haven’t even bloody started it yet, right now I am actually feeling really good! She doesn’t listen and it really pi**es me off! My mum died 6 years ago and now is the first time that I feel cheated!
Sorry, needed to get that off my chest. Sounds really petty but this is the woman who shouted at my 4 year old daughter (1 week after my mastectomy) telling her she was a “naughty little girl and to do as she was told, especially as mummy is poorly!” I wanted to smack her in the mouth - fortunately I didn’t have the energy. But I did tell my husband to get her out of my house and then had to tell my daughter that her behaviour has not made mummy ill.
May seem like the wrong thread to post this onto but this woman has said pretty much everything beforehand.
Feeling better for purging…thanks
Hi Vodka
Think I may have suggested this to someone else some time ago (have been in “chemo” for ages - am wondering if I am setting a record!) … perhaps you could try something like this re: your mo and sis in law …
Ring them up all excited and say …
“Thank you sooooo much for the lovely flowers - when you didn’t ring much I didn’t think you cared but now I know you do so thank you so much - I feel so much like part of your family now!” … if you could manage a snivel at the end that would be good …
what do you think?
love FB xxxxxxxxxxxx
Vodka - I agree that turning the tables is a good idea - they ain’t ringing you - you ring them… only not for yourself - tell them that things have been awful, you lost at least half your circulating volume in theatre, you can’t move your affected side at all and the pain and lack of sleep has been harrowing… but your husband has been a real brick, there for you throughout and despite having to deal with the potentials of his wife haveing a life threatening disease he continues to have a smile for you and make you feel loved however bad it is. You feel that he has few people to talk to and are concerned about him…if only there were a few more people that could take the burden of cooking and ironig fromhim whilst you suffer stoically…
Don’t forget to tell him about this though… !
I think sarcasm is lost on these people, but bitterness is just seen as ‘bad bones’ and not worth the hassle, so I’d go low key sarcasm anytime…
3 weeks post surgery my M in law asked us to travel up to see them for fathers day & her birthday. It’s a 2 hour journey in the car. i was finding it hard to go 2 minutes in the car. I expressed my concern that it would be difficult and she said, ‘well, just see how you are at the w/e and if you can’t make it I’m sure you’ll be alright onyour own for a few hours whilst J comes with the baby’ (this was her being understanding) I said , ‘well, you could always come here…’ to which she responded ’ but that would be so much work for you!’ What was i to do? I bit my tongue, ended the conversation and told OH about it when he got in. He rang her and said (for the first time ever ever standing up to mum) ‘She MEANT you come here and cook sunday lunch!’
They didn’t come. we did go. i didn’t lift a finger. Nor open my mouth. at the end of the day she said ‘it was so brave of you to make the journey…’ I said 'yes, but i have chemo for the next 18 weeks and I shan’t be up at all during that time. If you get any time to come to help look after the grandchildren, it would be appreciated. Because I really shall stay in my bed then.
Watch this space!!!
Td xx
Thanks for this thread which is funny and sad at the same time.
I finished chemo in April, and my hair is coming back very very slowly. The other day, I was so fed up that I just decided not to wear my head scarf any more - it was too hot and I feel better without it. So I went to see my mum at the weekend who at once said ‘Where is your scarf’. I found myself shouting "I feel better without it - I am not going to wear ths darn thing just to make other people feel better. I have had cancer and the treatment has made my hair come out and if anyone has a problem with that, they can b****er off " I felt much better afterwards, I wasn’t really shouting at my mum, I was raging at the injustice of this awefull illness we have.
Actually my hair isn’t really long enough to go without a scarf, but I don’t really care at this stage - six months of scarves is enough for me, so now I am going round with nothing on my head, and I don’t care any more - sod the lot of them
Was this not suppose to be a fun thread come one get the smiles back.
Joanne
I was dx a week ago, my partner decided to leave me as he couldn’t cope with me not coping and his Mum said “he’s been very supportive though” yes, very supportive for, er, 5 days waiting for results, 6 days since, so that would be … 11 days … the saint …
my best advice would be “Don’t let them live rent-free in your head” and remember how helpful they’ve been any time they themselves need help.
and i think waitingangel’s idea is brilliant!
Fiona x
while walking round my shops the other day I noticed a little boy giving his mum a really hard time after about 20 mins I was standing to be served and they were behind me I could hear him asking his mum why I had no hair and I turned round and said. It was because I never did as my mummy told me so my hair fell out. God bless him he looked horrified but then turned to his mum and said sorry mummy i’ll be good. His mum mouthed the words thank you. See even looking like crap can help some people.
Joanne
Thank you Joanne - that made me laugh!! Td x
Actually I’ve become a right b***h if someone queue jumps me, eg a the the pub.
Side effect of treatment I think… we no longer suffer fools gladly… I no longer suffer them at all 
I have just spent who knows how long reading all of the comments on here and some have been extremely funny.
I have to say that I really need one of the t-shirts that says “I know I look well”.
I think that everyone expects you to be bald as soon as you are dx.
I went out for a walk with my cousin and friend the other week and my cousin hadn’t seen me for ages and was all “God you’re looking really well” of course before treatment.
My kids returned from holidays on Monday to me with short hair (been long for 3 years), they hate it.
Today my eldest says “Mum with your shourt hair and those glasses you really do look like Clare” my friend.
As much as I love Clare I am not as fat as her, will be by the end of the week at this rate, and I don’t show as much flesh as her, even before ops.
So i quickly reminded him that at 11 he isn’t too big for a dig round the ear hole, cheeky wee sod.
I went out with the girls from work yesterday and they were all ooohing an aaahing at my hair being short.
I just reminded them that it gave me a fat head and I look like a chipmunk, I have given up with the niceties and pretending to be fine about it.
Sorry none of that was in the slightest bit funny but I am tired and irritable and and and and and and.
Love and hugs
Lisa
xoxo
Well iam off out this weekend minus the hair so I bought those stick on body diamonte’s and I’m gonna stick them on the back of my head I reckon if folk are gonna stare they might as well have something to stare at.
Anyone else got any good ideas to decorate our heads. ive tried the stick on bows you get for chrissy pressies but my son says i look stupid lol
Joanne
Joanne42 that is brilliant!
I am sick of people asking me if I’m at work. My GP said no way are you going back to work (I’m a workaholic, specialist teacher for children with autism) and I feel guilty about not being there. (Work are fantastic, they’ve said don’t give this place a thought)
Someone txt me yesterday and said “how awful that you’re not at work, was it your decision?” I was so annoyed, and sorely tempted to txt back “no, the doctors all say it’s fine to carry on as normal but I just felt like lying around reading leaflets about mastectomies, chemotherapy and being bald with no eyelashes” but didn’t, because he didn’t mean it as a criticism.
My daughter (9) said “will you be just like a TALL CHILD when you’ve got no breasts?” I said yes. Let’s hope so eh?
PS In Oldham where I live, “you look really well” means “you look really fat” so I’m not looking forward to that one.
I found that stick on tattoos on the side of my head were a bit of fun. My friend’s 14 year old son was impressed on our first meeting that I had a tiger leaping over my ear!
With a bald head they can look a bit intimidating and if you get the right ones no one will mess with you!
Tell you what Rosemarywine, nobody will dare call you fatty!
Thank you all for your witty comments, i think i’ll try some of your ideas out.
what is it about in-laws thats gets on our nerves. maybe we should start a new disscusion on ‘In-Laws’ and see what funny stories we all have to make us laugh.
my mother-law tried to split me and my OH up several times she even tried to put a halt on our wedding. 18 years later and she still not managed! the b***h.
hah my mother in law whispered to my husband about 3 minutes before we got married “you don’t have to go through with this you know”, that was ten years ago, we’ve been divorced 7, but as your story shows Vodka, bad start needn’t mean bad end! And I’ve forgiven her now!
Hi Fiona
I know exactly what you mean about the phrase “Oh you’re looking well”. They might as well come out with it and say " for F**K sake, you have put on a shed load of weight!". If, on the other hand, you are looking slim you will get the “Oh My God, haven’t you lost weight! You look so slim now. I didnt like to say before, but My God, you were a fat cow!”. Past caring, me - Mad for it.
In the same way as people say “its only hair it will grow back”, you could say “its only a breast it will grow back”
that will shut them up. I was so sick of people asking how I was that I just said " fine" and changed the subject.
I didnt and still dont want BC to take over my life and every conversation. Except on here of course this is different.
lots of love Andrea xx