I am in a really surreal place.........

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841

Hiya,
Oh CM I am so sorry to hear that things are not good ( i know thats an understatement) If you need to off load, you know where I am. Please take care of yourself xxxx

I had a lovely day, don’t know why I am so tired as we didn’t go out till 2.30. We arrived at a lovely old hotel…The old parsonage in Oxford. Very quaint inside, lovely surroundings. We were shown t our table, negotiated a few steps I hadn’t bargained for but ok and the chairs were perfect and very comfy but easy to for e to get out of.

Ohhhh I forgot to say Jane had bought me a lovely Turquoise top which perked me up, no end as it really looked as nice as anything would look on my body, so I felt better about myself.

Jane and I had champagne with out tea, just as well as the blended tea was revolting :o) we had a cake stand which made me laugh, lovely petite sandwiches, very tasty fillings then 2 scones each with clotted cream and raspberry jam and then the cakes…what can I say. Each of them was just one bite, literly…I have never seen such a small slither of sponge cake, any smaller and it would have fallen apart. All very tasty but not the ‘show’ I was expecting. Saying that, I couldn’t have eaten anymore, so eyes are definately bigger than stomach!!!

It was very civialized, both mum and Jane seemed to enjoy it and it was nice to get dressed up and do something different for a change.

I was so exhausted though, poor Jane, I had a few spoon fulls of dinner then slept till 10 o’clock in the chair. We then went to the kitchen and started cooking red currant jelly as it has to drip overnight, so we can bottle up tomorrow. She did manage to sink a bottle and a half of wine with XOH and seems they had a laugh.Its so nice, I know she tollerates him to an extent as he has hurt me so much in the past, but they get on, so it bodes well for the future…

My breathing is bad tonight, thats why I am up, will try and go back to bed without disturbing Jane too much. Its lovely to have her here, comforting in many ways. I know how I luv her to bits but never realised the extent of our closeness, I would find it so hard to live without her so goodness knows what she will feel like. I try not to think about it.

I know when its time to call it a day, when I start to ramble and bore you all LOL!!! sorry :o)

Night night all…I hope you are asleep CM, Twinky and Libby.

Clare xxx

842

Hi Clare

Guilty of being awake! Indigestion woke me up and just played a couple of games of Scrabble on my phone. Might creep downstairs as I fancy a glass of chocolate milk! Am annoyed to be awake as I wanted a stroll around a big Saturday market so need quite a few spoons if my lethargy after a single trip to Tesco yesterday was anything to go by. Sorry to hear your breathing is not good tonight. Hope it eases enough for you to go get some more sleep soon. Lovely that you are spending some quality time with Jane. Mean cake portions for afternoon tea…whatever next!

Had a long chat with the Mum of one of my best friends tonight. The first anniversary of her death is the day after my birthday ( bless her for hanging on a couple more hours into the day after my birthday before losing her fight). Miss her so much. She left a big hole in the life of everyone who knew her. Can’t believe it’s been a year already. Feels like yesterday sometimes. I’m going to take her Mum out soon, before my next juicing.

Suppose I ought to go get a drink if I really want one & then settle back down again.

Hope there aren’t too many of you lurking here tonight

Twinky x

843

I’m awake. Can’t really complain though as I slept from 9.30pm to 1.30am (helped by a few glasses of wine). I had a lovely evening with my OH and our two dau’s. We had a long lingering dinner cooked by OH - beef casserole cooked in guiness, polenta with cheese, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower and mashed potato all washed down with wine and followed by cheese and biscuits, very enjoyable.

Clare, good to hear you had a lovely day with your mum and sister, your afternoon tea sounds delicious but stingy cake portions! Main thing is the three of you enjoyed it. How thoughtful of Jane to buy you a nice top and in your favourite colour too, what a lovely sister.

As you said, it’s comforting for you that Jane and XOH get along and reassuring for Aisling and Jamie.

I hope you have managed to get back to sleep and your breathing has improved.

I’m now getting my head around metaplastic carcinoma, and have decided to just accept it, and maybe my Onc will have positive info. Anyway, no point in worrying as it does no good!

Tonight I’ve been helping someone on a family history forum, it passes the time and I enjoy it. There’s a sense of satisfaction when able to knock down brickwalls for others. Family history has been a godsend for me over the past few months, it is a passion and something I’ve been able to concentrate on, unlike reading - which I can’t do, as it’s two pages forward and one back. Looking forward to being able to immerse myself in books again…just need my short term memory to return.

Twinky, I do hope you got back to sleep and are feeling OK to go to the market. Sorry to hear you lost your best friend last year, very sad. Her mum will appreciate you taking her out and it will be good for you both.

I’m going to try and sleep now. Have fun bottling Clare, and enjoy your day.

Wishing everyone a good weekend.

Libby xxx

844

Your tea sounds lovely but why oh why are they sooooo stingy with portions? Laughed regarding your slither of sponge cake, they maybe slice with a razor. Great that you were wearing a new top too, it’s amazing the boost you get from new clothes, I read further back that you are a great bargain hunter, me too just love the hunt! Bought a small unit for daughter yesterday (to hold all the boxsets she has) and paid £2, the unit was carried home by 2 young shop assistants, I couldn’t believe their kindness, still feel overwhelmed.
Hope you are resting well xx

845

Evening all,

Just off to bed. Had a nice day with Jane, we really didn’t do much apart from make redcurrant jelly and chat. She had a lay in after my restless night LOL. I have run out of sleeping tablets till Monday as they didn’t seem to recieve my request and weren’t there for collection today EEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK!!! so we shall see if I sleep worse or better and if they are doing any good at all.

Hope you all have had a great weekend, hasn’t the weather been awsome…It was like this 22 years ago but 10 degrees hotter on the 17th March when I got married. I’ll laways remember 72Degrees and we had the reception half indoors and half out by the river at Marlow.
Many of our photos were outdoors which we really didn’t bargin for :o)

Off to bed soon, although I have done nothing but sleep since Jane went at 5, I just get so tired though, it just creeps up. I am thinking of cancelling a lunch I have on Tuesday because after my hospital visit on Monday I can’t imagine I will be up to it. The trouble is its with the lady I used to work for again and she may start to get a complex LOL.

Night night all…let the experiment begin :o)

Clare xxx

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Clare, please can I blow kisses in your general direction. After a couple of stressful days away I’m at OH’s house (he’s upstairs snoring and my laptop#s about to run out of juice) but your lovely messages have come through. Just a bit p = tiddly to email you properly, but i’VE really valued your messages over the past couple of days.

Will send again when sober. ;-D

CM
x

847

Evening Clare what do you have? I am going to Olney for lunch tomorrow so I could drop In a couple to keep you going. The tea sounds lovely but mean portioned. An establishment tone avoided when hunger strikes.

848

Clare, hope you manage some sleep tonight, but no pills on hand, oh dear, hope you are ok or if not its out with the hotmilk/choc.
I love turquoise and I imagine your top looks lovely with your colouring, so kind of your sister.
Glad you enjoyed your trip with your mum, tea and cakes, can’t beat it. Very comforting and girly, yum.
The shewee sounds great, just don’t flash it round at the hotel else they’ll all want one! Sorry bit cheeky but the image made me smile!
Libby - good luck with your results etc - I am a genealogy freak as well, I wish I’d found it when I had my primary treatment, so interesting and always more to find. Always there to dip in to.
CM - dull days are definitely good for you. Its official!
Kaj - anastrozole insomnia? I’ve been taking it for 6 weeks or so and have had a few unsettled nights - maybe thats why - hey ho
Nicky - I’m also a list girl and have often got up in the night to add one or two things to the latest list, helps me to settle I think!
Heres to a good night for as many of us as possible.
Night all

849

Hi Clare,
Went out for a walk with my daughter and her mad dog. Loads of wild Claredrops everywhere - we must be a bit behind you, up here in the frozen North (Midlands). Anyway, when I saw them I smiled and said a little prayer for you.

Take care
kaj
xxx

850

Sweet dreams, Clare. Hope you’re tucked up in your whizzy posh bed and snoozing, ready for the lovely weather we’re supposed to have tomorrow.

851

Have a lovely lunch in Olney Cackles - you’ll only be five minutes away from me, or you would be if I wasn’t in work the other side of Bedford…

By the way, if anyone’s interested there’s a great lingerie shop in rose Court in Olney, called “At Ruby’s”. They have some lovely things and are very good with post-surgery bras. They have a lady who’ll sew a pocket into ordinary bras so you don’t have to buy a mastectomy one.

Clare, your tea and cakes sounds terribly civilised. What a good idea to have champagne with it! I really need to lose some weight but have been doing loads of baking recently and just have to try some of each batch - not a very good idea!

Jane xxx

852

Hi there,

Hope you all had a great weekend, the weather was enough to put a smile on your face, whatever you were feeling like, It was lovely. I sat out for a while, wishing my hammock was up LOL although goodness knows how I would have got in and out of it :o)

I did a big zero today again, which suited me fine as I am really slowing down now. I think many trips out are a thing of the past unless my enrgy returns. I did drive into Banbury and drop Aisling off to see her friends. I havee been nagging her for months to go out…not sure whether it was cause she wasn’t invited or just too shy to go. So I was pretty determined that she went LOL and Jamie will have to take her in if she goes again to get her used to using the buses, so she doesn’t have to rely on lifts.

That was the some total of my usefulness today…Hope you had a lovely time in Olney Cackles :o) I hope both CM and Twinky are well rested and been able to chill a little. Jane, a little of what you fancy does you know harm ( or did I just make that up to justify myself :o) Good luck with your results Libby, everything crossed for you hun x You must be a little colder Kaj where you are because my snowdrops have almost given up the ghost and its onto Daffs now, big time :o) Perhaps I will set you the task of finding out which variety smells :o)

Night night all, sleep tight

Clare xxx

853

Evening Clare thank you Olney was fine we went to Northampton first to collect bits from the boat that we might need in Scotland. Luncheon was with eight super friends lively and out for fun and relaxation. The sun shone the Pims I the garden was tne first of the year tasty salmon mouse and salad , well cooked rib roast, pudding, cheese wine and laughter.then home for an early night…problem is I am having a no slumber night. It is to e Togo downstairs for a hot chocolate and fridge raid!
Clare you know I can get to you in half a hour if you need anything just ring
Cackles.

854

Morning Clare. Having a great weekend now I’m out of the chemo fog. Been out making myself tired ( as opposed to just feeling tired at home) plus my parents are up to help celebrate my birthday today so got lots of company for a change. Inlaws are coming over too & we’re heading out to a pub by the canal in Napton for lunch today. I will text you & arrange to pop in with some birthday cake & a quick cuppa sometime this week.

Better catch a few more zzzz before I start opening cards & presents!

Twinky x

855

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear Twinky
happy birthday to you

applause…

Well, I have discovered a pattern here ladies… whenever you talk about sunshine it is grey in Glasgow but when you don’t talk about weather at all the sun peeps out. I have to assume it is favouring you because it is too scary to venture this far north :slight_smile:

It’s lovely hearing you all chat about places from my childhood… makes you all seem a bit closer.

Clare I hope you are feeling refreshed today, Cackles that the packing is going well (still hoping you’ll call by when you’re up this way), CM thinking of you and sending a cyber hug, all other Clare-drops hope you’re well too.

Off to GP today to see about my Tam-ified joints and tendons… don’t hold your breath!

856

Happy Birthday Twinky :slight_smile: Hope you have a lovely day with your parents now that the chemo fog has cleared - unlike the real fog which is rather thick here this morning. It’s also my YD’s 21st today and we spent the weekend with her (and our ED) in Disneyland Paris! Long story but YD is at uni in Paris so we were going to visit anyway and not able to be there today due to OH’s work. As we’d been to Disneyland before for their birthdays may moons ago it’s where they both wanted to go, so we did. Not so nice weather there though, none of this sun that’s I’ve heard about. Hopefully it will be a glorious day for all and the sun will shine.
Glad you’ve had a few nice days with Jane, Clare. As you say, maybe a couple of quieter days to regain some energy and only do the things you can and want to do. Hopefully your friend can understand your tiredness if you have to cancel your planned meet up. Remember to look after Number One :slight_smile:
Nicky xx

857

Hiya Cackles and Twinky,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TWINKY…
Hope you have a lovely day with your parents and outlaws today, you need a good fuss made of you and glad you are feeling up to the fussing tooooooooooo…

Cackles, you sound like you had a fab time in Olney, dinner sounds scrumptious and the good company helps too, to make it special and fun. I can imagine you. life and soul of the party, non stop chatter, its a wonder you got a chance to eat anything LOL or did they wait to catch up with you :o)

I have my infusion today at 3pm but hopefully going out on a jolly to the garden centre to kill time and get some compost for my seeds. Its funny planting seeds, almost knowing that you will never see them grow up and flower, I suppose it could be a goal but I fear that its a long shot!!!

The bottom of my legs look almost normal today but the tops are full and burning so I guess it mayb the wheelchair today. I have rang the place I am going to lunch to tomorrow but haven’t had any feed back re chairs, I do hope they get back to me as I am starting to fret about it a little…I really don’t want to go.

Have a good day all, its foggy here but hoping it will burn off by the time we go out.

Clare xxx

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Hey Rev. talking of past places we lived in…do you remember the steam ralleys that used to run each year??? we used to go every year for the whole of it as my dad helped organise it. I was in the tractor race there when I was about 8, driving a john Brown tractor in an obsticle race LOL…

It used to be up Ravenstone way when it started and then moved into Stoke Goldington in the latter years.

Hope my mention of the weather didn’t jinx you

Clare xxx

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Oooh Clare, I can smell the fumes and hear the clatter of rollers on the road as I read! Alas leaving Ravenstone when I was five means my memories are rather dim, but I always loved going to steam rallies anywhere I’ve lived. Thanks for the memory jog.

Feel free to say this is a stupid idea - but could you use your wheelchair inside restaurants? My Mum uses hers (massive electric thing) and lots of people I know use manual ones. It is often more comfy for them, and quite frankly the restaurant has no legal option but to shift chairs and tables to accommodate them (I think it’s called a ‘reasonable adjustment’). I also appreciate you might want the greater normality of sitting on a proper chair too.

Have a lovely day. Glasgow, like Manchester (where I have also lived, “my father was a wandering Aramaean”) tends to be mild and damp, but when the sun peeps through it’s party time!

860

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWINKS!!!

Clare, is this infusion you’re having your “good” bone juice? IIRC you felt a bit better after the last one you had, so hopefully the effort of getting there will be worth it because you’ll feel stronger after the infusion.

Still foggy down here in leafy Surrey, but it’s predicted to burn off as the day progresses. So doggie will get her walk on the common in the sunshine.