Hi Clare, wow, what can I say that everyone hasn’t, I keep dipping in and out of the forums since my treatment finished but do try and keep up with what is happening cos I found this forum a lifeline during my treatment last year and made some lovely friends… I was told about your post and have just spent a while readingt it all, just caught on re spoons, ( I was wondering about your profile pic Di, and now I understand ) wow, all I can add to that is that you can have my spoon that I made at school, carved with concentration and pride I would love to share my spoon with you. Your poems I will keep and though you do not know me, I feel a connection with you and all you have shared with everyone on here, all my love xxxxx
Hi there,
I am so in need of spoons today, so thank you for your donations, not sure I would have lasted the day out.
Mum came, I felt grim and looked grim, totally worn out as I didn’t get a great nights sleep. She said to stay at home and she would take the uniform back, but I went…better than staying in. I did feel beter going out and we managed to go and buy some fruit and stuff as I was running out. I love all differnet kinds and it means I don’t have to take laxatives as I eat so much of it.
In my garden we were looking for all the snowdrops and she discovered a clump under some stuff I never got round to clearing, just outside my kitchen window, she’s such a love and knows what pleasue i get from just looking out at them. She went out and cleared the patch, so I could see them and then planted some delicate ittle primroses that I bought while I was out. It looks so pretty, spring has sprung :o) i love looking at the inside of snowdrops, you have a peek one day, they are so perfectly patterned inside and the variety you can get never fails to surprise me. I walked over with my stick and turned one up to see and laughed to mum as my nan (who I lived with for 5 years until she died at 95) always used to get me to help her down to the snowdrop patch and do exactly the same with her walking stick. I bought all her snowdrops with me when we moved.
with all the family gathered in (my son has just come back for work) I am off to bed in the hope I will sleep all night and feel less fluey in the morning.
Oh I went to the doctors too, I am getting breathless but she says my lungs are clear, so can’t have an inhailer. Its my liver that is so enlarged pushing up and restricting my breath sometimes. Theres no fluid either so I suppose thats goodish. She just gave me something for the mouth, horrible thrush or something, I guess from the chemo. She had no suggestion about the flu symptoms, just said keep an eye on tempreature, which I do do anyway.
Night night all, I hope you all get some rest too. I am so aware that all you kind people are going on your own journey through this horrid BC and coping as best you can, or not in some cases. Sending you lots of love
Clare xxx
Clare, yet another lovely post, and what a lovely mummy you have to do the flowers for you. It’s often the simplest of things that give the most joy.
I can’t offer any posh spoons like DJ007, but when I did competitive swimming I always came last (definitely one for whom the taking part was more important than the winning) so I collected lots of wooden spoons. You’re very welcome to have them. (There are a lot, I was last every time I swam!)
Love and hugs, and the sweetest of dreams,
CM
x
I’ve found some love spoons - plenty to go round and they’re wooden too.
Snowdrops are my favourite flower Clare. Even when I was growing up I used to deliberately not go out in the garden for a few weeks, so that I could see if they were out on my birthday at the beginning of Feb.
Sleep well x
Snowdrops are so gorgeous, I love them too… love the way they defy the cold and darkness of winter and push their way through all green leafed and delicate flowered. I’m not a gardener at all - and now live in a third floor flat - but spring bulbs are my joy and my window sill is always sporting pots of this and that.
Hope you sleep well tonight and feel better tomorrow.
God bless… is it OK to say that? Good vibes if not.
I hope you have a restful nights sleep, Clare, you need to feel rested for your evening out in the pub tomorrow.
I too love snowdrops, there’s something optimistic about them as well as their beauty, they give us the message that spring is on its way. Then, when the crocus appear spring has sprung! The colours of crocus and their perfume is wonderful, nature at its best.
Hoping you waken tomorrow after a good sleep and with no flu like symptoms.
Enjoy the birthday party, I’m looking forward to reading what fun you had with your friends.
Libby xoxo
OOOOOhhhhhh I’d forgotten about the pub… a definate PJ day, visitors or not.
I’m just taking T and dougnut…(as percribed by the doctor, of course)
:o0 Clare xxx
Stayed up a bit too long, perhaps it was that dougnut !!!
Somethings…
When all is quiet, peace and solitude is sought
there is always somethings to be thought…
You would have imagine that you would run out at sometime
But there’s always somethings lurking, just behind…
My somethings revolve around my kids in the main
Wishing, hoping, planning, I’m not sure what I gain
Perhaps some peace, that I have done all that I could
and set them on the right path, like a mother always should
I had a good careear before the children came along
but nothing could prepare you for the feelings, oh so strong
When you lift your baby for the very first time
all thoughts of work and possibilities are gone
I gave up work and don’t regret a single minute
I lived for him, my new lifes work…
For 5 happy years we played and grew
till someone else came out of the blue
My longed for daughter, came at a price
2 miscarriages and heartache, but worth the wait
I feel a great guilt inside for hurting them as I depart this world,
and leave them all alone to face the next goal
I know they are not babies and will be able to cope
But I just can’t help leaving them little notes…
Perhaps I’ll call them ’ Nag’ notes :o) All my somethings
for them to share, to look up and check when I’m not there.:o)
Clare xxx
Beautiful.
xxx
Ditto xxx
another ditto here
Awww Clare, that is so lovely 
Hoping you manage a snooze today as you’ve obviously not slept a lot! Must be the SE’s of the doughnut - your GP should have warned you LOL
I saw my 1st clump of snowdrops last week in our local churchyard during the harsh frost we were having Spring is springing!
Have a good day
Nicky xx
And another ditto from me Clare.
Rest up and don’t spare the donuts! - Hope you make the pub tonight.
Laurie xxx
Another beautiful poem, Clare.
Thanks for sharing.
Libby x
Thank you for your beautiful words Clare. I think it is great that you are still posting your thoughts and sharing with us what what you have been doing. My energy levels are zilch so I admire your strength and how you are dealing with things. I didn’t see your thread at first as the title didn’t click with me. But I have been trying to catch up in all the replies you have had since I came across the thread.
Snowdrops. Oh how I love them too. I have a hat pin with a snowdrop on it that my sister in law gave me many moons ago. She doesn’t keep in touch with her children a son and daughter. Her son has now 2 children a girl and a boy and she has only met her grand-daughter once and her grandson has never seen her at all. I have tried so many times asking her to phone or email or text me but she never has. I think she has her reasons but her son and daughter have now given up hope and no longer try to contact her. I wrote at Christmas. Nothing.
What makes me upset is that I would love with all my heart to hold grandchildren but my 2 girls have not had any kids yet. My sister-in-law doesn’t know what she is missing because her grandchildren are just beautiful and now 6 and 8 years old. Life is so unfair in lots and lots of ways.
However Clare you keep me smiling and have restored my faith in human nature. I know we have written to each other and although I have never met you I wished I had as you are my kind of woman. You are loved Clare by so many. You are blessed indeed. Love Val
Thank you Clare, your thoughts and your poems are very thought-provoking for me. When I was in primary school we had a song about snowdrops:
Snowdrop raise your shining head
From your cold and wintry bed
Dainty flower sweet and pure
How can you so long endure
All the freezing winds that blow
And the bitter weight of snow
Yet you climb into the air
For the Spring that beckons there.
It has remained with me ever since. I hope you like it.
Love Mo xx
Hi Clare, Just been on a snowdrop hunt thanks to your prompt…and found some hidden at the bottom of my garden. I think it is more exciting to find or dicsover things rather than have them handed to us!! I hope you have found something beautiful today…even if it is the sight of a nice glass of something in the pub tonight!!
Hug,
Sadie Xx Xx
Clare, I am so grateful that you have shared your LIVING with us, I’m sure others feel the same. You have given us the chance to show our love for you - no, I don’t think that’s too strong a word - while you are still here to hear it, and I hope that that helps to give you warm feelings and a few more spoons to get you through your days.
Your dignity in your ordinary activities is uplifting and it makes me so glad that you have been able to share the daily goings-on and lovely treats.
You are creating some beautiful memories for your family, your friends, and people who have never even met you.
Thank you.
CM
x
CM - you really have summed things up perfectly xx
Claire - there are no snowdrops in our garden, it’s not been particularly cultivated until the past couple of years - I’m going to save a spoon to make sure that we go and buy some at the weekend in the green! There will be a pot to remember you and your strength by and a few orhers for special people who are up above.
I hope you enjoy your drink tonight!
Axx
What beautiful and poignant words CM; you have managed to articulate how we all feel.
Clare, I hope you rested up today in preparation for partying tonight. Have a fun evening.
Libby x