How beautifully put CM
I love snow drops and seen my first this year today and thought of you. Hope you get to the pub tonight and have fun 
You are amazing your strength and courage what a lady you are.
Love and hugs Silver xxx
Now you’ve inspired me to get out into my back garden and go on a snowdrop hunt. I’ve got the day off work tomorrow so might spend a bit of time in the garden if it’s dry.
I also love hellebores - mine are just coming into flower. Of course, they’re like snowdrops - the heads hang down so they take a bit of effort to see, but well worth it. My mum has a new variety with upright flowers but somehow it’s just not the same.
Clare, you’ve reached so many people now with these posts of yours - we’ll all think of you whenever we see snowdrops.
I hope you get to the pub tonight - have you kept some spoons in reserve? Have a lovely evening and (fingers crossed) a good night’s sleep.
Jane xxx
Same for me too CM, you have summed it up and Clare, thank you, I too will be on the hunt now for snowdrops,and Mo loved your snowdrop song from the primary school. xxxxxxx
Hi there,
I loved that snowdrop song too, sums up the total delight in something so new and pure.
I didn’t get to the pub tonight, it was sleet and rainy and so cold, that I rather gave up. It was touch and go anyway as i don’t feel that bright today.
I had a visit from a friend in the village, who bought me a food parcel :o) and yet another goody bag of sweet smelling stuff for the bath( not sure whether she is trying to tell me something :o)) She is the model visitor and stayed for about an hour, sounds mean but thats all I could really do.
I did try and get some sleep, but even though our phones are still off (someone pinched all the copper wire) my mobile still keeps ringing, so with 1 hour down my nurse from the chemo unit rang to see how i was and woke me but in the end I was glad she did. She’s so decisive and I know she has my best interest at the forfront. I said about just starting the chemo back again and that my liver was so big and she just said stop it Clare and she made an appointment with the oncologist for tuesday. She just said ‘give urself a break’
So I am giving myself another week off, just hoping to not be so tired and there must come a point when I stop and judge between quality and quantity as to be honest, I never thought I’d be here now.
Sorry not a very interesting day today but I did get a little rest so perhaps tomorrow will be less of a chore.
I read the other posts and sometimes long to reply to them but I feel that I don’t want to put a downer on the poor women who are being newly diagnosed. My heart goes out to them, especially to the younger women. I used to feel hard done by when I was diagnosed at 36 but then I read the posts of ladies in there 20’s who haven’t had the chance to live, i suppose…not explaining it well.
Its tough on us all, I know and no one wants this to be their life but its the cards we are dealt in the end and we must make the most of it.
I had another call from a lovely man, I have known him since I was 11. He was connected to the church I went too with my parents. He’s a great family friend and I have asked him to say something at my funeral…I used to confide in him as a teenager, he was always there for me, I used to secretly fancy him too and he screamed with laughter when I told him last year :o) He wants to come and visit in a week or so (he has a cold at the moment) Its a bit odd but I hope he doesn’t ask me what I want him to say lol. I am not totally sure why I asked him but i suppose its because I trust him and know that even if I am not here he will do his best for me.
My fingers are cramping so its difficult to type now, so i’ll say good night to all of you beautiful ladies who keep me going throughout the day, just knowing you are thinking of me gives me a boost and I thank you for it.
Clare xxx
Oh Clare
I feel so privilidged that you are sharing so much of your thoughts and feelings with us…it must be a hard thing to do I guess… Or maybe it’s easier … I don’t know but i just think it’s wonderful that you feel you can share your innermost thoughts with us your cyber friends… You speak so eloquently and so unafraid which I find is refreshing as so many people want to bury their heads and hope it goes away… I know that might be right for them but I know my views on life and death don’t seem to be shared by the general population ( being my family and friends) and if brought up at home we are all told not to think like that as it’s pessimistic… I disagree I think it realistic… So well done being a realist and long may it continue… Hope your not too uncomfortable and tired. Also loving your poetry.
Love from a fully paid up member of the Clare ‘Spoons’ Potmaid fan club.
Hoe you get a good sleep
Love Lxx
Clare,
Thank you for all the lovely honest posts.
Take care
Sweet dreams
Hugs with lots of spoons
Maj x
Hoping you are resting peacefully if not quite asleep.
I’m off to bed now after too many hours on the computer and my back is hurting!
Hope you don’t feel uncomfortable when you post.
If you do, just remember we will wait…
Take good care now.
Sending you a comfortable hug!
Goodnight Clare.
Wxx
Hello Clare,
I’d like to become a fan member of the Clare ‘spoons’ Potmaid club.
I don’t think that your posts are depressing to us newly dx, even
Though I’m on my 2nd op I still feel newly diagnosed.
I find your posts inspiring and very calming. Like lulu said you
Are a realist and you have got to acceptance.
So please keep up these wonderful posts and I hope you got some
Sleep and have a good day today.
Lots of love
Fran xx
Clare, I think Choccie, who always has some wise thoughts to share, expresses it so well when she says you are sharing your LIVING with us. You are ‘living life in all its fullness’ (you’ll know where that’s from) as well as modelling for us dignity and poise in the challenges of acceptance. Eek that sounds like (a) a text book (b) rather patronising. Hope you know what I mean.
Anyway, I am glad you stayed out of the cold and sleet yesterday… it was grim up here… and glad that you are being given space to determine what you want to do, not just what the hospital can do.
Ordinary days are interesting too… just that many/most of us didn’t know that until bc entered our lives.
Hope today is kind to you. Keep warm and indulge yourself.
Hugs ‘n’ Spoons to borrow Sadie’s phrase.
Morning Clare
Hope you got some good quality zzzzz’s and a fresh selection of spoons ready for the day.
The reason your posts are so refreshing and have such an impact is that generally, we don’t talk about death anymore, whether that is before or after someone dies. Even the word death - so often people talk about ‘losing’ someone or the person ‘passing’.
I was reading this article on the Guardian website last night about death and mourning
guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jan/26/grief-death-universal
The thing that struck me was the responses to the article - lots of people talking about how difficult it is to talk about death and then some, telling their own stories of grief. I found it reassuring to read some of the comments when people spoke about remembering their loved ones after they had died. I suppose one of my personal fears is that people will forget me after I have died.
If that’s one of your fears, be assured that as well as your family and friends, there are lots of people on this site who will be thinking about you for a long, long time to come.
Wishing you spoons and snowdrops 
Laurie x
Posted twice - DOH - takes me a while to get going in the morning…
Morning Clare, please dont ‘push yourself’ to post. If it is too much, its ok to leave it a day - or post a single word so we know you are ok!!
Your posts are refreshing! To talk and think about death is something that is very negative in our society - ‘oh, dont talk like that’ heard frequently. However, i feel it is so important and i suppose we are in a ‘well placed’ situation to try nd plan a bit for after we are here! Surley no one would have chosen this path, but we try and make the ‘best’ of it and thank you for sharing your plans!
Hugs, spoons and snowdrops!!
Sadie Xx Xx
Still thinking of you
Hugs and more hugs (((Clare)))
Love from Christine xx
Hi Clare,
I have followed all your posts on here & also on the bone mets thread (I’m also a bone mets lady).
You write down your thoughts & feelings so eloquently & tackle each day with dignity. I feel truly humbled reading your posts & imagine you must be a lovely lady to know.
I fear my own death but know it’s inevitable with this awful disease, however reading your posts has helped me to see what I also will need to face & deal with one day and I thank you for that.
I hope you have a restful day today. The sun is shining & the sky is blue here in Oxfordshire today - I hope it’s the same where you are
More hugs & spoons!
Dugsy x
Hi Clare
That’s good that your nurse told you to take a break
If you don’t feel like writing, you could always just post a smillie face, either or 
to let us know how you are.
I saw a documentary last year about a young man who had terminal cancer. It followed the last year of his life and, although it was very sad, it was lovely how he managed to get married and share his time with family and friends. We tend to shun talk of death which is a shame, as it’s not the end of life, it’s just a new beginning
Spoons, love and hugs Chris xx
Thanks Alesta for that link. It really coincides with my views.
I nursed my Mum at the end of her life and was quite devestated when she died. No one in the family really spoke about the loss. Maybe because loss is so different even between siblings???
I was in my 20’s and my sister in her 40’s!
When I did eventually return to my living life as a teacher I heard one of my parents had had a stillborn child whilst I was away. I raced over the playground and just gave her a hug and she broke down and could not recover… She explained that no one, not even her Mum or partner would speak about her child. It really resonated with me and since I have always tried to remember her loneliness…
Comforting her helped me so much too.
And the mourning takes its own particular time for each and every one of us. To mourn communally would be such a tribute to our loved ones.
This discussion about the end stage of living is wholly right.
I hope that hasn’t offended anyone…
Thank you to all who have expressed their views so clearly through Clare’s original post. I think it helps all of us that these areas are explored with such beautiful insights.
Hi there, fingers back in tact lol.
You are both so right that people really don’t want to talk about death and dying, which is odd because we all have to do it at sometime or other.
My Ex is irish and with his family, if you mention the C word, they run for cover, don’t aknowledge it at all, So when I was first diagnosed they really wanted me to stop talking about it as it made them uncomfortable. Now I have really set the cat among the pigeons lol
I talk quite openly with my friends and even have some really sick jokes about my departure. I think it helps to make it more real and also lightens the load off of people trying always to say the right thing. I remember trying to think of something consoling to say for a man who I worked for when his dear wife died. In the end we hugged and he just said B**ger, B**ger, B**ger which I guessed summed it up for him :o)
I am open with the children too as its going to be horrible for them but the more i talk about things that I would like to do before I die, the more real it becomes to them and they can almost aclimatise themselves, to an extent. I am caeful what I say as to not overload them but i want to help them as much as I can to get used to the idea and able to face the future knowing that I wasn’t tormented and unable to cope with dying, just the leaving bit is hard.
What a wonderful thing you did for that lady, welsh girl. She must have wanted to talk about how beautiful her baby was and all kinds of things, that had been shut away in her lonely head. I know my friend who had a stillborn baby who still wanted to show pictures and the little footprint, as you would for a baby who had lived. Its inbuilt for us to share these things, why should they be bottled up and put away just because a few are to terrified to face them.
I am in Oxfordshire Dugsby too and its been a beautiful day today. I live near Deddington,Banbury way.
Hugs to all,
Clare xxx
Hi Clare
Hope you’ve had a good day.
You are right, death and particularly the process of dying, is a taboo subject for many.
I hope that when my time comes, if I have advance warning of it, I will be able to approach my final months/weeks/days/death with the same spirit and attitude that you are showing.
I’m lucky in that all of my family have a fairly robust attitude, and a black sense of humour. My Dad, who is as fit as a fiddle, has made sure that we all know where his will is and they all know that I want to be carbon neutral and be buried in a cardboard box under a tree somewhere!
The love spoons have all been dished out and I found this picture that I thought was really good. All the talk of snowdrops has also made me dig out my favourite silver snowdrop broach.
Hope you have a good evening and a restful night.
Love
Dx
DJ,
How bizarre - I have only said today I want a cardboard box but not to be buried (that’s just me!)
Claire,
I was 24 when we lost my Dad to cancer - what you are doing with our children is fantastic. We talked about death a lot, knew Dad’s wishes and, to be honest, had some of the funniest experiences during his last days - memories that we will always treasure as a family! It’s not easy losing so someone close but it helps ease the pain and help build your life back again!
Love to you and your family
Axx
Clare, you saying about your boss’s wife reminds me of the very best thing a (male) friend did when I told him about my DX. He simply said “Oh, B**ger” and gave me a huge hug. No sympathy or platitudes - it was perfect!
Sending spoons and snowdrops your way,
Jane xxx