Hi,
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss and cancer diagnosis. This happened to me too. It’s hard enough to process either of these things by themselves, without this double whammy!
I had ER/PR positive, invasive ductal cancer diagnosed 4 months after my husband had died unexpectedly. I was very shocked, believing as you do, that this was something that happened to other people and at the same time not knowing how I would cope without my husband’s care and support.
I think the way I dealt with it was to just get carried away on the tide of appointments and treatments. I think the waiting was the hardest time because I just wanted everything over and done with.
I didn’t need chemo thankfully, so after my lumpectomy I was started on Anastrozole because I’m post menopausal. About six or seven weeks after that I had 5 sessions of radiotherapy. I saw the oncologist who was really lovely and explained that I had a choice as to whether I had the whole breast treated or just the area where the lump had been. We discussed this in relation to the hormone treatment and how affected I had been by the menopause.
I felt very vulnerable and ‘weepy around the time I was due for radiotherapy and the doctor said, and this applies to you too, that I’d been through two massive events in a short space of time and of course I would be feeling this sorrow, emptiness, and as you were saying, ‘not having a reason to go on’. He gave me anti depressants which I didn’t want, but after a couple of weeks they did help and I felt I could cope again. So if this is you, maybe you could talk to your doctor if you haven’t already.
I felt nervous prior to the radiotherapy sessions, but they were painless and didn’t last long.
Im very lucky to have a daughter who was very strong, to say she had lost her dad and then been told that her mum had cancer. I think I leaned on her a lot and she helped me through it.
I hope you have somebody you can lean on and help support you through this.
I looked for help and support wherever I could. There’s a local cancer support centre near to me which I went to for gentle yoga and meditation sessions. I went online and asked for some counselling sessions, I got 6 weeks free through McMillan and just being able to talk face to face (zoom) with someone was so valuable for me. It’s so difficult to face cancer without that person who’s been so important in your life, so reaching out to other’s did help me to cope with the worst days. There were times when I phoned bereavement and cancer helplines and just cried down the phone for the entire time I was on.
These are the things that have helped me get through my journey so far and it’s been just under a year so far. Get all the help you can with this, through cancer and bereavement agencies; be very gentle on yourself and understand you are going through a grieving process as well as cancer treatment and it’s difficult to process both at the same time; rest whenever you need to; remember it is normal to feel like this, I know it doesn’t change things but it’s normal and reach out whenever you need to…this is not ‘moaning’.
I hope this has helped a bit. Good luck with your ongoing journey and it is a journey, with ups and downs. Some days you will feel like you can face the world and other days you’ll feel so far down you won’t know how to get out of bed. You will get through this.
Please feel free to contact me if you think it will help.
Love and hugs 
xxx
. Life is so bloody unfair, and hard, sometimes. I know that’s just how it is, it it’s easier to say that when we aren’t the ones on the receiving end!
had to cancel the trip as although i wasnt in pain it was a little uncomfortable if i wasnt sat with it supported on a cushion and i had to see the breast clinic for them to check it. I think its felt a big blow really as id been feeling pretty normal again for a few days and kind of put the cancer to the back of my mind temporarily.