This is exactly how I feel. Sending much love xxx
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Yep I do worry about other peopleās expectations but also about my own! Iām my own worst enemy at times as I like to be busy Iām trying so hard to look after myself and keep reminding myself itās going to take time to get back to being wonder woman!!!
I so want her back but am frightened sheās gone for good!
I want to start living again and do all the things Iāve been putting off!
However I look terrible and feel 20 years older than I did before ā¦ā¦
we just need to walk before we run and make sure others accept our pace. They need to dance to our tune and not the other way round ā¦. Slow dancing for now xx
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Good luck next week. My CT for radiotherapy is 7th. Im also hoping to start radiotherapy soon after. I think how we all seem to be feeling has to be normal otherwise we all wouldnāt be feeling this way. Our lives for a long time have been appointments and treatments. So i think in time we will all find a new normal. But time is what we have to give ourselves. Night xxxx
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Hope everyones doing ok. I had the results from the genetics panel which were negative. I had beens worried mainly for my daughters, one already has multiple health issues to contend with. I know if it had been positive we would of found a way through but I feel so much lighter 
Have been told they can have mamograms from 40.
Other news I met with surgeon & will be having lumpcectomy & partial node clearance in second week of January. The day before I need to go in to be injected with blue dye 
My last chemo will be just before Christmas 
and daughters birthday. Have promised myself not to get stressed.
Wishing everyone well there is a lot to navigate in getting back to health & we need to be kind to ourselves xx 
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Great news re the gene test
Itās a sigh of relief !
Never knew partial node clearances were possible. Or is this where dye goes down to & that will be taken out.
It will be a blessing to have a break from treatment during Xmas.
I actually made my Xmas cake today to āfeedā btw now & the festivities.
My heart is not quite there but the smell was divine and made me look forward to cosy nights and the like.
Think I felt happy for once. 
Just off to be radiated but hope all are doing well this week
X
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Christmas cake! Well done x love the smell
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Think we are all feeling this
I think if one more friend says to me āhey youāre almost done & you can put this behind youā
I may scream !
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Hi Julyers
Iāve been reading and agreeing with all your posts. Itās interesting also how much our time lines differ, i suppose depending on type and grade of cancer.
Amazing that @alisona1 you will be finished by xmas!! Congratulations!
And all the radiotherapy coming upā¦i dont know yet if Iām having it but i hope it goes well @debi1 and @fluffy2.
Iām hoping ive got the names rightā¦
Iām in the same plan as @booklover1 and also had a pre-surgery app for a single mascetomy and node clearnace. Im going to get the whole lot out- i donāt trust my body in the way i used to. Good luck with the rest of your chemo! I finish end of Nov- i think just before you.
Im so glad Xmas is around the corner. I love the idea of making a cake and the smells!
My sister asked if my nephew who is depressed could come and stay. I originally said oh dear no the bathroom isnt finished (true) and the guest room is full of boxes.
.then i thought, no. Iāve got cancer. And said it would be too difficult and could she think twice before asking for favours again.
It felt necessaryā¦ Xx
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Just had a phone call about radiotherapy. I was originally told only 5 sessions but itās 10 sessions because Iām young. 5 sessions on the whole breast and then 5 boosters to the surgical bed. I had 2 areas removed from my breast though so I can only have the booster sessions if she can identify and separate them. Iāve got my CT scan on Monday so hopefully things are clear and I can have the booster sessions. 
Chuck everything at it is what Iām thinking!
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Good for you for standing your ground 
it needed to be said - your sister probably canāt see the wood for the trees if her son has depression issues, good on you for the reminder to her that you have a line in the sand just now and need to put yourself well and truly first. When youāre readyā¦ā¦ā¦
This resonated with me as my ex husband has been in touch more since my diagnosis (we are still friends, but donāt speak often) - he wants to meet for a coffee and in his usual āmy way or the highwayā said that the week between my chemo finishing and my radio starting would suit him. Told him firmly it would not suit me as it was my first week to myself since July. Heās got the huff, but frankly my dear I donāt give a doodahā¦
So, hereās to lines in the sand and sticking up for our needs going forward 
[cheers]. Havenāt been a āso strong, brave warriorā 
all these months to being a doormat and a people pleaser again at the expense of me. Those days are overā¦ā¦
P.S. Iām almost wishing some family/friends I donāt like will come callingā¦ā¦ Iāve got my speech ready 
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Hi everyone. Just checking in with you lovely ladies. Hope youāre all ok. Nothing much happening here. Enjoyed half term with my boys ones 15 and too old for trick or treating. And my oldest 26 and only goes to school because he works there lol. Just want to wish everyone a happy weekend. Good luck with all the appointments and treatments next week. Take care. Debbie. X
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Really glad you posted about your Xmas cakeā¦ā¦made mine this morning to feed til Xmas. Thank you 
, Iād forgotten this year.
Felt a nice and normal thing to do! 
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@pipspops
Well done , you! Thatās a week you need to have fun coffee time!
Your post made me feel better. I feel a little bit guilty but Iāve got to stop people pleasing xx
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Thanks sweetieā¦ā¦ donāt feel bad, think that youāre better serving your nephew when you can give him 100% attention - right now YOU need attention and absolutely deserve it. When youāre full to the top of energy and head in the right place, youāll have so much to give him and your sister. It just needed saying out loud.
I would sit and watch paint dry than give in on my āfree weekā
Take care x
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Hi
Well done with @pipspops for keeping that line in the sand. Defintely need that week you are feeling ok to do what is best for you! I have had relatives to stay in similar circumstances @cf640 and its hard work at the best of times however much you care for them, let alone when you are in the middle of cancer treatment. You need to recover yourself firstx
@fluffy888 and @debi1 hope the CT scan goes well and good luck for starting radiotherapy.
@idcand49 you have inspired me to get the ingredients for Christmas cake. Planning on making it tomorrow before my next EC on Tuesday 
Hope everyones having a good weekendx
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Thanks @booklover1 Hope youāre ok on Tuesday. All this talk of xmas cake. I can almost smell it 
Xxxx
Wide awake at stupid oā clock after my 8 steroids today! I get my last chemo at 9.30am this morning, hoping to get some sleep before alarm goes off but also feeling the urge to go downstairs and make some scrambled egg! The steroids make me so hungry.
By lunchtime I should be finished my last chemo, last cold cap and PICC line should hopefully be removed too.
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Yay! Thatās a good day to have, hope it all goes very well for you 
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for the last chemo, cold cap & PICC removal!
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Happy Monday all
Just catching up!
@pipspops good for you to pause and not say yes to something that is better for someone else. I know what you mean by times are changing. There is nothing like a diagnosis to make us reflect.
@cf640 and also for you to drawing a line too. You must be someone in your family people feel safe with but defo think now is not that time. There is so much strength in saying no and Iām only learning this myself
@debi1 half term was ok. The daily grind to radio hit me so really only had one day out which cost a fortune in clothes shopping & food lol. Did your 15 yr old revise? I had to nag mine as mocks are next month. God knows Iām hating the sound of my own voice
@angieb1 hooray re the last chemo. 
@booklover1 hope it was a restful weekend before your next EC tomorrow - how are you feeling ? I used to get super anxious before each cycle (not sure why as the treatment itself was long but not painful or anything )
I have one more day off work and get to;
Chat to onco at 10
Tube it to radio for 11:30
Tube to my main hospital for 1:30 Zoladex number 2 
Iām going to nap before dinner (which havenāt a clue what Iām making but donāt care)
Iām hitting a fatigue wall for sure. Iāve asked my BCN what I can take supplements wise and even after nudging still no answer from pharma onco (who BCN asks) after 6 weeks
Has anyone been told they are allowed anything ?
Also have no bottom eyelashes and have about 4 on my top right eye left and 2 on my top left eye. Thank god I wear glasses so you canāt really tell. And my hair is still shedding ā¦ not as mad as during chemo but sizeable amounts. Iām throwing caution to the wind and getting a semi perm colour on greys in a couple of weeks then a short bob cut week after to make it look thicker
Iām done with thin hair (silk scrunchies keep falling off itās so thin 
)
I have to start the hormone blocker soon on top of my forced meno so goodness knows what hair havoc that will cause
Right best get ready for this call
Wish me luck as post chemo not sure this male onco is very good
X
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