Hi, pod123. Thanks for the congrats. It was a close call to finish by Christmas. I lost 3 days at Thanksgiving, a couple of days when the machine wasn’t working, a couple of delays on days that I had to make it in time for work. Whew! And now I’ll never forget those words: “Take a deep breath in. Hold it…” If I knew how to do cross stitch I’d make myself a sampler to hang on the wall. Best of luck with your treatment. The last day will be here before you know it. Take good care.
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Hey, naughty_boob. Would you believe that I never even noticed the reindeer on the machine until my tech took that picture? I was always looking down when I walked in!
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I love the picture!!!
Let’s think of work as temporary until we win the lottery, escape, and live the life we deserve. I find some of the questions people ask about cancer, especially breast cancer, which is primarily a female disease, to be very intrusive, often centring around breasts and things like that. As a dedicated prankster, I have an arsenal of replies ready for the unwelcome curiosity of some, which I hope will keep them far away from anything related to my cancer and my breastless. chest
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Hi pod123
This week has been better, thank you for asking. The only problem is that I get exhausted, and I’ll have to return to full-time work shortly after Christmas – which, by the way, is my birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
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I think we could make a list of “unwelcome questions” and possible hilarious replies. Perhaps we could compile them into a book and publish it. I’m sure it will become a best-seller! who knows, a sort of the ultimate guide to navigating awkward conversations
Just an idea
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Oh @happynipple you’ll have to share some of them with me. I end just spilling the beans and I don’t really want to.
Hy naughty,
These are all about the mastectomy questionnaire:
Did you have a mastectomy?
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And you? Did you have a lobotomy?"
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No, I have donated my breast to the Udder Milk Confederation in exchange for faster, free Wi-Fi."
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Well, I am awaiting a revolutionary new transplant treatment made from Atlantis free-range wild boar.
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Nope, this is my new minimalist look. By the way, perhaps you should consider updating yours!
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Let’s trade medical history questions! you go first: How is your vasectomy going on? do you still have pain in your scrotum?
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Love it
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Hi @happynipple
I’m feeling for you, I’m in a similar position although I haven’t yet gone back to work… it will have been a year in March since I went on sick so I’m on half pay but will soon be on nil pay, so I know I have to do something but I really can’t face people at work again. My manager has kept in touch, but I can’t face the workload, the pressure, the people but like you I need to be able to pay my mortgage. The other problem I have is through going on hormone therapy my mind doesn’t work the same and I feel that is a massive problem! But most of all like you I just find it all so pointless by comparison to everything going on. I am seeing a therapist and on antidepressants too, but I really struggle.
I don’t know what the answer is I am going to try for ill health retirement and look for a part time job that doesn’t require all my time and all my energy- which I truly believe was part of the reason for my breast cancer. Take care @happynipple
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@doodles1 welcome to the forum.
I stopped work in May 2023 as I worked in education and it was the worst place to be when I was immune suppressed for over a year. I eventually took redundancy on August and taking the year back, doing what I want when I want. The redundancy payment was helpful.
When my statutory sick pay finished at about 6 months when I went onto half pay, my employer sent me a SSP1 and advised me to send it to the DWP for Employment and Support Allowance (ESA). You just need to supple your Not Fit for Work note. This is means tested so there is a contribution based or income based payment depending on your situation. I had also applied for Personal Independence Payment (PIP) when I started chemotherapy, this is not means tested. You can get help with benefits you may be entitled to fromMacMillan , Maggie’s or Citizens Advice.
Like you the hormone suppressant medication has impacted my life in many ways and I couldn’t stand in front of a class of 30 children and given them the education they would need. I can stand for several minutes trying to think of a word and it just doesn’t come! Not to mention hot flushes, terrible sleep, anxiety, joint and muscle pain.
You have to do what is right for you and if going back to work isn’t right then see what benefits you are entitled to and it will help with your decision.
I wish you a Merry Christmas whatever you are doing.
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When I returned to work after chemotherapy and radiotherapy I had a visit from my manager and HR, who suggested I wear a wig. I said I wasn’t going to wear a wig because they’re too itchy. The HR person said, “There are some good short styles available.” If that’s not trying to hide or censor cancer, I don’t know what is.
I also had a colleague with a terminal brain tumour who was heavily pressured to resign because our employer didn’t want to pay for her death in service, which was three times her salary and which her family needed after she passed.
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I have done a deep dive of all the available literature and having a positive attitude makes zero difference to outcomes. If having a negative attitude kiled anyone I would have been dead 15 years ago. I found it offensive that I was bombarded with exhortations to be positive by certain people, none of whom had experienced cancer treatment. We are no longer in touch and I don’t miss them.
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People feel how they feel. I tried desperately to summon positivity after treatment but it just wouldn’t appear, even with antidepressants. Being hassled to be more positive only compounded my misery. We all have to find our own equilibrium and it takes some people longer than others, including me. We shouldn’t be made to feel worse by others because we’re not ideal cancer patients. It’s a trauma to the body and mind. It’s a normal psychological response to trauma to feel low in mood. If you don’t, that’s great.
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@Mermaid72 that is horrendous behaviour by your employer, if anything they are breaching the Equality Act 2010 that you are protected by being disabled after being diagnosed with cancer. It’s a personal choice whether to wear a wig or not, if other people don’t like it, it’s on them not you.
If you had a union they would be someone to get involved as well as your colleague, if not Citizens Advice or the charity www.workingwithcancer.co.uk, your employer could do with contacting them on how to ‘manage’ staff members with cancer.
I’m sorry have had to deal with this on top of your diagnosis and treatment. I’ve had a so called friend of over 20 years who didn’t understand why 5/6 texts over 6 months (including chemotherapy) was checking on me during my diagnosis and treatment. I never saw her face to face and after counselling and calling her out on it in a very non confronting style she still said ‘she doesn’t understand what she did wrong, suggesting I didn’t want contact’ Gaslighting me!
Life, colleagues, friends and family can be complicated at the best of times let alone after a cancer diagnosis. Counselling has taught me to do what is right for me and ‘release’ those who don’t support me. Suffice to say I have no communication with that so called friend. She did profess ‘positive vibes/mentality’ during my chemotherapy. They wouldn’t have helped me, the drugs did!
I hope you have had a good Christmas Day however you have spent it. Please know the forum is her for you when you need it.
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Yes I had a male colleague with terminal cancer who had been with the Trust since it’s inception and he was also sacked - pretty poor treatment if you ask me .
And I’m so sorry that you had the experience of them wanting you to wear a wig - totally wrong and I wouldn’t have wanted to either.
I’m totally with you as regards the positive attitude / think positive thing . I was diagnosed with cancer after 3 largely miserable years : retinal vein occlusions , lockdown , lost various family and colleagues so multiple bereavements culminating in losing my Mum then about 7 months after when I felt I was just starting to pick myself up I was diagnosed with cancer . And a friend told me to think positive - I nearly bit her head off though we are still friends . I know that’s it’s important to have a positive attitude and to be grateful for what you have and if you can genuinely feel like that then great but it really annoys me when it’s forced upon you no matter the circumstances largely for the benefit of people who might be made to feel uncomfortable by a patient with cancer saying how they really feel.
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All the best for you, Doodles1!
I hope whatever choice you make really works for you and your finances!
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Mermaid72 the HE “person-animal” really sucks!
What is your company’s policy about disability, discrimination, and inclusion?
Are you part of a trade union? Have you tried contacting Acas?
If the HR individual thinks there are so many good styles available and seems so enthusiastic about wigs, perhaps they could try one made from lice-infested pubic hair.
The pressure to resign is very familiar to most cancer patients. It is truly disgusting how employers exploit employees’ vulnerability to take advantage of legislation, pushing them into capability procedures, redeployments with competitive interviews, and other such strategies.
Who do they think they are working with? We are people, not machines! People get sick, and when that happens, they need genuine support—not exploitation. Employers should uphold the spirit of legislation designed to protect employees, especially during times of illness or vulnerability, rather than finding loopholes to disregard their responsibilities. It’s not just about legal compliance; it’s about treating people with humanity and respect. As human beings the wall of “healthy -normality” is a frontier we always crossed sooner or later.
All my love compañera!
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By the way, Mermaid72, I am not an advocate of “positive brainwashing.” Of course, attitudes, mood, or whatever we want to call it have no impact on diagnoses or outcomes! There is no research supporting that assertion because it is just ideology, not science.
“A person who complains about any aspect of breast cancer treatment in public is often drowned out by a chorus of people, many of whom have never had cancer, accusing her of ingratitude, saying she is lucky, warning her that her bad attitude may kill her, reminding her she could be dead"
“No one tells diabetics to be brave, to fight, to show their courage through pink ribbon campaigns or to raise awareness by running marathons in outfits that celebrate their illness. No one asks those with heart disease to pose for sexy pictures to raise money for their own survival.”
Anne Boyer “The Undying”
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gentle reminder to all please remain respectful of each others feelings and thoughts of how everyone feels, sees and finds their way through treatments thank you 
Shi xx
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Thanks @happynipple for quoting the book, I have to read that one!
This thread is definitely refreshing in it’s honesty. I have been so annoyed by friends who told me to ‘think positive’ when I wanted to complain about what I was going through. Like I wasn’t allowed to express anything other than gratitude and positivity whilst going through very tough invasive medical procedures. Then the other friend who told me I needed to “be grateful I was alive” just after I’d had a mastectomy and reconstruction.
The politics around being treated for breast cancer, and societal expectations about the way we ‘should’ behave, think and feel are a real additional burden on top of the illness and treatments themselves.
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