Lily, you haven’t told us what you were making, was it something edible?
We haven’t heard from Delly, I hope everything went well yesterday, maybe it’s not something she wants to talk about yet.
I’m so glad we have each.other on this up and down experience…
Thank you for all the pics, songs, Advent Pics, trees, gorgeous pets and most of all just being here and understanding xxxxxx
Good evening all you scrumptiosly lovelies,
Please forgive me, I haven’t yet caught up with yers all, but did see a hint of someone mentioning a Delly song?? What’s goin on there then?? So went and checked it out first before catching up. Result - I’m all teary, choked up n having difficulty squeaking (no, not a typo). Thank you SweetSue, for one of the best Xmas pressies anyone’s ever given me. Absobloominlutely knocked over, blown away with everyone’s love and caring support. Jeez, am I soooo thankful I’ve got you lot there right now.
I’ve given SweetCharys a very brief rundown on the events. So I’ll reiterate them to you.
Basically I BLEW IT !!! Total disaster. No, I wasn’t aggressive or nasty - nothing like that. Just incomprehensibly erratic in my conversation, attention, and general person to someone who doesn’t know me and the depth of what’s goin on and has been going on at length with me.
Spent all of last night (I did actually get some sleep in tho’) and all of today, re-examining the whole thing.Told Charys, the only GOOD thing that’s come out of this, is that it’s made me realise just how ill I actually am, and that I desperately need to seek and get some help, or just carry on allowing myself to go more and more under, totally give up and end myself basically. Aunty Charys has given me a strict telling off that that just is NOT an option.
Need to drag myself to the Docs surgery TOMORROW, see if there’s one who specialises in mental health or not, and just get some kind of ball rolling. Hopefully ASAP. In the meantime, I’m gonna have to lean on and use of of you’s as my therapists (as you already have been doing). Sorry to have to put that on you, but you all and this thread do and have provided me with such succour and solace. Hope you all realise that - totally abfab lot really.
Dizzy touched on this after her recent “meltdown” - it’s very easy to hide behing a laughy jokey exterior, and yes, it helps and can lift you (me) and your (my) mood slightly, and be very deluding. BUT, when you’re in such a desperate place, it’s not getting to or sorting the nitty gritty. It’s just papering it over. Thanks for that DarlinDizzy btw, reeeally hit me on the head, but still not enough !!! Took the events of last night and losing a potentially important, ideal, possibly life changing opportunity to do that. Anyway, I must not beat myself up or torment myself with it. Just J.F.D.I. - that’s Just Ffffflippin Do It, exchanging the ‘F’ word with a less pleasant one !
I despair of myself, and for myself because I know only too well, better than anyone, what an enormous, huge capacity I have to love, give, support, and what I’m also capable of in the practical work/biz sense. Saddens me. I grieve for what and how I “used” to be, instead of this smashed up sorry state of a person I’ve become the last 10 yrs or so.
Anyway, me ol’ fruits, that’s just a brief update. You’re probably all as shocked and sorry as I am. I’m not doing anything else tonight 'cept catch up on all your goss.
Bye for now sweet people.
Dellydowndown xxxxxxxx
Taaa for the stick Charys - need to move you all in with me, so we can all help sort, bolster, walnut whip each other. Btw, I got “that” lead ref all the mention of excess hair. Was why I then extended my services to include such in the new and improved “Delly’s Denture and Depilatory Emporium”!! xxx
Ooooo Charys. Me thinks praps you just envious really. Did try you with a proposal long ago. So don’t start giving me trouble now x
I’m here hellooooo! Delly you lovely woman I shall one day share my horrific online date disasters here. However, please do go see that GP of yours tomorrow. Be as honest as you’ve been with us and get yourself referred for an assessment. You’ve had a bucketful of the proverbial in the last few years and we probably don’t know the half of it. Needless to say we are rooting for you you wonderful woman and you deserve your shot at some support. Here whenever you need us, as you’ve been and continue to be for us. Big hugs xx
My darling Delly,
It’s really hard to admit you need a bit more support and even harder to actually make that call and let somebody in but we’ll all definitely be here for you whenever you need us.
There is someone out there just for you who will love you just the way you are. <3 xx. Xxxxxxxx.
Sending you massive hugs and lots of love
Clair xxx
Lol Delly I’ve no.idea how the cake managed to look as good as it does I had some help from my daughter so she needs the most credit 
Of course you can have a slice and a drink of your choice to go with it xx
Mind you I think you might need some dental work after eating it!!
Xxxx
Oooooo 'eck, you all set me off again. Phew - shucks girls, taaa ever so muchly.
Hav just had bacon butty therapy.
Helens Heavenly Horticulture ?? That do ya Helen?? You could join with Lesleys Luscious Landscapes and JuicyJaney’s “More of the Muck, the Merrier” manure, compost and gossip spreading business. xxx
Delly, you’re the bravest person I know. Going and asking for help is damn near impossible when all your effort is going into holding yourself together, and you know that as soon as you admit how bad things are those last defences will collapse and you’re going to fall apart.
But until you get to that point, you aren’t going to get better, you think you’re hanging on but slowly things get worse.
So listen to us, there are some very special people here ( I don’t know how I managed to find a whole team of wonderful women, Charys, it must be your doing.) But there is a whole crew of us all holding your hand and willing you on. You can do this, and we’ll be there all the way.
Hey BakewellBeth, BuxomBoobs - Ref th glitter on ironing board - try one of those sticky rollers. I have shares in them from when I had the cat. EVERYthing used to get covered in very fine white cat hairs.Just keep peeling off a section (no not the bra like someone I know !!) when it gets overloaded and loses it’s sticky. See below ref your sore, burnt skin. Giggled at the “Gloria” in excelsis, perhaps that could have been “exercises”.
CorrClair (as in Corr, lookin fab Clair) - Great you’ve had your “phasing in” work plan sorted. Bet you glad that’s been sorted.
LusciousLesley - I DID wash behind my ears, but even that didn’t make any difference. Think I should have stuck a few needles in them as well.
DizzyDarlin - so glad you’ve finally taken a decision ref Tamoxifen, whether it will or doesn’t suit, at least you’ve moved on a bit with it. following all the vagaries. .
LustyLily - Hope you keep feeling better and keep taking a daily dose of the “Fluffies” on here, plus adding your wicked wit.
JuicyJaney - thanks for the big piccie of you, and the amusing caption. Me thinks that’s an extra large G n T in the cardboard cup you have in your hand. Crafty disguising it like that. No wonder your eyes have gone all blurry again - sorry, I am sympathetic to your eye prob coming back really.
LadyHelena - B**chams Hot Lems the best (I have shares in those as well. Not L*emsips tho. (not the same ingredients) 3xday with extra added lemon and spoon of honey. Add a dash of whiskey to your pre bedtime one. zzzz Contain an ingredient to stop the running and congestion so you’re not suddenly woken up by not being able to breath. Often get rid of my colds in 3 or 4 days. Mind you, like the Aluminium pans, they may been the cause of my looniness.:smileyfrustrated:
'Ey up - LadyHelenaBowler and Beth have got their pics up too - both also looking fab. Ref your sore skin, I’m glad someone else mentioned Aloe gel, was going to myself as your skin is burned. Also Lavendar Gel is equally as good. You can only get it at the bigger Boots though. Need to put on a few times a day, at least 3. They help cool everything down, are both healing and also natural antiseptics.
Sorted my will out after my Mum died. Being an orphan, didn’t want it automatically passing to the “Dregs”, meaning those family members that have given me so much nasty grief. Left it all to my cousin - one of the only two people who didn’t give me cr*p, that I still consider as family. Lives away most of the year sadly, so don’t get to see him very often. Incidentally, when my brother died shortly following, the solicitors who were the executors of my Mums will,which was still being executed until her house was sold, automatically presumed they would also be dealing with my brothers affairs. Told 'em I’d be doing his myself thanks (cost a fortune in their fees to execute Mums), and settled up their bill so far, then removed them from any of the dealings left, as I was then the sole beneficiary. Went to the CAB who they gave me a sheaf of helpful printed information, telling you how to do everything, so costing zilch. Just a bit of effort.
I keep hearing “Roaring”. Where’s that coming from? Deffo going bonkers.
Am not going to try the roaring at the moment. But I am going to try using Sue’s song as a Mantra, whenever I feel my mood sliding. Singing’s supposed to be better than talking to myself.
Phew, that was close. Just nearly lost this post, but managed to retrieve it.
Off to bed.
Loadsa love and loadsa “Thank You’s” again.
DellyNotQuiteSoDown at the mo, xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Will check to see how I am in the morning.
Morning lovelies, just popping in to check on you All especially Darling Delly and lovely Lily. Have a good day and be kind to.yourselves lots of love Clair xxxx
Hey Helena…all good here …not had time to catch up on posts as just got back ftom an interview. X
Oooo I forgot this…
14th December isn’t it…and I’m now having to reach out beyond my little ipad images and find new things.
Afternoon friends!
how are we on this gloriously sunny day? Although it is dark now!
dearest Delly, I am sorry how things worked out the other evening. It is still a milestone nonetheless and takes immense strength and guts to meet new people when you have been through every thing you have. It’s hard enough when we’re all fit and healthy, let alone just now.
Please please don’t suffer and get help from your GP. The toll this takes mentally is huge and I think it is often neglected. I’ve seen a counsellor 4 times now, and will continue to see her moving forward. I really don’t think I’d be as ‘good’ as I am now without her. Please please also lean on us here, we are all in this together and will,support you every step of this journey. Sending a huge Bakewell Beth hug xxxxxxxx
booster 2 done. Ouch. My node scar has started really hurting today which is ironic as its not being zapped now. I’m a lovely shade of bright pink which is noticeable if I wear a v neck or scooped neck top. Deep joy! I’m also convinced that rads is giving me a little cough and permanent indigestion. ?
sorted out the power of attorney today so feel like we’ve had an afternoon of morbid conversations but very worth while, if rather expensive. So important.
Spoke to to my mum this afternoon too. She had the results today from her scan last week and the news isn’t great. The 5 rounds of chemo she’s had has made no difference to the lymphoma at all. Some of her nodes are bigger and her liver and kidneys are enlarged. Because she was so poorly earlier in the year when first chemo wiped her out - developed pneumonia and then caught swine flu in hospital & she spent a month in ICU in a coma and on a ventilator - anyway, as a result she’s not been well enough to have the strength of chemo she should be having, only having 70% each time and clearly it’s not enough to beat her cancer. She’s been referred now for a magic eye down her windpipe as she’s never really cleared her chest infection so they’ve withdrawn the prospect of more chemo for now while they try to sort out her chest again. She had a four month delay earlier in the year too. She’s very upset as you can imagine but we’ve known all along that her type of lymphoma - angioimmunoblastic Tcell - is difficult to treat without all her added complications. So I guess I’ll have plenty to chat through with my counsellor next week again. I’m sad to say it, but I don’t think she’ll be here this time next year. She’s skin and bone now but we must stay positive and hope that they can find the combination that works for her. ?
What a f*****g s**t year.
I am going to take my lovely radiographer (Sean) at his word and take on some more calories to combat fatigue this evening! I have bought a lemon drizzle cake and a bag of giant Cadbury buttons so if that doesn’t cheer me up nothing will!!
sending love and hugs to you all
bethxxxx
Beth, I’m sorry that your mum’s news isn’t better. It’s such a shame she’s been through five rounds of chemo but not got the benefit from it. As you say, it’s been a grim year. It doesn’t sound as if your mother lives near you, how far do you have to travel to see her?
Three left to go of those damn boosters, you’re so nearly done now.
Charys, I love the picture, have I been missing more like that?
Beth you’ve nailed it about 2016. It really is the year that keeps on giving s***! I’m glad you’re getting good counselling and I’m gladder still your boosters are nearly done. I hope they can get your Mum into better health for her battle. I hope you stuff every last chocolate Vicar of Dibley style tonight!
A friend keeps sending me the end of the programme jokes, which I love, to cheer me up. Xx
Janey, love the tree, and love your high ceilings, my angel is just scraping her curls on the ceiling, I sort of wince when I look.
Beth, I thought she must live at a distance because she was posting things to you. But if she lives close it will be easier once you’re no longer contaminated by hospital germs. Which is really soon now, you’re so nearly finished.
I have mixed feelings about what to expect of myself next year. Last year I made a resolution that I was going to lose weight and get fit. So for the first six months I was on a diet and exercise regime, I lost more than two stone ( much needed, trust me!) and was walking ten thousand steps a day ( and I had a very happy dog…)
And then fate intervened. And now I take two drugs where one of the listed side effects is weight gain, one of them says increased appetite and weight gain. And although I’ve only put two or three pounds on, there is a whole lot of Christmas still to come.
So I catch myself thinking that it’ll be next year’s resolution to do the diet and exercise thing so I’m not beaten by having breast cancer. Like the holiday we had to cancel, I’m going to book the same one for the same week. One last operation before that though.
But I wonder if the spirit will be willing and the flesh a bit weak in January?
Anyone else starting to think about new year’s resolutions?
Janey
What a beautiful tree xx
Charys
Oh an interview hope it went well and if it didn’t it’s experience.
I love robins and have a pair that visit my garden often xx
Beth
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum I really hope that things start improving for her soon and she can continue the fight <3. X
After being through a couple of tough years already for various reasons, I remember at the beginning of this year I thought this will be a good year!!!
What a shock I had, its been awful in so many ways. My friend was diagnosed earlier this year with Bc, My best friend suddenly lost her sister a few weeks ago from a heart attack and someone my OH knew at school passed away last week she was only 47 and left 2 young sons. I for one can’t wait to start a new year .
Helena
I’m glad the lion’s breath is working I know it sounded weird and is even weirder to do but it does work. I’m doing ok today is busy as it’s my son’s 26 th birthday and we’ve spent the day celebrating with the family xx
Lovely lily
I’m always thinking of you all.Someone said to me that friends will be around a lot in the beginning but will dwindle off as time goes by especially when the treatment is finished and they were so right. It’s not because they don’t care far from it it’s just time moves on and takes them with it… So I promised myself that I’d always be around to support my friends when.they need it xxxxx xxx
Darling Delly
Thank you for the compliments on my pic, It was taken in the summer and I look a bit worse for wear at the moment though.
I hope you took the plunge and rang the drs today <3. If not don’t worry there’s always tomorrow. Remember our hands are here for you to hold all the way xxxxxx
Lots of love to you all xxxx
Dizzy I’m with you always on weight and fitness. Bizarrely side effect of the acupuncture has been a lack of obsessing about food - 51 and I’ve found the cure!!
Thanks Helena. We are very glad of our high ceilings. I’m the shorty at 5’10" on my long leg but the tallest is 6’7"!!
Clair your year is sounding a bit like mine. 2017 will be ours! Maybe our work pact will need to extend to having a good year too! Xx