Hi “Grills”, just caught up with yers.
Lesley - Your dancing to Caribbean (that the right spelling?) steel drums - very entertaining dear. Glad you enjoyed your night. Was it a girlie only one? Did you get the hang of, when you want to refer back to other posts whilst you’re replying. Forgot to say you have to click the “reply” button first and then, before you type your reply, scroll down to the bottom of the response box, click on the purple “view discussion in a pop up”, which then opens an extra tab at the top of the screen, which if you then click on, takes you back to all the posts, and you can then keep clicking between the two whilst you type your message to refer to what was said. Got all that??
With ref to suicide - Oh Lesley, I’m soooo sorry about your sister, and your friend. Yeh, it immediately left me with massive guilt feelings - “Had I known just how bad a state he was in, I’d have jumped in the car down to Devon, whatever time of night/morning”. I managed to turn it around after 2 wks, by thinking “Even if I had, it may not have made any difference anyway. But” . . . .your left with buts and if onlys. He’d been mentally ill for a prolonged time. His death was only two yrs after my Mums. I really do feel that that, combined with my BC, has left me Bi-Polar. It’s like Post Traumatic Stress syndrome, all of that kind of thing. I’m either “hyper” up for brief periods or “hypo” down for prolonged.
Didn’t help either, that my cousin blamed me for what he’d done. Talk about kicking me in the teeth whilst I’m down. She didn’t even know him very well, having always lived in the North and him in the S, hadn’t had much to do with him for 40+ yrs. He was very difficult to deal and cope with when dealing with my parents estate, due to his chronic mental state. Not once did I receive an apology from her, just made it all that much more awful to cope with the grief. I no longer have anything to do with her or the other ignorantly judgemental dregs of my family. Wrong and sad innit - when you need as much support as you can get at such times.
No wonder I get and feel so screwy at times. BUT - god, am I so glad my Mum WASn’t alive to have had it to suffer.
Lesley - I’ve been sitting in a dishevelled house and boxes for 3 yrs now, ever since I moved here. What’s the OPPOSITE of OCD called!! - other than laziness. Something like Chronic Depressive Dirt Syndrome in my case ! I’ll have to have a serious think on in your case.
I need to get myself back on high dose Evening Primrose again, see if it was that that helped with my hot flushes and raising my mental state.
You’re a giggle Janey, so glad you found a good 'en to have by your side, “when you weren’t looking” too. Brill!! So sorry about your best friend and Uncle. I’m really, really interested to know whether acupuncture helps with your hot flushes etc. It’d had been something else I’d thought about training in, cos I get a kick, satisfaction from and out of helping people. Not so sure if my hands would cope now, as I don’t know how much worse they’ll get. My house would be ideal to use the front room for something alternative therapy wise. Had thoughts to set up a massage therapy practice when I first moved here, having been trained in an earlier career in Swedish massage, but again hands started to be a prob - talk about stymied every which way.I might be better of, instead of kneading flesh, sticking needles into it!!
Ruby - hope you enjoyed your musical tonight. So sorry about your Nephew. Yeh, I read a posting on a thread somewhere with ref to what you mentioned, about the young guy on a bridge and “A helper”. I had often been at the same depths before my bruvs “happening”, and since. I can relate to what you’re mentioning. People often retort backthat it’s a cowardly thing to do, but I know, it isn’t. Takes huge massive guts to. What you said made a loada sense to me. I go out of communincation with everyone.
Sorry - I’ve brought a very serious topic into our otherwise light hearted thread. Suicide is on the increase.But maybe we CAN discuss it more easily, not just because surprisingly many of us have already been directly touched by it through people we know, but also because our BC experience frightens us and makes us question life and it’s importances more so, do you think??
Lotsa love Dellywelly xxxx
xx