Standing outside the dark, dark woods.

Hi All,
Glad first tax went ok Sophie. I will be hoping that the side effects, when they do kick in, will be as gentle as possible.
I’m feeling ever so slightly euphoric now my chemo is over and my picc line found its way into the sharps bin.
Face is fully in traffic light mode and I’m famished. I did enjoy a star bar with my tax- hadn’t had one of those for a long, long time. Will be champers all round when I’m over this one… for now I’ll settle for a ginger beer in a quiet corner of the JM followed by a comfy duvet and pjs.
Sue

Hiya All,
Sophie - Here’s hoping Tax truck misses you totally when it reverses and put a beer on my tab.

Margaret - Thanks for the reminder that Cointreau is one of my five a day I’ll join you in one too, does mixed with cloudy lemonade make it a 2?! (pleeease)

CM - I’ve sent the Romseyparkingticket gremlin to the guy who was supposed to sort out OH’s new op date, and you both a jar of LP!

Had the good news not stuck in main office but at school site for work next week so happy bunny!

AND having girly evening with DD, as DS away; so flying visit to wish all smallest, preferably none, SE’s from treatment.

xxHelenxx

Next round’s on me, ladies, I’m off to bed , hoping steroids will let me sleep.

Cheryl

Night Cheryl, sweet dreams.

Phew that line dancing has worn me out. Surely a gin and tonic would be good for me (with slice of lemon to add to my juniper or whatever it is, or maybe gin and lime? Prize offered in JM for anyone who can get all 5 of 5 a day into their next drink! x

Sounds like most of us back on form! Bill’s away to fix Cointreau and lemonade, with a dash of lime garnished with a slice of orange and a cherry!Is that five?
Wow the JM’s jumping tonight!Don’t think we’ll need the flamethrowers the Gremlins will be too scared to come near!
I’m sure I saw an angel as well as some of our friendly fairies either that or I’d better stop drinking!
X X X Margaret

Margaret that definitely wins the healthiest BA of the night award! All angels of the guardian variety are welcome, they can patrol with the fairies to make sure there are no gremlins in the wood x

Well, what an odd event. There we were - me, OH and dog, sat in pub supping pints, when all of a sudden there was this lady fussing the dog - it only turned out to be my surgeon! I have to say I was delighted to see her having a normal social life as well as what must be a very stressful day job, so that has put a smile on my face. (OH thought that the last time he saw her I was giving HER a hard time, but I’ve since written her a nice letter to say thank you for all her hard work, so I’m sure she’s forgiven me if I did.)

The bummer was the barman at the pub decided that it has always been company policy not to allow dogs in the bar, even though were were in the same pub two weeks ago with the same dog, and the same barstaff apart from him! Very strange. So we left my surgeon to her light refreshments (I’m sure she was glad, it must be a bit weird her seeing her ladies out in the pub!) and went somewhere else. Shame, the other place didn’t serve London Pride.

I reckon next weekend I’ll just stick to the Jingling Merkin and avoid all the extra calories as well.

Cm, OHs, dogs and especially bc surgeons who do such excellent work all more than welcome in the JM xx

Have put myself in the new, solitary confinement tent…Have been being a bit of a misery for the last few days. The thing is, it was my LAST Tax, so don’t quite know why I am being so miserable. It has not been too bad, although my stomach has been terrible with the herceptin. It’s probably because I am anticipating the surgery next month. Filling in the patient details and seeing nurses etc is bringing home the grim reality of my poor boob being whipped off! As my husband says though, it’s the boob or me, and he’d rather have me…
Right, off to crochet another merkin, or an eyebrow or two…

TSR… chemo is worse than boob loss. Honest. It’s a bad boob and it’s trying to kill you. repeat at least twenty times daily.

Boobs can be reconstructed… recon boobs may not look the most special, and there may be lack of sensation… but at least re-con boobs are not killer boobs.

This is what I told myself, and it helped. It meant losing my left breast was more relief than sadness.

Sophie xxxxxx

Am chanting 'burn the killer boob… ’ Sophie! But sometimes with less conviction than others,
Tracey

That’s fine, just keep chanting it often enough and it will start to feel like a ‘normal’ reaction to the worry of boob loss. It is tough, I know, esp. since breasts are such a major part of us looking and feeling like women - but you needn’t be lopsided forever. And at least, by removing the boob, you’re going to have a longer ‘forever’ than if it was left in place.,

I was really blase about the mx, looking back, and honestly thought I’d wake up after the op and it would all hit me… actually, all I thought was ‘oh, that’s neat’…lol… and now I have a proper prosthesis, no one would know when I’m dressed. I think I will prob. go for recon down the line, as I do like wearing vest tops in the summer… and if I lose all the weight I intend to post-treatment, it would be nice to have a body to show off!!!

Just hang on in there - you really, really have done the hardest physical part. The emotional part is no easier, but you will get through it too - you’ve already proved to yourself how strong you can be.

Sophie xxxxx

Thanks Sophie, day 6 post Tax is never a good time to dwell on these things, but that’s when the gremlins get in!

I’m lucky enough not to need Mx and although I had tried to mentally prepare myself for that happening obviously I don’t how I would really have felt in the event. I have so much admiration and respect for all of you who have had Mx,s and are still so positive and it’s only natural you are going to have wobbly times, who wouldn’t. My close friend had reconstruction and was really pleased then was in an accident soon afterwards before it was healed and had to have it removed. She’s decided to have it done again but in the meantime has been on hols, wearing bikini and you’d never know.
I know that’s not the point and it’s all to do with self image as well as other peoples.
Sending all the Ilovemyself and bringiton and Icandoanything fairies,
X X X
Margaret!
Slept all night and all day now off to get ready to go out for early dinner.

Tracey - I’m only day 2 post 1st TAX… so look out for me crawling along the forest floor and snivelling into the leaves, empty fag packets and beer cans in a few days time… you can kick me up the backside then and we’ll call it quits.

Big hugs - ‘this too shall pass’.

Sophie xxxx

Hello there, fellow campers. How’s tonight’s party? Jingling Merkin full? What’s the live entertainment this evening?

Me snorning probably. I think it’s cocoa and the duvet for me, unless it’s one of those nights when I can’t stay awake and then can’t stay asleep.

Cheryl

Hugs, hugs and more hugs Sophie!!!I’ve told my friends and family I’m in mood for hugs as well and they are complying lol!
Enjoyed my dinner with friends in new place across the road from my father’s family home where my uncle still lived until recently and in view of my brother’s home. (I live in a different town now)
Atmosphere was great, food even better and even new one of the barmen from my childhood. Had a lovely night - didn’t pull down the wig once so hopefully people didn’t notice- aye right!!!lol
Going to bed happy so you can have my share of all the good fairies tonight,
Sleep tight,
Margaret X XX

Night all xx

Thanks for the support Sophie. I have given myself a metaphorical kick up the backside. Not feeling quite as doom laden today. Hope the se’s have not kicked in too much for you yet.
How is everyone else? All has been very quiet recently from the old crowd! Tucked up with duvets like Cheryll? Or on the floor of the JM, after too much of the famous London Pride (you know who you are)??
Tracey