I’m eating salted caramel fudge, and it’s not even mine…
I don’t know whether it’s the steroids or the FEC or the massive downer that I seem to be on, but I seem to be losing all sense of restraint.
I just keep thinking that I really wish I hadn’t agreed to this. Any of this.
Maire thankyou so much for that, its cheered me up no end. Daughter just bought me in some turkish delight so lets give it a go.
Been so down since fec 2 …salted fudge might give that a go too…but do i have to eat someone else’s ?
Thank you ladies . What would we do without this forum !!! xxx
Well, I now have Silicone Cilla 2. Slightly smaller and lighter. Silicone Cilla 1, apparently, can go to Rumania for women who had to have their boobs off but don’t benefit from the NHS. I moan about the NHS - makes you think…
Cybele - now is the time to behave badly and innappropriately. I just bumped into man I used to work with at the hospital. Never liked him much. “what are you doing now?” “nothing” “nothing?” “I’ve got cancer, it keeps me busy” I left him with his jaw dislocated, and it cheered me up as I walked away. It’s the little things that get you through. The next person I met (I used to work on the site) asked what was in the large plastic bag “It’s my boob”. At least I feel like I exist again, as they are all talking about me now. Who did you steal fudge from?
TWB - not sure you got your answer - wash hair just once a week using simple products, don’t dry or use any styling products - comb gently - best cut it short so it doesn’t get tangled. My head hurt throughout to be honest. Not much you can do apart from never let the wind get to it. Sorry that’s not very cheering. It is worth it at the end when your hair grows back much quicker than those who went for bald. I have heard that wrapping it in a snood helps…
Cressida, I love you xxxx
Have been feeling so completely demented and miserable today, and you just made me laugh out loud. Thanks xx
Stole the fudge off R - it’s salted caramel, fantastically good, and I gave it to him as a present. Ah well, there’s still a bit left.
In other news, am not feeling well, my temperature has gone up to 37.5, and I think my hair is finally starting to fall out…
Oh, and it’s R’s birthday tomorrow, and mine on Thursday, so we’re gonig to be having lovely chemo birthdays.
Could I be feeling any more sorry for myself?
Oh, one thing - my sister phoned, said there’s beeen an item on Woman’s Hour about colostomy bags, and we decided that having one of those was probably worse than having to do chemo.
It’s come to a sad pass when you’re cheering yourself by thinking about how you haven’t got a colostomy bag.
I
think it might be time for me to move back from the ‘acceptance’ phase, back to denial - when I thought this was all some kind of surreal nightmare, and that i was obviously going to wake up soon. I’m sick of acceptance.
Actually what I’d really like to do right now is attack anyone who annoys me with a flamethrower… just as well I haven’t got access to one, or there might be carnage in the streets of W6.
Was just listening t o an obit of Michael Winner on Radio 4 - I’m sure he could have done a very good vigilante film about deranged chemo patients hunting down sadistic oncologists.
‘Well-tolerated, is it?? Really? Well let’s see how you tolerate THIS!!!’
We are all part of an exclusive club.
None of us want to be here.
But we are.
We are not blood brothers we are Tit Sisters.
Tit Sisters of the world unite!
x
Cress that is so funny you sometimes just feel like standing on a roof top and shouting stuff to the world they will be going home tonight and saying " you will never guess what somebody said to me today " good on ya.
x x
Great big hugs Cybele x x
Tit sisters unite!!! Like it.
Cybele - it’s s**t that you are feeling so rough…and it’s difficult to know (I shoul really given I complain about everything family and friends do or DONT say!) but IT IS making you better and you will get better and in a ‘relatively’ short space of time you will feel normal again… does that help? sorry if not! Am really trying…
If it helps I cried for most of yesterday, of which 1 hour was to the therapist that i am seeing…!
I was recovering from a trip to Leeds on Saturday in my new wig that looks like a wig and of all people to bump into …
: husband’s ex wife and step daughters who commented on 1. How well i looked (bull**t) and how good my wig was (humiliating to tell the truth…) My friend put her arm round me and said only I could be that unlucky as i cried into my soup in Harvey Nichols… that was after i tried loads of clothes on and decided that I look like a fat blob with a wig on… dont know whether to laugh or cry?!
Need to laugh…it’s good for you…think the only thing that has made me laugh in the last 4 months is Miranda!!
This sure is one hell of a rollercoaster with more downs than ups… and unless you’ve experienced it, you have no idea…
Am sending big hugs to everyone…xxxxx
cressida, I haven’t washed it for 2 weeks !! is that wrong. will that make it worse arrrrr. Will let you know what happens when I do…scared.
Thank you.
xxx
TWB - I meant don’t wash it more than once a week. Deep breaths. Hair will probably come out when you do. But you have more than you think. You won’t go instantly bald. Most likely it will get thinner. Try not to panic. xxx
Cybele - you OK? Hope you having a blog holiday for your joint birthdays, but you did say your temp was going up. Sending you healthy wishes, xxx
Cybele-hope the temp drops. Fingers crossed. Today I’m feeling better (despite new bleeding gums symptom). All I can say is when you do start to rally it can happen quickly and you suddenly feel better.
Mandy P-Totally understand about feeling blobby and wiggy. That’s how I feel. It’s going to be weird going back to work wearing the monstrous Cher-for maybe a year. Yikes.
I’m off to the garage to get a quote for repairs to the damage to my car (minor crash on Sat night). So they get the double whammy of female in wig to rip off. Might have to borrow that flame thrower!
Mandy - Boo to meeting the ex when you feel like sh*t. But well done on going to Harvey Nicks to try and get over it. I am absolutely sure you look better than her, regardless of chemo, wigs, etc.
Maire - Boo to crashed car. Now you can both have cosmetic surgery…
Check this out -
How’s everyone doing?
Happy Birthday tomorrow Cybele if I forget…keep forgettign everything!!!
Big hugs to everyone…xxx
Hi all
Happy birthday cybele - hope you feel better. Cress - loved the flame thrower. MandyP - yourbetter than the ex.
Well ive had a prettyhorrid day! It was supposed to go bloods at 8 30. Onc at 10 scan at 11.
I waited 2 and a half hours for bloods and gave up. Went to have a scan instead. (on the other tit - theres’something’ there so they did a biopsy -ouch).The saw the onc who saw my hands (bright red and shedding skin) and said he was going to reduce fridays poison by 20%. he then measured my lump and it hasnt changed size at all! He said that was not unusual and that the lump was probably changing inside. Do any of you with more experience agree withn this or was he just trying to humour me?Then i finally had my bloods done.
I got home and went for a walk. oh indignity! the wind blew my wig off!!! I had to hastitly stuff it into my hood and then continue the walk holding my hood tight! aaargh x
QD - Pants to something lurking in the other boobie, really hope it is nothing. And boo to waiting for blood test - I get a pink form and jump the queue. I love it, as everyone give me dirty looks, I am desperate for one of them to say something so I can let rip and enjoy behaving badly, as it was so much fun the other day. Seriously - ask whoever gives you the forms if you can queue jump, as the place is full of people coughing and sniffing and you should not sit there breathing. As for the wig - aaggghhhh. What a sh*t day. Not sure Turkish delight can fix that, worth a try, massive hug, xxx
Feeling much better, thanks - high temperature was false alarm , love and hugs to all xxx
‘The Northern Lights Optimal Exit Strategy’ :
today’s post on chemonights.blogspot.co.uk/
Thanks all for your lovely comments -
QD - I love your comments about the blood test…for one moment I read ‘behaving badly’ as ‘behaving baldly!’ ha!!!
It did make me laugh…
Still hope the other boob is ok!!! That is not funny 
I am getting the urge to rip my (whatever head garment I am wearing today) thing off in my car when someone drives badly and gesticulates at me (it’s not me driving badly or baldly even…) but I am starting to get angry outburst urges!!!
Anyway think I am rambling and on a tablet induced high (got some more megga muscle relaxants for my back, starting with metha…) need I say more?
Lots of love all
xxx
Number 7 of 12 tomorrow and number 3 of 18 herceptin.
Still have hair every week its still there seems amazing. Not washing it much so it looks horrid most of the time. No one at work seems to have even noticed. Decided not to tell anyone unless I really have to. Its nice to be normal and not have to think about it all the time.
Long day tomorrow but another one will be done.
Hope everyone is ok .