Stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND) (Part 1)

Life after a breast cancer diagnosis Living with breast cancer
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Good news about appt FF, that’s pretty quick, thank goodness.

Had a wood burning stove for many years and went through tons and tons of wood, until we discovered that you could burn coal but a special type that wouldn’t break glass front doors of stove. Did love it though!

No JCJ, my mother has NOT used chariot at all, grrrrrr!! So am still a front runner!

Saw about mouth yesterday, left at 10 and returned home around 3, long day, suggested food supplements, there has been a trial but not enough data etc to confirm that they actually help. Dentist said it was worth a try…

The tablests are not on the NHS so if they are not an extortionate price will give it a go. xx

 

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Daughter had a letter today about the appt. with the councellor.  Unfortunately it IS only an initial assessment, so a waiting list looks likely.  A form to fill in about how she’s feeling, I’ve told her to exaggerate but I expect (and respect) that they will treat those feeling suicidal first!

 

We’ve done some more sorting out today but as fast as we clear one space of boxes we seem to be filling up another space with the stuff that was in the boxes.  It’s like trying to fit a quart into a pint pot!  SIL has fitted the new bit of worktop in the kitchen, which really has turned an nightmare of a kitchen into a usable one.  A portable gas fire has moved into the living room and it is much warmer in their house now with that going. Fortunately weather means that no heating during day is ok, just needed at night.

 

My last but one house had a woodburner and I loved it too  AND I had an AGA.  I loved, really loved my Aga… I still miss it now 12 years on.  I will be jealous when their woodburner is going.

 

Hope tablets/food supplements help you Katy.  Definitely worth a try.  I’m still practising for the Chariot race, I’m not very good but my costume is spectacular!

 

I hope your sister is still improving JCJ.

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Prancing around the house in my NEW clarks shoes bought online. They are lovely, but just a teeny bit on the big side.Can’t make up my mind whether to return them and get 1/2 a size smaller.  This is the 3rd time I’ve put them on - having decided yesterday that I’d definitely keep them (but somehow not being able to dispose of the packaging - or take the sticky labels off!) At this rate, I will have worn them too much to send them back anyway! 

 

New Ecco ankle boots arriving soon too!  I realised that I’m still wearing shoes and boots that I had when the ‘kids’ (now nearly 31 and 28 respectively) were still at school. They are no longer really smart enough for work, but my newer booots have a slightly higher heel which makes my metatarsalgia worse. Decided to spend the overtime money I earned in the summer and buy decent shoes and boots that will last a long time - but that makes the decision whether to keep them even more onerous!  

 

Sister has now been moved to a single ward on haematology (single ward because there are “strange bugs in her gut, which are not doing her any harm, but will not be good for anyone else to catch”.) This is an improvement, but now she has no phone signal and dodgy wifi, so she can’t keep in touch! :frowning:  I have to just hope she’s still improving, unless I hear from BIL.  A move to Birmingham renal unit has not been ruled out, but it’s looking less likely as it’s primarily a blood problem anyway.  She managed one turn on Words With Friends, before she lost signal, so I’m taking that as a sign she’s feeling better! :slight_smile:

 

At least your daughter is getting her initial consultation soon - and I think that alone will make her feel a bit better.  Be careful googling - some ‘councillors’ do more harm than good. Check for credentials and reviews, if you can! Better to wait, knowing things are at least moving, and get a good one than rush in and add to the problem?! (I speak from experience - OH saw an awful councillor, many years ago, and things are still surfacing that were said to him - I know, now, why he used to come home form the sessions and pick fights with me - councillor was unloading his own bad divorce onto his clients!! :smileymad:)

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PS other makes of shoe are, of course, available. Some even come in purple and have flashing lights and/or rhinestones!! :smiley:

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Inner soles JCJ?   Perhaps they will help.  New boots sound as if they are a necessity not an extravagance.  So glad that your sister is getting better.

 

Tales of daughter’s “project” house go on (this will run and run I shall never be talking about the weather again)!  Immersion heater tonight has been tripping out the electricity so it’s now turned off and they are back to boiling kettles.  Electrician has to be called tomorrow and I predict he will have a fit at the state of the electrics.  It was all new in the 1950’s and hasn’t been touched since.  It’s worked fine for one elderly lady who only used the lights, ran a fridge, washing machine and toaster.  Now there’s 5 of them living there with lights, fires, tv, toaster, microwave, fridge, two freezers, mobile phones to charge ,I-pads, computer, washing machine, tumble drier etc.  

 

Daughter’s anxiety worse yesterday and worse again today.  More thoughts that she has this terrible disease, more reassurance needed.  Thank heavens we’re going to the Drs. tomorrow…get her meds upped.  Not helped by SIL snappping at her when she went to him for comfort.  He apparently apologised but if I’d been there I’d have killed him!  Yes, we all wish we could just tell her to get a grip!! Pull herself together!! There’s nothing wrong with her!!  But it doesn’t work like that does it ?

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No unfortunately it doesn’t FF, good luck today, perhaps you should tell doc that her worry about disease has returned, so this doc can advise her that she doesn’t have it. From another doctor that may alleviate her fears, such a shame, difficult without professional help. I saw a pain psychologist and it was the best ever, changed my outlook completely. Can she be referred for psychology services??

 

OOH shoes JCJ, just love shoes…have found that h***** are the best for comfort!

Hope sister is picking up and you hear from her soon.

Quiet weekend, had family here yesterday and GD was playing the wii, she was having a complete fit cause she was finding a level on a game very difficult, lots of grrrrrrrrrrr moments.

Had a curry takeaway as a treat last night, was sooooooooo yummy, tummy still full haha xx

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Oh gosh am on the “bad behaviour and where are my marbles??” bench…had a call from friend asking if we were still going out today, completely forgot…we have now arranged for next week, silly me:smileyembarrassed:!!

On the good side woke up this morning and my hair looks very tidy, better than yesterday during the day!

It usually looks a complete mess, standing on end etc when I wake up so I assume I didn’t move at all in bed last night haha! Was telling ED and she said I prob COULDN’T move…xx

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Dr. yesterday yet again lovely to daughter and has upped her meds.  Hopefully this will help.  No good getting Dr. to tell her she hasn’t got this dreaded disease as she is convinced that if she hasn’t got it now, she will have it next week!!  The stress she is under is immense and it’s a tribute to her STRENGTH of mind how well she is actually coping.  “Project” house, no proper heating at the moment so it’s cold and damp.  No hot water.  I’d be in a strait-jacket but somehow, she IS coping, and most of the time seeming her usual self.

 

School - I couldn’t care less about. Not the correct attitude I know.  I had three days off sick last week and the lady that filled in for me apparently asked about the lack of disinfectant!  Going back yesterday I was told that a lot of the children were off with sickness/diarrhoea.  I wonder why??  Because the disinfectant has been in the boot of my car?

 

Katy - providing that I have guessed correctly what you mean by h****** I agree with you.  Most comfortable shoes around!  My hair is tidier too, I managed to fit in a haircut last Thurs. and it’s much better.

 

JCJ - I hope that your sister is still improving.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I am snivelling on the CSL bench. Got home to find our beautiful Magnolia tree, pride of the whole street, completely gone - not even a stump left. OH (to be known as The B****** for the foreseeable future) had texted me to tell me, but the shock of it not being there, as I drove down the street, still reduced me to tears. I realised how much I loved the sight of it as I rounded the corner into our road. Added to that, whichever cowboys he employed to get rid of it have completely mutilated our neighbours’ lovely silver birch too. :frowning:

 

‘TB’ decided our tree was too big and had to go. He told me on Sunday he was going to cut it back this week and I said it was too early. Magnolias should be cut back in the winter - December to February- like we have always done in the past. (We planted that tree when we moved here, 32 years ago. You should have seen the sulk he got in when ES and I cut it back the first time, about 10 years ago!!)

 

Then he said that actually, he was going to take the whole thing out, and I said no you are not!! He said “The decision is already made” and a massive argument ensued. I hate to imagine how he’d react if I ever treated him like that!! He said I had all my own way over the new kitchen (Oh how I’m going to pay for that for the rest of my days! :smileymad: and I don’t call gentle persuasion for TEN YEARS having all my own way!! I tried to include him in the decisions, but he just said “whatever you want”)

 

Yesterday, he trimmed some of the branches, so although I was worried he might have damaged the tree doing it too early, I thought he’d at least agreed to leave the tree in for a while. This morning, he’d left a note in the kitchen (too cowardly to even tell me in person!?) to say they were coming today or tomorrow to remove it.

 

Although I know it is getting too big, the fact that it is screening the fields that are soon going to be destroyed by a huge housing estate, made me hope to keep it for a few more years. I even offered to cut it back myself! 

 

So I am mourning not just the loss of the tree but the complete lack of respect for my feelings. He’d bl**dy well better include me in the decision about what to replace it with, because there WILL be a tree there! THAT decision has already been made!! By me! 

 

Sorry about that, ladies, don’t want to burden the ‘kids’. :frowning:

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On a brighter note… sister been “playing on the stairs” with her physio today, with very little help. She’s still very weak, and keeps getting worrying, unexplained chest pains, but the fact that she’s been allowed to practise on the stairs must be a good sign?

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Aaah JCJ, big hugs coming your way, how sad.

It’s amazing how attached we become to our gardens, plants, trees etc, a long time 32 years.

Next time you are quoted re the kitchen you’ll just have to say “well, we’re even stevens now cause you chose to get rid of the magnolia…”

We’ll put OH on the “bad behaviour” bench.

Glad your sister is recovering.

Oh my gosh FF, now you can soooooooooo emphasise what happens when there is NO disenfectant xx

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Oh JCJ, hugs from me too.  OH (TB) out of order really.  Magnolia trees are so beautiful…I love them. You’ve got ammunition next time he throws the kitchen at you.  

 

Daughter and SIL had almighty row on Tues. night over the chimney/woodburner issue.  She’s told me all about it but as far as SIL is concerned I know nothing!  On Tues. she found out a vital form for building regs. which should have been done BEFORE they started the chimney had not been sent in.  She filled it in and posted it.  SIL took offence that she had “interfered”.  Because the form is now “retrospective” permission it’s cost them an extra £100!  Daughter totally lost the plot!  Almighty row!!  

 

Weds. am.  apologies all round, hugs and kisses and all is ok. Today building inspector has been out and passed everthing done so far so all ok.  Tomorrow flue fitters coming to look and then order flue and fit it. Daughter has arranged all these visits and got SIL to agree to pay for fitting.  She has taken over from SIL and is now organising all this herself. She’s coping amazingly well and all this distracts her from her health worries although yesterday evening she fell apart over something easily explained and trivial. She’s pulled a muscle. It’s so obvious. We know how!  SIL got her over it.   I’d say 85% of her is rational but when the 15% gets a hold…

 

School - just getting on with it.  Adding the disinfectant to the floor cleaner and just doing my job.   Managing  mostly to keep to usual hours as SIL adjusting his hours so we don’t leave daughter alone.

 

 

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I posted this morning but it’s vanished!

 

OHTB not forgiven, but I’ve decided to move on (and not sulk for 6 months like he would!) I googled and found a replacement, smaller Magnolia tree and left it on the computer screen for him to find. He took the hint and ordered it (he knows he has a LOT of ground to make up with me!!). It’s not as big, but as it’s a very dark pink/purple, it should be just as spectacular.

 

Our neighbour accosted me when I got home, yesterday, and said, “The landmark has gone!” Yep, that about sums it up! :frowning:

 

I had an observation at school this morning - came out as “Outstanding with elements of good”. I spent an hour or so on the smug bench until I came down to earth with a bump: Very difficult class this afternoon and I suspect, had I been observed then it would have been " C**p with elements of diabolical " Hey ho! At least it’s Friday, and only one more week to half term! :slight_smile:

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It’s that invisible ink again, JCJ.

Glad you are a bit happier with the prospect of a new magnolia.

Been pretty quiet, just gearing myself up for ED’s birthday, she’s great to buy for cause she’s so easy whereas YD is a nightmare!!!

Was watching tv there and screen went black, mmmmm, tv changed channel by itself??? I went back to programme and it’s not there??? just a fast motion other station which is making gurgly noises??? What’s going on??? Has that camel escaped from my bookcase?? xx

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JCJ - so pleased that your observed lesson went well and you got the glowing report that you deserve.  But I loved your verdict on the afternoon lesson!!

 

Hope your tv ok Katy.  Cross stitched camels can’t escape from bookcases…can they???

 

Daughter’s appt with councellor went well today and therapy will commence two weeks today.  YAY!  Must admit I wasn’t expecting it so soon, so that’s fantastic.  She was given a booklet to read which she promptly gave to me to read first as she’s anxious as to what it may say.  I’ve read the first four pages which describe her to a T, glanced through the rest and I think it will help a lot.  However I won’t let her read it until nearer the time when she can discuss what she has read with the councellor.  Fortunately she also liked the councellor.  She was in there just over an hour, I was getting a little concerned as they said assessment would be 30/40 minutes.

 

SIL got his act together over the weekend and there is now hot water again. The doors have been planed so they fit over the new carpets and replaced so it is now warmer.  I babysat for them on Saturday night and was quite warm enough.  Having the doors back on makes such a difference. Surprising what an almighty row can accomplish :smileytongue:

 

I am longing for next week when I can have some time off school and maybe recharge the batteries. 

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Glad your daughter is getting the help she needs so quickly. Let’s hope this is a corner turned.

 

We’re just got back from visiting my sister in hospital. She was moved to Birmingham on Friday and her OH and ES visited over the weekend, so I said I’d go today. It’s quite a trek for her OH, so he can only manage to visit a couple of times a week, and I didn’t want her to be inundated over the weekend and then nobody for days.

 

She is much better than I expected her to be (though I don’t know how much she was keeping from “little sister!”) but you should see the bruises on her arms! Ouchy! 

 

According to her YS - an Emergency Medicine Consultant! - she is very lucky to be here! She had pleurisy, pericarditis AND kidney failure - basically all her organs were shutting down. Just 2 weeks on, and they are talking of sending her home in the next few days!! They are not entirely sure that the bone marrow transplant has worked as her blood counts are not recovering as fast as they expected, but she just has to wait and see. It could be just taking longer because our brother’s blood group was different to hers (it isn’t now!) despite him being a near perfect match for bone marrow.

 

I’m going to be shattered for the rest of the week but, luckily, Friday is a training day and then I have next week to recover (though we’re in Norwich for 2 nights - taking the girls out, next Monday, to celebrate their engagement! :slight_smile: )

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FF, that’s fantastic news, hopefully will be a great help to your daughter, fingers crossed.

JCJ, how amazing that your sister may go home soon, hope all goes well for her.

TV is working fine, just a blip, think it was to do with sat signal rather than tv.

Had a busy day today, GD and GS both here, ED was off getting nails done (gift from YD), then mad dash into town, bought boots, thermal leggings, gloves and socks from superly, duperly cheap shop beginning with a p.

They are all just mucking about things not serious going out things haha so just perfect.

It’s freeeeeeeezing here ALREADY!!! Have had heating on for last couple of weeks, brrrrrrrrr!

Our kids have been off, this is their second week, do you only have a week, JCJ and FF??

Meeting friend, I forgot about last week, tomorrow:smileyembarrassed:, she phoned me today thinking that we were meeting up today?? Thank goodness we are as bad as each other haha, makes things a lot easier!!

Still not heard from friend about her new lump, she said she would contact me, feel a bit concerned, hoping she’s just forgotten and it’s not bad news. xx

 

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No heating on here yet, Katy.  In fact today, daughter, GD and myself had lunch out in her garden in the sunshine! Have to make the most of it while we can. 

 

So pleased that your sister may go home soon,JCJ.  Hope all now goes smoothly for her.

 

Managed to have a conversation, not just a few quick words, with ST today at school.  She asked after daughter and whether I was ok etc.?  Also asked if I had all the supplies that I need now?  So I said “NO!” Still no disinfectant!  Difference was I felt she was actually listening today, rather than being her usual very busy self and giving me half her attention.  Non-pupil day on Friday, so we also negotiated that I can have Friday off and make up the time during half term.  So I will have Friday off and also two days next week.

 

Friday is important as it is daughter’s 40th birthday!! (Can you imagine how old that makes ME feel?). She’s already had the last two Saturdays out celebrating with friends but I’m going to take her out shopping and meet up for lunch with son and DIL as well and spoil her. She’s been better today, I suppose yesterdays assessment was worrying her over the weekend.  Diagnosis was severe anxiety with moderate depression…she doesn’t seem depressed to me but then I’m no expert and the two do go hand in hand.

 

Took more things to the tip today including four bin liners of my things that have been lurking in my conservatory since I emptied the cupboard so the plumber could fit the new boiler last May! 

 

All the washing out on the line today dried and put away so I couldn’t be happier. 

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Oh gosh, sooooooo jealous FF, no eating in the garden here??

Have been on the “washing everything in sight” bench, last load tumble drying at the moment, whew!!

Just had the yummiest roll ever, ham, potato salad and tomatoes, delicious, no butter in sight.

ED’s birthday tomorrow, so will have GD, we are going out for tea, a restaurant, she’s all excited, may have to ban the wii cause she gets a little grumpy, little??? who’s kidding who??

Then will have GS on Sat because ED is going out for a meal with partner’s family.

Have a great day with your family, FF.

You too JCJ, where are you all going to for meals?? xx

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We’re going here:

lochfyneseafoodandgrill.co.uk/menus/main-menu

Can’t wait! And I don’t have to scan through to find the only thing I can eat!! :slight_smile:

 

Weather wet and dark here today. Heating has been on for a few days now. Clocks go back at the weekend. Dark evenings. :frowning: