sky2sea, a little too late methinks,if only you had eaten more cauliflower then you would have earned your place on the smug B**stard bench. X
Hmm - dont think you have thought this through. If iād eaten more cauliflower Iād spend half my time on the ginormous smellsārāus bench
* the bench is normal sized btw
sky2sea, itās alright because the smelly bench is way, way at the very back of " bench city". x
Iāve enjoyed telling people that of course, if only Iād not allowed myself to put on weight, eaten more cauliflower and drunk less wine, I wouldnāt have cancer now! They look at me in disbelief and it starts a good conversation (usually with THEM saying āwhat rubbishā) Iād have wanted a cheese sauce on my cauli anyway, and isnāt dairy bad for us too? Getting out of bed is bad for usā¦ no waitā¦ my physio daughter says STAYING in bed is bad for usā¦ Iām off to the benches!
GIJaneH, Like your style!! Which bench are you off to? Iām just wandering around at the moment not going near the smug b bench though! x
Wow, wish Iād found this earlier - can we have a new bench called āI donāt even post cos my thoughts arenāt worth sharingā?
I have lost my marbles courtesy of bc/treatment/depressive reaction to it - donāt even know any more.
And guilt - oh sh*t donāt get me startedā¦ Iām a catholic too. My family is bored by the whole thing (sibs not OH and kids) so I donāt burden them with it nowadays - am 2 years post second dx (recurrence)so really have had time to get over the nuisance that is bc. Brother called it an āirritationā I could have hit him with a big stick but the guilt would have doubled!
Donāt expect a response as my post seem to end most threads I contribute to. Add a āparanoid that Iām tedious about itā bench - if no one else is on it Iāll lie down and have a kip. Add chronic fatigue to the loss of marbles.
yours sincerely
postcard from laa laa land
Daisyleaf, you have just made me laugh, there will always be a bench if you need one just letting you know before thread disappears due to you posting, honestly youāre not paranoid??? x
Daisyleaf, weāll even provide you with some cardboard and newspapers if you want to stay there all night! Know the thing about the catholic guilt. Were you ever terrified by the thought of this massive guardian angel figure looming over you ready to tell you off? I can still see the picture in the colouring book I had as a kid, I was petrified!
It wasnāt so much the guardian angel I was scared of - it was my mother - the avenging angel!!! And the nuns at school - they scared the hell out of me. I have fallen off the non smoking wagon recently and was walking past the convent about a week ago (I live very close to it) and sister Aelred came out so I chucked the fag I was smoking into a garden. Then I had to go back and check I hadnāt started a fire. And the guilt of smoking - bl**dy hell! It appeals to my adolescent rebellious self - the bit thats got me through all the sh*t of the past few years. But I have to say I was at my non smoking, healthy living best both times I was dxād so I canāt blame that. So Iāll just sit beside the guilty bench, and lean my back on it.
Thanks for the newspapers, but not tabloids please cos I HATE them and Iād have to move to the angry bench! I could light up and set fire to them, but I donāt suppose we could have the burning benchā¦
Owing to chemo-brain, I canāt remember whether thereās a paranoid bench, but if there isnāt, there should be! My word, the guilt from childhood is deep isnāt it? Taken me years to realise that God is FOR me, not against me. Even though Iāve had cancer, I donāt believe He zapped me me with it! The Shack is a good read to blow your mindā¦ a novelā¦ funny, sad, brilliantā¦ makes you rethinkā¦ Think Im just sliding off the ā*** shatteredā benchā¦ hoping for a soft landing!
Daisyleaf - I laughed my head off at you chucking your fag in the bushes like some naughty school girl!
I am on the guilty bench right now. Asked my 14 yr old daughter to do hoovering as I canāt due to breast op. Came back from shop to find she had hoovered one bit of one room and had left the rest; she hadnāt even done the bit I asked her to specifically. I had a real go at her (PMT does not help!)and she stormed to her room. I have just spent last half hour crying from the bottom of my heart. What have I done to deserve such an uncaring daughter?. And why do I feel guilty? I have looked after her single handed for laast 8 years
I am feeling so sorry for myself and need to snap out of it. She is spoiled and gets her own way even now. I am so tired I just cannot cope today. I have told her I want her to move to her dads, but I donāt mean it
How do I get though to her how ill I am? She has seen my scars but cannot understand the overwelming tiredness I feel as I recover. And how do I stop feeling so guilty that I am having to ask her to help?
Oh Dizzycloud, try not to feel guilty, itās very difficult, you have done nothing wrong, she is a teenager thats what they do! I remember my Mum asking me to hoover once and I went into a real huff, I was spoilt too. You are having one of those days where everything seems to get on top of you, I think days like this are unfortunately part of the bc package. Youāre worried, sheās worried and you just end up getting annoyed with each other itās a very emotional time, hopefully you can have a cuddle soon, sending you lots of hugs x
Oh Dizzyā¦ feel for you! Sheās 14ā¦ says it all. No idea about anyone elseās feelings; no understanding; no communication skills (probably)ā¦ I think 8-10 year olds are probably more caring! (then it comes back again later) I remember doing my back in and having to be on bed rest for 2-3 days and my son saying āyou only did this to make me do more housework!!ā If you can get someone else to explain to her what itās like for you (and have a conversation about how she might help) that might be better than it coming from Mumā¦ after all, what do we mums know??? And as for the guiltā¦ consider it part of her life-skill training to help out! Our job is to equip them for adult lifeā¦ so they need to learn how to cook, so on buttons and clean! (whether they like it or not - how often do we like it??!) BUT, I know itās hard when you donāt have the energy and feel rottenā¦ virtual hugā¦ and tissueā¦ Jane
thanks for you comments, calmed down a bit and spoke to daughter, I appologised for over-reacting and told her how I was feeling and that I knew she cared but she did not show it very well. I said by helping me she could show she cared, and that I would teach her how to hoover properly as she could not be expected to know first time!. We are both hormonal at the moment and we always blow up at each other, but its worse when I am feeling so vulrunable. It so helps to vent on here. Promise I have stepped firmly away from the guilty bench. I am now residing on the āfeeling calm and going to get betterā bench - I may be occupying this bench for quite some time!!
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Benchland was a bit of a secret, so no problems here about the change of title.
Sitting on the āI hate workā bench today, with feet up on the ācanāt be ar, erm, botheredā bench. I have absolutely no motivation to do this job, but it paysā¦ (well it will when I get round to doing an invoice!)
Have we got a āstubborn and defiantā bench?
If not, we shouldā¦
Qualifying criteriaā¦
I will not give up smoking
I will not give up drinking
I will not stop eating things I like (save the potentially food poisonous ones 'cos iām not that silly)just because some stupid author says so
I will not think about cancer every second of every day andā¦
I WILL NOT GIVE IN!
TLB, I think thatās the ā**** it!ā bench, or some similar name. Easily identified by the inhabitants, who sit there with arms crossed aggressively, best Paddington Bear stares on faces, scowl, and fingers poised and ready to deliver the two-fingered salute at the drop of a hat. Iām there on the end, accompanied by murderous cat.