stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND) (Part 2)

Looks like we were posting at the same time, Ali! :joy:

Broadband still working. Just had another email from technician checking whether Iā€™m happy with it. :grin:

Enjoy a hard earned rest over the weekend. You are lucky you had a TA to support you in your senior/longCovid moment. Usually, when I was covering classes I had no TA! :confused:

Two weeks until half term. You can do it! :blush:xx

Great news about your skin abnormality. I had the same last year, on the back of my shoulder, except mine turned out to be basal skin cancer. It was whipped off when I saw the dermatologist and confirmed 2 weeks later. Luckily nothing else was needed to be done, except now I think I have a keyloid scar (I looked it up on nhs website) it itches a lot and appears to be bigger than at first. One day Iā€™ll get round to showing the drs. I try to avoid them as much as I can. Having said that I had my flu jab this afternoon at 2:24, that was my appointment time! Arm feels ok at the moment, probably will be sore later because thatā€™s the side I sleep on.
Have the best break next week! X

@Alicat I was also diagnosed with a Basal cell carcinoma in the middle of my back in January as well as having just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Mine was removed using chemotherapy cream leaving me with awful scaley, flaking skin, open bleeding sites. I could show you photos but to be honest they are triple x rated. Once Iā€™d finished the cream and the open parts had healed I started using cetraben ointment morning and night. Four months on and the site is smooth and soft and the dark red skin has faded to a pale pink. Canā€™t believe how well itā€™s responded and thanks to a diligent husband who puts it on for me. Good luck.

Hello nannabee
Thanks for your message. I didnā€™t know you could remove it that way. It does sound messy. I now have a lump that is twice as long as the original lump and very itchy. Best wishes to you.

1 Like

Home from my mini break. Had a fab time with my friend and without any of our responsibilities. Gorgeous weather on the first day gradually deteriorating until heavy rain as we left. Absolutely loved it and I was so grateful that it happened. I didnā€™t think it would. However, I am now paying the price for that freedom. Back home with a bang. Hopefully, heā€™s only so much worse because of the change in routine and exhaustion from trying to pretend, in front of nephew, that heā€™s more ā€œnormalā€ than he is. Now Iā€™m back and he can get back into routine, hopefully he will improve. I. Will. Not. Feel. Guilty. I. Needed. That. Break. It will be a long time before I brave another one!!

1 Like

Aah so pleased you had a lovely time JCJ, you deserved it, woo hoo!!
Hopefully OH will improve now you are home.
Busy day today, hospital appointment early morning, went to dept and they said I had to have an xray first, walked into xray place and there must have been at least 40 people waiting arrgh. Thankfully didnā€™t have to wait too long, woo hoo. Then back to consultant and it was decided an op was best so will be in 10-12 weeks. He said prob around New Year, ouch haha.
Popped into docs to arrange an appointment regarding skin, receptionist helpful and have a phone appointment, great, then as I was walking to EDā€™s I realised it wasnā€™t until Nov so will have to phone tomorrow and try and arrange for an earlier call, so annoying because know it will take hours to get through.
Speaking of skin, had squamous cell carcinoma on my leg, also used chemo cream as you say itā€™s messy Nanna, didnā€™t clear so ended up with PDT. All gone now, isnā€™t that odd that the 3 of us has had a skin cancer tooā€¦
Visited ED then into supermarket, only needed a couple of things, then home whew.
Pouring with rain here arrgh xx

1 Like

Iā€™m so glad you enjoyed your break. I think you deserved it.
So busy as always Katy, Thatā€™s not too long to wait for an operation these days.
One week to go, hurray! This has been an 8 week term no wonder weā€™re all so tired.
Itā€™s been so mild here, lots of rain still. Bound to rain all over half term too!

Its only a week ali woo hoo for the break.
Will you be off to the canals? Or just have quiet time?
Hope all is ok with you JCJ.
Friday did call docs, reception said to send in pics , said i couldnā€™t because hands are shaky and i cant see (face one) to take pic. So she made appointment with nurse. Quick shower then on my way pics taken doc will look at them on Tuesday. Today decided to shave my legs and spotted another one arrrgh so did take pic and have emailed surgery.
Went to EDs 10 cups of tea later into town, odds and ends purchased, then home. Was soooo tired went to bed at 8, fell asleep quickly, woke up just after 4am arrgh. Thatā€™ll teach me haha.
Out for lunch tomorrow, then again on Wednesday woo hoo!
EDs birthday on tuesday, cake will be in the shed xx

Ah, Ali, how I remember that 8 week half term exhaustion. Even more so when itā€™s the one running up to Cā€¦ ahem the festive season, or the summer holiday. Have a super relaxing break before the madness commences next half term.

Youā€™re living it large with all these lunches, Katy. And birthdays. How I love there being cake in the shed. Chomp. Chomp. Fingers all crossed that none of your skin things are causes for concern. :crossed_fingers:t3:

OH has got steadily worse since Iā€™ve been back. The washing machine has been on almost constantly trying to cope with all his ā€œaccidentsā€ and then he said he was in excruciating pain when he pees. We were both terrified itā€™s prostrate cancer, but neither wanted to put that thought in the otherā€™s head. He was in such distress, at 6:30 this morning, that I rang 111. A Dr rang back and they sent a Dr out to us. She came armed with antibiotics and was able to test a urine sample, in her car, and confirm it was ā€œa full blown UTI but no signs of blood so nothing more seriousā€. Phew! Dodged another bullet there? Alarms set for midnight, 6am, noon and 6pm for 7 days to take antibs. Hopefully, it will clear up within a few days. Heā€™s already improved - partly because heā€™s not worrying so much, I expect. He should be better by the time YD and GD visit next week end. :crossed_fingers:t3:

He told the 111 Dr that it was caused by ā€œa period of stress, recentlyā€. He was referring to my 2 nights away. He will forever link these 2 events in his brain now, making it even harder for me to escape again. :weary:

I was looking through old text messages, this afternoon, when I saw, for the first time, a text from the HT at my old school, dated 2nd September!!! Oh no! Donā€™t know how I missed that for so long. She wanted help with something in the school (MY) library. I replied, with apologies, but, of course, they sorted the problem long ago. I blamed the mare of a year weā€™ve had.

Steak, mushrooms, roasties, smashed roots, broccoli and gravy in the shed along with blackcurrant crumble. Makes up for me scoffing all the birthday cake? :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

Katy it does make you think is it all connected. They are now investigating a ā€œsomething suspiciousā€ that showed up in my chest on a CT scan for something completely different. Could be lymphoma they say. Give me strength - 3 different cancers in a year.

Sending big hug xxx

Oh my goodness nanna, thatā€™s a lot to go through, in a year?? Geez.
Fingers and toes crossed for you, big hugs flying your way.
Hope there is a difference in OH now JCJ, and things are getting back to normal. When do your girls arrive?
Lunches were lovely especially todays, yummy yum, will def be back in there. Love pastaā€¦
Chocolate cake in the shed, EDā€™s birthday went very well, was treated to a fashion show by youngest GD, it lasted a long time hahaha.
Was contacted last night a text message, saying thing on eyebrow was being referred to dermatology, so had to phone this morning regarding the others. All are referred but eyebrow is concerning, itā€™s what i was expecting so no surprise. Either doc will contact me or dermatology will depending on whatā€™s what. Should be at the latest by next week. So between foot and skin things are moving along woo hoo.
No plans for the next couple of days, thank goodness, itā€™s always funny when everything is at once, feet up and settled down now, hurrah xx

Hugs to you both, Katy & nannabee, and all digits crossed for fast, effective treatment. :crossed_fingers:t3::crossed_fingers:t3::crossed_fingers:t3::crossed_fingers:t3::crossed_fingers:t3:

Glad you had yummy lunches and delicious chocolate cake.

OH was slightly improved, for a while: no ā€œaccidentsā€ overnight on Monday or during the day yesterday but then horribly shaky again in the evening. Last night was horrific. He called me, several times before finally settling at about 12:30am. I didnā€™t get to sleep until after 3. Panicked shout woke me at 4:25am because he got stuck trying to crawl back into bed after using the commode. Eventually got him safely into the middle of the bed but he just had to stay there (lucky itā€™s a king size). He didnā€™t manage to move the next twice he needed to pee. :weary:
He had a full on panic attack that lasted over 2 hours. He wanted me to ring 999 but I knew if I did, heā€™d be calm by the time anyone came. It happened before. Finally rang 111. Loads of irrelevant questions that they insisted he answer (I know they were checking for confusion, but so annoying and his detailed answers - when he finally heard the questions - dragged up stuff from months ago, not what was happening now! At 5am! :weary:) Then clinical Dr rang. Repeated all the same qs. She said sheā€™d send an emergency ambulance. :scream: I got dressed, put lights on and unlocked the front door. 10 minutes later, Dr from mental health rang. Asked most of the same qs all over again and said no ambulance but sheā€™d get a GP from our surgery to ring ā€œthis morningā€. Itā€™s 5pm now so thatā€™s not happening today!! :rage:
He finally settled at about 7 but I didnā€™t bother going back to bed: awaiting GP call and needing to cancel piano tuner, due at 12:30, as soon as it was a respectable time. Dentist on Friday also cancelled as was meds review on Tuesday, with practice nurse.
I was worried the antibiotics were interfering with his PD and/or anxiety meds so I emailed PD nurse. Sheā€™s away, but an angel from the team rang me, just now, to reassure me that the PD symptom deterioration is due to the UTI not the meds, so he must continue taking them, drink as much fluid as he can and things should improve in a day or so. Phew! I was so stressed and asleep-deprived and she was so sympathetic and reassuring :innocent:

Messaged YD, this morning, and their visit has been cancelled too. Even if heā€™s vastly improved, the upheaval and change to routine will be too much. :sob::sob::sob::sob::sob:
Iā€™ll try and meet them in Ely, for the day, one weekend. Sheā€™s promised to try to do a video call during half term and theyā€™ll all be over for Christmas. Yay! GD will be disappointed so Iā€™m going to post her the two picture books I bought in a charity shop and the knitted Christmas Cracker Bear as a consolation.

Yesterday ā€”perfect timing, as usual - I also had to organise the collection of late ESā€™s van from the police storage facility. :sob: His friends were going to get it - and store it until after the inquest (thank goodness!) but the compound wonā€™t release it to anyone but next of kin, so I shall have to go with them. We canā€™t have his pride and joy auctioned off for a pittance, or worse, scrapped!! :scream::sob:

My neck is giving me hell: too much tension and too long hunched over my media pad screen, I expect. :roll_eyes: Hot wheat bag and physio exercises.

To think, it was only this time last week I was getting home. Feels like a lifetime. :cry: Iā€™m using the memories of it as a calming strategy. :person_in_lotus_position:t2:
Please cross everything for a quieter night tonight. :sleeping:

Everything crossed for a quieter night :crossed_fingers::crossed_fingers::crossed_fingers::crossed_fingers::crossed_fingers:

1 Like

Crossing fingers and toes for you.
Sounds so very stressful big big hugs xx

1 Like

Sorry for the radio silence. Weā€™re still living the nightmare but OHā€™s antidepressants have been increased so, hopefully, things will calm down soon. We see the consultant neurologist next week too so there may be more PD meds offered. I hope so. Iā€™ve seen the future and I donā€™t like it!!

Iā€™ve been trapped at home - some days I couldnā€™t even get into the garden! - for 2 weeks so, after a tearful phone conversation with the local carers charity, I have an emergency sitter booked for tomorrow so I can get to Knit and Natter. Hurrah. It will do us both good. I escape and OH will have someone else to talk to for 2 1/2 hours. I bet heā€™ll behave as if nothing is wrong and theyā€™ll wonder why I got in such a state. :roll_eyes: Another sitter booked for next Tuesday morning; initially so I could go out with the Ambling group but Iā€™ve rearranged a coffee date with a friend, originally planned for Thursday, as the amble involves a 30 minute, quite stressful drive each way and a quiet chat might be more beneficial. Another sitter booked so I can go swimming on 11th. Hopefully, by then, he will be better enough for me to go out without a sitter. If not, we will organise a regular carer to come in a few hours a week. I canā€™t cope with the problems caused by his mental health if I donā€™t protect my own!! :sob:

Hope you are enjoying your half term, Ali, and that your skin things are being dealt with, Katy. Good luck with all your treatments Nannabee. :people_hugging:

My heart goes out to you, I wish I could do something to help. It isnā€™t much but know Iā€™m thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful evening and sending a big hug. xxxx

Hope you enjoyed your knit and natter and you were able to not have to think about OH for a little while because you knew he was safe, big hugs wonderful for you to be social again xx
Do you know whats what yet nanna??
Am through at YDs, journey through was fine, hurrah. Was told there would be issues on sunday bus replacements arrgh journey takes 2 hours, no no. Asked at railway station and there will be 3 trains running am hoping to catch one of them xx

Iā€™m pleased you are able to take some time for yourself Jcj. You need to look after you.
Hope you manage to get a train Katy, 2 hours on a bus sounds awful to me.
Thatā€™s it, half term has almost gone, but I feel like Iā€™ve had a proper rest this time. Only one visit to a canal this week as OH was busy for work. Got inset day on Monday at another school. I love looking around other schools. Take care everyone have a good weekend.

I paid dearly for my 2 hours of escape to K&N: came back to non-stop tremor/panic attacks for the rest of the day and in the night. I cancelled the sitter - and coffee date - for today as I need to keep him as calm as possible to be physically able to get him to consultant appointment tomorrow. Just as well I did because the delivery of mobility aids, recommended by OT physio and provided by NHS, came today. We now have a chariot. Race you, Katy!! :rofl: It just happens to be in his favourite colour of dark red but I doubt heā€™ll use it, even though it would be a massive help. :roll_eyes:

YD is coming over tonight, for a couple of nights, for moral support and to help us get to the hospital. I feel a bit bad that sheā€™s doing the 4 hour drive now heā€™s so improved but it will be lovely to see her. Sheā€™s bringing her laptop to ā€œwork from homeā€ here because she hasnā€™t booked time off work. Bless her!! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

The Last 2 days have been much better. The increased anti depressant finally seems to be working. The PD meds are wearing off too quickly but consultant will probably help with that. :crossed_fingers:t3:

Iā€™ve just done an online supermarket shop, to be delivered on Friday and, as I was checking out it suggested I might like to buy glitterberry juice!! :joy: Who? Me? I deny it. Hic!

I hope the return to school hasnā€™t been too much of a shock to the system, Ali. Glad you had a proper rest over half term.

Good luck with treatments, Katy & Nannabee - and anyone else whoā€™s lurking behind the benches. :stuck_out_tongue: