I’m a few weeks off of my mastectomy and reconstruction and am so scare I’m not going to wake up after. How do I get ok with this feeling? Thinking of everyone going through this and virtually holding all your hands xx
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Hi @motherducky I’m sorry you’re struggling in the lead up to your surgery. It’s a feeling I know many on the forum can identify with.
I’m sure someone here will be able to share an experience with you. In the meantime, although this thread is from last year, you may find it helpful in hearing other experiences on this topic: Surgery this week - rising fear - Going through breast cancer treatment / Top tips and practical support - Breast Cancer Now forum.
Our specialist nurses are here to chat through any worries or questions you might have, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. You can reach them on our helpline 0808 800 6000 which is open Monday to Friday 9am-4pm and 9am-1pm Saturday.
We’re thinking of you,
Lucy
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I’m a year on from double mastectomy and had exactly the same fears - they are completely normal and I suppose it is the lack of control, we have to put our faith and our life in someone else’s hands.
I will say, I work at a hospital and the teams are hugely experienced and check and double check everything and are so comforting and understanding.
I remember saying to my anaesthetist that I was so scared and he simply replied I know. Which was all I needed, he was calm, he had done this a thousand times before.
Just think of the end result - waking up and the cancer is gone or it’s another step along the way to be gone.
The only way through it is to go through it which is no comfort, I know, but you will be fine and I think you’ll be on here at some point down the line comforting the next person. I didn’t think I’d get here, but then time passes and you’re through it.
Good luck xx
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Totally agree. I had a specific fear, told my anaesthetist when he did my pre-op check and he was brilliant.
So my top tip is definitely to speak up x
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Hi ive had quite a few anaesthetics now but for breast cancer in 2004 it was my first surgery. I remember the feeling of “will I wake up” but you will. Its a funny feeling hearing them say “the operation is over, youre just waking up” but its honestly nothing to fear. I remember saying theres an elephant on my chest and telling the nurse to let my class go as it was 3.15pm!! (Retired teacher)! Try not to worry its not as bad as you fear x
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Ps my surgery this time is the 18th. Hope all goes well for your recovery x
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I felt exactly the same fear. When my anaesthetist spoke with me before the op., he was so kind and we chatted about our local supermarket and the fact that he had a cocker spaniel who he walked in our local park. After I left hospital I wrote a thank you card to him for helping me so much. Shortly after I came out of hospital I saw him and his dog and called his name. He thanked me for the card and gave me a hug and now when I see him I get another hug ! Not bad for an 86 year old who was so scared initially. They are all so highly trained and so professional, please don’t worry. Anticipation is worse than action - you will be absolutely fine. Love and best wishes.
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Hi motherducky
I have had a couple of operations in the past which I wasnt concerned about. For some reason, I felt totally different when going for my lumpectomy 2 years ago. I was convinced things would go wrong. I even asked if they could do it with a local instead. On my way to the ward, I saw signs for the mortuary which didnt help. I said ‘at least they dont have far to take me’.
Anyway, the staff on the ward, anaethetist and surgeon were all brilliant and professional. They put me at ease in no time. They know what they are doing. They do this all the time. I have a new work colleague who used to work in the breast theatres and he said he cannot remember the last time there was an anaesthetic issue. I wish I knew him before my surgery.
So, had my surgery. All went fine. Woke up feeling I had a few gins too many. Home having my tea by 6pm.
You will be fine x
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I fully empathise with all that’s been said here. I felt stupid saying that my biggest worry was dying on the operating table, but they are very understanding and reassuring. Just saying it helps. Best wishes.
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@motherducky - I think this is one of the most frequent fears and it’s perfectly normal , it’s fear of the unknown and a loss of control and it’s understandable … I’ve had several surgeries for different things but I was beyond terrified before my surgery last September … to the point where I was telling my husband I was convinced I was going to die … on the day I was second on the list and after the anaesthetist came to see me she told my surgeon how terrified I seemed and they quickly swapped the list round so I was first … it meant suddenly there was someone from theatre there to collect me … and I was walking down to theatre … on the way he was telling me how scared he was of flying but he did it because he’d never go anywhere otherwise … then he stopped at a warming cupboard and got a blanket out and gave it to me . I hugged this warm blanket and felt just a bit calmer … as I got onto the bed …My anaesthetist said “this is time sensitive surgery , let’s get this done and you’ll be waking up soon and it will all be over “ I felt reassured … that everyone was there to look after me … the last thing I remember was the anaesthetist asking me how I was going to spend my time recovering after my surgery , then I heard voices saying my name … and I was waking up in recovery . I wasn’t in any pain as they’d given me a nerve block in my chest wall before I woke up …
I felt relieved that the surgery was over (I had a single mastectomy ) …
There are risks to everything we do daily yet we do them without thinking about it … I told myself as I walked into theatre that if I didn’t have my surgery I was definitely going to die so the surgery was really the better option .
Do talk to your team about your fears , you won’t be the first or last person to be frightened of surgery , they can reassure you and support you x
Arty1
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Hope you can get some reassurance from these posts. I certainly thought I wouldn’t survive the op. I thought my world had ended last September when I found a lump and needed a mastectomy - at 78 I thought I was too old to go through such a major op but really no option. The only other op I had had was a D&C in my twenties. I was convinced I wouldn’t wake up! Everyone was so kind and reassuring and I remember waking up afterwards and bursting into tears and they had to fetch me a hankie! As with everything in life, it will come and go and you will have your own story to tell. With all best wishes.
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Hi motherducky, love your name 
I had surgery a month ago and was absolutely petrified. I had told my surgeonand the anaesthetist that I was scared and they were amazing. The anaesthetist explained the basic risks then asked if u wanted to hear the rest, I said no and she happily left it.
I had to have wires fitted before surgery and at one point panicked whilst waiting for the operation that I told them that I wanted the wires removed and I wanted to go home 
The surgeon quickly came out, held both my hands and explained that it was all going to be ok, I’d done the hardest part with the wires and next was the easy part a lovely sleep.
I remember when my turn came, walking down to theatre and seeing my surgeon. She gave me a big smile and the thumbs up. The anaesthetist chatted away to me. Told me she was giving me some gin and tonic as she injected my hand and that was it.
The surgeon couldn’t have been more right, I had the most lovely sleep and beautiful dream. When they woke me on the recovery ward I burst out crying because the dream was so lovely. You have your own nurse in the recovery ward and she was brilliant. I even had a lovely hot inflating blanket.
It’s so scary and your mind races ahead of you. Remember that you are going through an awful lot and be kind to yourself about it. Tell the team you are scared. They even had arranged for a counsellor to pop up to see me and she distracted me with general chit chat.
Good luck. Will be thinking of you
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I’m 6 days out after surgery. I’ve got PTSD from a previous bad experience of surgery and can emphasize with how distressing and scary it is. What helped me was bringing my partner and a close friend with me into admission on the day…I needed to have surgery done so they were there is distract me and support me. I also told the consultant and clinical team what had happened to me previously and that I wanted to be home same day. Having the explain to me at each stage what they were doing and they asked me about things like the oxygen mask did I want to hold it, helped me.
Have a think if there’s anything that might make it more manageable for you and speak to you clinical team, they want to do the best for you around the whole experience including surgery x
I can understand & relate @motherducky - thank you for sharing this post.
I am meant to be having surgery soon too, but am so so terrified and traumatised by the concept of mastectomy that I genuinely feel like i can’t do it. I’m having night terrors & can’t seem to get my head around the idea of having one breast at 38. 6 months ago, life was / felt fine.
I guess it’s primitive and natural to want to protect our bodies but I just don’t know how to approach this.
X
I said to my husband it’s like walking through custard at the moment. He said that it was funny that I used that analogy as he said the funny thing about custard is as long as you keep moving you won’t sink.
We have to be brave. Being brave is being shit scared and still moving through it. I’m 42 so a few years between us but not many. I’ve got my surgery in the 9th August.
We can and we will do this. You are so brave and it’s ok to feel crap and to feel like not continuing, that’s when you come here and we will have you.
We just have to move forward. We will do this x
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Your definition of being brave, being shit scared but moving through it, is spot on.
I had my mastectomy at 43. People used to call me brave then. I didn’t feel as though I was, all I knew was that I had no choice as the alternative (not to have it) simply wasn’t an option. It saved my life.
You can do this, and you will find that inner strength with everyone’s love and support x
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Thank you both for your replies. @bellalasagne1 - did you find it impacted you mentally? How did you manage it? Sorry if I sound pathetic, I just really feel like i can’t manage it…
Agree with your bravery comment - what a statement and so wise. X
What really helped me was something a friend once said—that we are incredibly lucky women to be in this part of the world, where we have access to these kinds of surgeries. There are so many women who don’t have these opportunities. That perspective really stuck with me, and in the days leading up to my double mastectomy, I kept repeating to myself how lucky I am.
It’s so true. These procedures have been around for a long time, and the doctors truly know what they’re doing. I went from being someone who had never had a surgery or even an injection, to someone who went through three major surgeries (all breast cancer-related) in just three months.
It’s now been six years—and here I am, back to normal.
Wishing you strength, peace of mind, and the very best of luck on your journey.
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That’s a big question!!
I’m not sure I did cope that well to be honest. It was 17 years ago (unfortunately I’m now back a 2nd time) so things were slightly different.
Looking back I didn’t worry about myself for a long time because my children were 9 and 12. I was in lioness mode protecting my cubs. Their grandparents were 70, still active, and effectively invited themselves to stay to look after us. It was very kind but in hindsight I needed for us to be alone and had a game face on so they didn’t worry about us and, quite frankly, let us be.
My husband was fantastic (still is bless him x) and from the outset said he didn’t care what I looked like minus a boob,
It was only when I’d finished the maelstrom of treatment that I think it hit me emotionally, in particular trying to buy bras. I’ve been through so many meltdowns bra shopping, possibly because the options 17 years ago were mostly nude or white huge matronly contraptions that I’d imagine my grandmother wearing. They were also designed for larger cup sizes. I was/am no bigger than a B and trying to find something pretty and a little sexy and comfortable that made me feel good seemed hopeless. After much trial and error my solution was to buy a ‘normal’ bra, to my taste, and pocket it myself.
I had got used to this over the years but have just had a lumpectomy on my Right Tit (as it’s affectionately known). My surgeon did offer me a 2nd mx but I’m not ready to go completely flat yet, so I do understand where you’re coming from. Right Tit is currently a bit of a mess, still not healed, but I’m hoping once it is it will look more back to my normal and I can move on.
None of us want to be in this position. If I have a bad day I remind myself that if I didn’t have that surgery I wouldn’t be here today. My children are now grown up, both graduated from uni, have good jobs, one is married the other hoping to be, and I hope to have grandchildren one day. There’s a lot to look forward to and sometimes we have to go through this shit to ensure we’re well.
I don’t know if my ramblings have helped.
I remember my 1st oncologist saying that he’d seen patients cope better if they had a positive attitude. It’s definitely not easy at times but we’re all here for each other so do continue to reach out.
Bella x
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When is your surgery, if you don’t mind me asking? I had pre op yesterday. I’d be so happy to share anything with about the day and the process once There were so many tears yesterday. I’m so scared about my surgery. It plagues my every thought but we have to do this.
The nurses are all so lovely and so will the surgeons be. You will and you can do this… xxx
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