Terrified but puting on a brave face

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41

Hi moonshine

Thanks for your well wishes.
Just got back having done the brave face thing again, I dont know why I do it, woman before me came out in tears. OH and daughter in tears and Im prattling on about being hungry and what does everyone want for lunch!!

Well, after a 40 minute wait we got called in and told Registrar was going to see me. I nearly burst a blood vessel after having to wait an extra week for results because he had put a note on the file that HE wanted to see me himself. I think I looked like a scared cornered animal because thats how they started to treat me. Hands in there assuring me that it was ok to see the Consultant,thanks!!!

I have gone right off him. I’ve worked his technique out and it is to play everything down as much as poss, so as not to alarm anyone. He started the boob was fine and I did’nt need any more surgery,great, I thought!! BUT they wanted to do some radiotherapy to my underarm because two of the nodes looked suspicious, yes I thought, I know that, getting impatient. Then he says like I was a child we need to do a bit of other treatment, I knew what was coming and whats that called I said, CHEMOTHERAPY!!! he whispered like it was nothing. I began to feel like he was treating me like a fool so I said Yes I knew exactly what itwas and how many sessions? - 8! Followed by 20 Radiotherapy then some tablets. Do you mean Tamoxifen, I said, yes, he looked surprised.Can I have a copy of my report? I asked. EErrrmmm, he hesitated. Dont say no, if you know what’s good for you, I thought. Reluctantly he agreed to put a copy in the bloody post!!!

I tried to read the report but without glasses and him trying to shut it as fast as I was reading, it was difficult. I saw metasis carcinoma and DUCTAL carcinoma in situ???
He did tell me, when asked that it was 2.2mm not 1.2mm as originally thought.

The bloody house phone keeps ringing while I am doing this and Im not answering cos I need time to think, if you know what I mean. My daughter asked if I will be getting an MRI to see if its anywhere else but he was vague and said that would be sorted at the Oncology department, great. Now thinking I will pay like you if the answer is No cos of previous cancer now this.

OH and daughter gone back to work. Gonna read literature on Chemo and Radiotherapy.

I hope and pray you get better news tomorrow.

Maybe speak later???

Jackiexxxx

42

Oh Jackie,

I’ve been thinking about you and thanks for telling us how you got on. I’m like you, no messing, tell it to me straight, they do faff about a bit sometimes.

Well you’ve got a bit to get through - but get through it you will girl! I haven’t even had my surgery yet, let alone the rest of it - so I’ll be right behind you,
we’ve got so much to look forward to haven’t we (not!).

God knows what they are going to tell me tomorrow, I don’t expect it to be good, cause it never is in my case, I know that sounds pessimistic, but it’s the truth.

Still, sit down with a cuppa, read through your stuff - then have a nice chat with OH and daughter. You are still trying to take it all in, and there’s so much to try and understand. A lot of it is so scientific, never was any good at all that!

Will deffo be back on later, so I’ll look out for you. Haven’t heard anything from Maggie (Milliemum) lately, I know she is having her surgery tomorrow, so I will be thinking of her all day.

Talk to you later,
Love Traceyxxxxx

43

Hi Tracey

Head spinning at the moment. Just put grandson to bed, but OH and daughter at local A&E. OH has large cyst on back, been there 10 years or more no probs. Today swollen to size of egg, luminous red and infected. GP sent him to hospital to have it lanced or whatever!!! Driving me mad he is in so much pain, love him to bits but dont really want to have to worry bout anyone else tonight!!! Told him if he didnt go there with his back he’d be going there as a casualty from me, lol!!! He soon went, the timing is amazing!!!

Anyway, how are you? I will be thinking of you tomorrow and really hoping for some brilliant news for you.

Love Jackiexxxx

44

Hi tracey
.hope everything goes ok for tomorrow.i find out tomorrow what treatment i will have,I’m going to build a bridge and I’m going to get over it,hope you can do the same

Eleanor

45

Hi Girls,

Hope hubby is ok Jackie - why does everything always happen at once !

I will let you know tomorrow pm how I got on, and Eleanor let us know too.

Lots of love
Traceyxxx

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Good Luck For Tomorrow Tracey,

Thinking about you.

Night
Jackiexxxxx

47

Hi all,

Jackie, that just sounds awful. I saw one of my surgeons on Friday and he was absolutely the opposite and kept saying sorry for being blunt…but I’d rather that any day. I’m sorry it wasn’t better news for you. I wonder why they don’t just take the nodes out rather than the radiotherapy. Lots of hugs to you.

Walton, good luck with your treatment conversation tomorrow.

Tracey, tons of good luck too for you tomorrow…will be thinking of you. Let us know how it goes.

I haven’t been on the forum much for a few days because I’ve had such a roller coaster weekend. I went to see the surgeon on Friday as I had decided due to mum’s illness that I want a mastectomy. They then said that I definitely need chemo and want to start me on that while we wait for my genetic results. Then, he rang me at 9am this morning to say that the oncologists had disagreed and that I was to have a lumpectomy tomorrow after all. For the first time since this happened I cried pretty well all morning. I can cope with anything if it’s worked through properly. I even went with a friend at the weekend and bought a wig and scarves to build myself up for for the chemo. I haven’t had time to psych myself up for the operation again now. Could do without all this. Will let you know how it goes.

Lots of love, Maggie x

48

Daer Milliemum

Just found your message, wondering where you were.

I so hope all goes well with lumpectomy. You would think with all their experience they would know that one wrong word is enough to put us in turmoil never mind changing their bloody minds!! I’m thinking what to put on my bloody head. Feel really rebellious and angry this morning. Might just become a hoodie and go out doing bank jobs!!!

Waiting for the damn report now. My middle daughter used to work at the hospital as a clinic co-ordinator and she says I should ring his secretary and ask if I can pick up a copy. I feel I need this so much so I know the truth. Keep thinking was the DUCTAL bit in addition to the LOBULAR cos from what I’ve read on here I dont think you have Chemo for DCIS. Can anyone tell me different?? If thats the case Im thinking maybe there are two probs! My daughter said the same as me, that he really didnt want to show me the report. But my friend said that is probably just being a typical consultant thinking I dont need this “TOP SECRET” information. Well how wrong he will be!!!

Anyway enough about me. So much good luck and well wishes for you today. I will be thinking about you and Tracey today and keeping everything crossed for both of you.

Love Jackiexxxx

49

Hi Jaclie28

We are all legally able to have copies of all letters etc sent about us from hospitals, so you can ask to have copies of all GP letters etc!

Hope this helps

Angela

PS I am going to ask for a photocopy of my path report tomorrow so that I can bring it home and read it!

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Hey cheers Kharga for that info!!

Hope you get yours easier than I am!!

Jackiex

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Will let you know how I get on re results and copies!!

Angela

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Dear Jackie & all,

Have not long been back. MRI didn’t show anything other than 2cm Lobular lump - so I suppose it could have been worse.

I am scheduled to have lumpectomy within the next 4 weeks. They explained that if margins don’t come back clear - then I will have to have
a masectomy. If lymph nodes not clear then I will have to have auxillary node clearance. Then he said after all this I’ve got chemo and rads to look forward to - let the fun begin!! (I think not).

Oh Shit, the phone just rang - have got a cancellation for next week - do I want it - Yikessssssss

I’m gonna be right behind you with it all Jacks, think I might move into bathroom - cause I wanna go loo all the time now!!

Will be back on later

LoveTracey
xxxxxxxxxx

53

Hi Tracey

Hope you’re ok!! These appointments blow your mind each time, dont they??

My lumpectomy was probably the most straightforward bit so far. Much more stick from the armpit! Expect multicoloured bruising but only bit of discomfort relieved by paracetamol. Just had to be careful bending over, the size of my boobs!! I thought the weight might rip the stitches open, lol, no seriously, haha!! Are you going for it next week then gel??

Hey just found wicked thread re having Chemo - top tips. Bit scary all the poss side effects but they seem to have an answer for them all between them so not feeling quite so petrified!!!

Love from Jackxxxx

54

Hi Tracey

I had 2 weeks notice of my lumpectomy and found that too long - 1 week would have been better! I am glad that I have started the road to beating this b****r, having had my op on 28th July. Next hurdle is tomorrow at 11.30 (if on time!) when I get the results re clear margins, lymph node etc!!!

Angela

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Tracey - I have nothing reassuring or sensible to say but wish you all the best and hope that lymphs are clear for you.

Love

Tuesday xxx

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Hi All,

Hope you are all okay.

Tuesday - I haven’t got anything sensible to say either! don’t worry - just nice to know your’e there.

Well it looks like I will probably be having surgery next thursday - it will be better really because I won’t be able to drive straight afterwards - so I should be okay by the time kids go back to school/college.(I hope!)

Jackie, how are you feeling now? so much to take in isn’t there. Wish you lived near me and we could have our chemo together - at least we’ll be able to make each other laugh through it. Please remind me when I’m bald, bloated with my head down the toilet - that I did once have a sense of humour! Seriously though, perhaps it won’t be that bad. Why did we have to go and get this Jacks, we’ve had our share of it - go pick on some wicked B*****d that deserves it and leave us alone - I might have to join your hoody gang yet. How did hubby get on with his cyst?

I really hope Maggie has been okay today and that all went well for her. Have been thinking of her all day.

Angela, wishing you all good for tomorrow - please let us know how you get on - we will all be thinking of you.

Lots of Love
Traceyxxxxx

57

Hi everyone wanted to share my good news with you all.Results today Rads and drugs can’t believe how lucky I am.
Now I hope and pray that I can pass some of my luck on to you all and hope you all improve with your health.

58

Hi everyone!

Walton - Great news re rads and drugs.

Tracey - Hi! I’ve been thinking about Maggie today as well. Hope she’s ok! Hey one thing this b*****d cant do is take away our sense of humour its just some days its gonna go on the back burner. Said to hubby I’m sure i’d only get a caution for anything being a “middleaged respectable housewife” with a clean record,lol!! What a laf to turn bad and go for the sympathy vote if you got caught!!! Can you imagine a group of 40 something bald ladies in hoodies robbing the local banks etc, what a hoot!!!
Hubby is ok, thanks, after sitting down hospital half the night, came back and said they said he’s got to take stronger antibiotics and wait for it to reach a head and burst!!! Im telling you its that bloody big if that erupts they will be evacuating half of Leicestershire for floods - yuk!!!
I wish we could do Chemo together, we’d definitely keep each other going. Never mind we can do it on here. No post today with either copy of pathology report or appointment for Oncologist so tomorrow gonna ring consultant’s secretary and start being a nuisance!!

Jackiexxxxxx

59

Hi all

Great news!!! Tubular, grade 1, 4mm in size, clear margins, clear lymph nodes (6 taken), only rads now!!!

good luck for the rest of you who are about to go in!!

Will celebrate tonight!

Angela

60

Hi All,

Angela and Walton - so pleased you both had good news.

Really hope Maggie (Milliemum) is okay and will be back on soon.

Jackie - How you doing Mate,

Today has not been good. Woke up with a migraine and can’t get rid of it. I think it’s all the stress bought it on.
Well I am having pre-op assess on Friday, Seeing surgeon on Monday, Having dye put in on Wednesday and surgery Thursday.
Am feeling really fed up and dreading it all.

Hope all is well with you,
Love Traceyxxxx