Your mind goes into overdrive doesn’t it !
It must have been a relief to know the Ct scan was clear x
Well the breast nurse rang … my appointment is 10.30 tomorrow , she hinted it wasn’t good news and told me to bring my husband
4 Likes
Will be thinking of you tomorrow 
1 Like
@arty1 well at least you have a definite appointment, it’s tomorrow so not too long to wait, though I know it will feel like a year, it’s in the morning so you dont have to wait all day, and she phoned to tell you so you didnt have to do anything.
I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow 
1 Like
Good luck tomorrow. It is so overwhelming and your mind can take you to some dark places but please try to take it day by day and focus on what you know and what you can control. I see you have already had some great advice from others and would echo that Liz O’Riordan’s podcasts/vlogs are really helpful…and please try to stay off google. Top things that helped me to calm down: nice baths, walking (a lot!), camomile tea, just sitting and taking some deep breaths.
Soon you will have a plan and that will help you deal with this better I promise. I waited til I knew exactly what was going to happen and when before we told kids. You don’t need to do that right now if it doesn’t feel right.
Sending you lots of love xxx
2 Likes
I think I need a tranquilliser dart at the moment !
My 14 year old heard me on the phone to the breast nurse today so I had no choice but to sit her and my 20 year old down abc tell them this evening. My 20 year old took it fairly well but my daughter has cried all evening , my heart is absolutely breaking for her and I’ve no idea how to make it better
1 Like
@pat @naughty_boob Thank you both xxxx
I’m so scared I don’t want to hear what they have to say
1 Like
I’ve just read the whole of this thread as I am finding it difficult to sleep & to stop thinking about whether my cancer will recur. I’ve had a lumpectomy, excision & 5 radiotherapy sessions & been given the all clear for now. I’ve been prescribed Tamoxifen, but I can’t bring myself to take something that may give me side effects and affect my quality of life. I worry about what Tamoxifen will do to the rest of my body, even though it is supposed to help prevent cancer coming back. I feel so well at the moment not taking any medication, but then worry all the time if it comes back as secondary cancer & can’t be cured how will I feel then. The surgeries & radiotherapy are nothing compared to the mental turmoil of a recurrence that can’t be cured. Only women like us who are going through this can understand. I wish you all the best with your appointment & treatment.
3 Likes
Oh bless you. You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t scared. I thought I was going to have a heart attack whilst in the waiting room before my results as it was beating so fast! Deep breaths and do whatever you need to get you through.
I am so sorry your daughter was so upset. My eldest isn’t a dissimilar age and he cried a lot for a few days but he did calm down once he saw we were doing something proactive about it. Cuddles and reassurance as best you can. The nurses are wonderful for advice on this and I would recommend a call to Macmillan if you need any further support with talking to kids. Sending you lots of love and luck xxx
2 Likes
You can’t right now. It’s too early. My youngest daughter was 14 years old, too, when I was diagnosed. She, like you, will feel better when she knows the plan. My advice is to appear confident when you know what it is and can communicate that. Movies like to show parents admitting their fear to children but in my experience, kids don’t like that. They don’t want you to belittle their fears but they don’t want you to appear as fearful as they are either. Just say the treatment will be hard but doctors are confident you’ll be fine when it’s all over. I know you don’t feel that way right now because you can’t. You don’t even know the plan yourself. But you will soon and both of you can focus on moving on and tacking whatever this is.
2 Likes
Thinking of you today x
2 Likes
I’m so sorry - night time is always the worst time for the mind to go into overdrive sadly 
The thing I’m learning about this shitty journey is that it’s a case of just living in each day , easier said than done even when you are told you are all clear , it’s always going to be in the back of your mind wondering if it will come back .
Sending you lots of love xx
3 Likes
Oh god yes my heart feels like it’s going to pound out of my chest ! Not good when I have a serious heart problem !
Thank you for the advice , it’s such a horrible thing to have to tell our children , my daughter is frightened but I’ll give macmillan a call and get some practical advice for her x
3 Likes
It’s so hard telling older children isn’t it , it’s certainly kicked off my mum guilt too
I tried to remain confident … I think ! Told her they just need to zap the bad cells .
I told her to imagine them like all the emotions on Inside Out and that the bad cells looked like angry little Disney Pixar characters ! She did laugh when I said that , I tried to reassure her as best I could and said that I need treatment and that she doesn’t need to be scared of the word cancer . Obviously it will be better when I know exactly what I’m dealing with x
3 Likes
@arty1 sounds like you’ve done a spectacular job with telling her so far. Reassure her that you will still be able to do nice mum and daughter things even when you’re having treatment.
Thinking of you today xxx
1 Like
I would like to send a big hug you have been on quite a journey and are now on one of your own. My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer just over two years ago and probably like you as I was the key family member living and looking after her, my life has been for so long living from appointment to appointment, blood tests, scans, MRI, consultants, X rays. Treatment not working hospital stays but it is a natural part of living now. During one of her pneumonia stages and her being in hospital a mammogram appointment came up for myself, I went and did share I had a lump behind my nipple within two weeks I was invited to the assessment unit for a scan and I was asked to go into a little side room. When the consultant sat and told me she was almost hundreds per cent certain it was cancer I initially let out a little laugh. I said are you sure as had been prone to cysts before and they were drained. She started talking about treatments and biopsies and more mammograms and I couldn’t take it in. It wasn’t myself I was thinking about at the time I was more concerned about telling my sisters as we were on the cancer journey with my mum. So the biopsy journey started I went to my first and my nurse called who is absolutely fantastic called me after a MDT meeting and started talking about a masectomy as there was also calcification so gave me the option of a further biopsy to save the breast. Three biopsies on and twenty mammograms I went for a lumpectomy and lateral node biopsy on 17th June. It was a painful journey but I kept busy with work and kept focussed on my family and I got through it. I am now on letrozole which isn’t the easiest medication to take but it’s fighting to prevent cancer so the downfall is easy to cope with. I am due radiotherapy and to see my oncologist over the next month. In short this forum and my cancer nurse helped me through as I didn’t want to lean on my family so much but later learnt they felt pushed out. So share your thoughts and stay positive I feel very lucky despite the challenges of life and cancer xxx
3 Likes
She’s upset as we booked to go to a music co cert in nov , I told her if I can’t go , my grown up daughter will take her and she said … but I wanted us to go together I’ve told her that until I know my treatment, I can’t say but I told her I’ll do my best to do that concert with her even though I know deep down it’s unlikely
1 Like
It feels surreal doesn’t it when supporting a parent then suddenly it’s happening to YOU … thank goodness you went to your mammogram , I sadly missed mine and I’ve beaten myself up a lot !
I hope you are healing well from the surgery x
2 Likes
@arty1 the music concert may be possible depending on what stage you are in your treatment. If you’re having chemo then they may be able to organise things so you’re in the third week when you’re likely to feel better. My oncologist made a big point of saying - make sure you still go out and do nice things -.
I found a lump under my arm in the shower the size of a plum. I totally couldn’t believe I hadn’t felt it before. The GP immediately found a breast lump the size of a grape that i also hadnt found 
I said to the surgeon that I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed them. He said don’t beat yourself up about it and feel guilty about it.
I suppose the risk is possible infection if immunity is low , I could wear a mask though .
Blimey that’s a sizeable lump ! The sneaky little suckers seem to just appear !
I didn’t find a lump , my gp felt one but when I had the mammogram they said they didn’t see it on that one scans , it was the calcifications they were worried about . I’m assuming the cancer is hiding in there
1 Like
BCN, Maggie’s, MacMillan and other charities will support yourself and your family aswell