Terri-she is a perfect friend and there are few enough of them around. She has always been there for me and we have stuck together through thick and thin. She would never knowingly say or do anything hurtful to anyone and the best thing is I can be completely open and honest with her and if she says something I don’t like I can tell her and she never gets huffy. I think the thing I have learned through BC is that the true friendships you have are to be treasured and nurtured because those people are so special. I have lots of friends but 4 really special ones who are always there for me and I will treasure them even more from now on.
Anyway I’m off to see onc and show him my beautifully shaped head complete with fantastic hat that I look so great in it wouldn’t matter if my hair never came back. Whils I’m there I will remain calm, dignified and just a teensy bit inspirational!!!
Love Rachel x
Maybe I am just being over sensitive today, but I phoned the helpline today to express some fears. Some of them were quite serious worries, and everytime the lady answered my question she giggled for about ten seconds. Maybe its just something she does, BUT I found it really upsetting and it felt as though she wasnt taking my fears seriously.
Giggling is for something funny, or maybe gossiping, but not for serious questions from a cancer patient!
Rant over!!
Harp1970 as well as inspirational, dont forget to be brave lol
hi sgl, sorry u felt like that with the helpline. i too must have spoken to the same person cos i felt like you when i called last week. rubbish aint it when u need to talk, then u feel all uncomfortable? love and best wishes alex xxx
I am so glad that you have said the same thing, I did wonder if i was being picky, I found it really unsettling, and uncaring if I am honest with you. She should not be on the helpline if she is going to keep giggling, cancer is hardly a funny subject.
What you said about being unsettled after you’d rung the helpline struck a chord - and sorry to hear it made you feel bad. Had appt with onc specialist nurse last week before chemo - not the one I have seen before. Felt all she wanted to do was go through her checklist of SEs, then when I had a couple of things to ask her felt really dismissed (and Grr, she seemed to toss her lovely shiny hair around a lot and giggle for emphasis!)
eg me: ‘periods have stopped since FEC2 and the hot flushes have started’ (thought it was relevant as I am 8/8 ER+)
she: (quick look at my notes)‘Well, you’d be expecting that anyway at your age, wouldn’t you?’
or me ‘what are the criteria for doing scans after chemo and rads?’
she: ‘Well, we don’t go round doing scans all over the body looking for cancer, if that’s what you meant’
Be straight with me ladies, was I asking ridiculous questions?
Thanks Ninja, must admit that appointment really knocked my confidence as like to think I keep up with what’s going on - will be more assertive next time I think!!
No una, you certainly werent. Honestly, these people have no tact whatsoever!! I am the same as you though and not assertive to say something at the time.
The lady at the helpline also told me I should exercise more before chemo and try and loose some weight so it wont be so bad for me when I start to put it on! She then did the “giggle” (This was in reply to my question about how worried I was that I would put on weight)! I mean I thought of all times ths was NOT the time to start a friggin diet.
So it seems, I am definitely destined to look like Little Brittains character “Daffyd, the only gay in the village”!!
Hi All, you will like this one, having returned to work partime having mx last Nov, finished chemo end of March, still feeling tired, hair coming thru slowly, feeling fat …etc
Girl at work says nice to see you back at work you look good… Thank You
And you have lost weight… Thank You
Mind you, you must have lost about 5lb having your left breat off !!! What a bitch !! But you know every dog has it’s day !!
WHAT!!! I can’t believe anyone would ever say such a crass thing. That’s way beyond well meaning but annoying - totally out of order. I hope you gave a suitable response - even if it was only your jaw dropping on the floor.
somebody needs to tell the helpline about this giggly lady. Perhaps if one of you started a thread “has the giggler on the help line upset you?” then the administrators would pick it up.
manxcat–either that was the most tasteless joke yet, or the most vindictive thing I have ever heard. I hope she was in earshot of her collegues so that they could see what a rotten case she is.
Una, re your comment about the query with doing scans etc - I had some counselling during and after rads - I had already been diagnosed with Stage IV bone mets at the same time as my bc, but my onc chose to treat me with chemo and rads as if I were a primary and (touch wood) it seems to have been a good plan - ANYWAY, I asked this counsellor how often I could expect scans, being a Stage IV patient and naturally anxious. Her reply: “Well, you can’t expect to keep having scans just because you’re worried, can you?” No, of course not, nothing to worry about at all!!!
Manxcat - Wot a nasty nasty woman that work “mate” is. If she shaved her brain and humanity off she would still weigh the same. Ignore her … permanently!
Hello I’m the Helpline Manager at Breast Cancer Care. I wanted to let you know that your comments have been noted and are being investigated within the team. I am really sorry for any upset that has been caused by your contact with the Helpline. I’d like to reassure you that we try to ensure that people ringing the Helpline are supported in the best way possible and your feedback can help us to do this so thank you for your comments. If you’d like to give any further feedback about the Helpline please contact me on <script type=“text/javascript”>eval(unescape(‘%64%6f%63%75%6d%65%6e%74%2e%77%72%69%74%65%28%27%3c%61%20%68%72%65%66%3d%22%6d%61%69%6c%74%6f%3a%72%6f%73%65%2e%73%74%6f%6e%65%40%62%72%65%61%73%74%63%61%6e%63%65%72%63%61%72%65%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%22%3e%72%6f%73%65%2e%73%74%6f%6e%65%40%62%72%65%61%73%74%63%61%6e%63%65%72%63%61%72%65%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%3c%2f%61%3e%27%29%3b’))</script>.
Can I ask what people what they think to the term “beating cancer”? We here the terms “lost the battle” or “fought it and won”. I am getting probably too sensitive about it, but surely beating and losing implies that we did or didn’t work hard. If for some awful reason, despite my positivity, I don’t survive this cancer am I a loser? Did I not work hard enough to stay alive. I just don’t get it, and I am beginning to hate the cliche comments. I have a friend on Facebook who’s partner has cancer, and she is always asking us to fight with him. Even more she puts the chain type status up asking us to post the same status to remember the cancer fighters and those that have won and lost.
Am I being unreasonable and sensitive. I am writing this having been to bed and woken up In a sweat feeling panicky about first chemo on friday, and worried if I have enough fight to “beat it”
any advice out there for a stressed out insomniac tonight?
I’m not a soldier, I’m a hippy stylee pacifist, actually, and I hate the while fighting comments, too.
I’m just struggling/muddling along as best as I can, trying to keep living.
I lost a friend to stomach cancer, she wasn’t a weak soldier, she just had a very aggressive, incurable cancer. To suggest that she wasn’t fighting, when she had 2 small children to leave behind, is grossly insulting.
Roses, thank you very much for responding so directly, this is another example of how BCC is so very supportive, we really appreciate it.
Fighting? Nah, I’m just doing my darndest to get on with my life, and I think a lot of whether I survive or not is so far outside my control that I’m just going to call it “luck”.
Regarding “fighting” - a friend of mine who’s a palliative care consultant says that fighting is unhelpful imagery, and that there is evidence to show that those who are “at peace” (in whatever way we can be) do better. Reckon that’s at peace within yourself… with your God if you have one… with whatever… I guess that the fighting imagery allows us to feel that we’re “doing something” - only we’re doing that by hanging on in there and going through all this rubbish because there’ll hopefully be a benefit for the rest of our lives… of whatever length… If anyone told me to keep fighting, I think it might be them I fought!!! Jane
I must have a weird sense of humour… the weekend before my MX I was lamenting to my OH that I’d not been eating properly for a few weeks and I’d not lost a pound… he quipped “you will on Monday” (op. day) - and I fell about… but I don’t know how this lady said it to you…