So that means that he DOESN’T have the same as you. I’ve had someone with cancer of the throat (not sure what or where, I switched off when she was talking at me) offering to be an ear. I DON’T NEED AN EAR! If I want to talk about this, I’ll choose who I talk to, thanks all the same.
I haven’t had many silly comments from anyone recently, I think people have got used to it and don’t feel the need to say anything, because they can see that I don’t NEED anyone to say something to me. Peace (relatively speaking) at last.
I was a regular dancer - Scottish and ladies garland, so I was used to energetic dancing twice a week. Tell your SiL, I managed to shuffle round the block - made myself - the first few days after chemo. No way did I have enough energy for dancing until well after chemo finished. I worked hard at getting my stamina back and I’d say it was a good 4 months after the last one before I was anything like ready to dance. I walked every day and gradually increased speed and distance. Put your names down for next year. - hopefully you will be fine by then.
midge chemo goes in the same place no matter where the cancer is… its an intravenous therapy… maybe he was just trying to gross you out or something.
i was at my OHs work dance a couple of years ago and this obnoxious old guy asked me to dance and his wife was dancing with OH so to be polite i agreed… he then asked me to my face ‘why are your tits so tiny!!!’ he thought he was being funny till i told him id had big lumps chopped out due to breast cancer… he went extremely pale and rushed away with the wife who kept coming over every 5 mins to apologise profusely for his tw*tishness.
SGL i could barely walk the length of myself during chemo think dancing is a bit ambitious… you may feel ok the first time but as the chemo builds up and you get more tired and feel a bit crapper it probably would feel more like torture than fun.
OMG Lulu, how rude! But I can’t see anything remotely well meaning in that comment! Serve him right if you’d made a “size-ist” comment about some part of his anatomy…
That really is a vile thing to say to anyone. I dont know how you didnt stamp on him
( btw intravesical (sp?)chemo is what it is called when it goes straight into the bladder, apparently it is a unique way of treating bladder cancer- but he probably did want to gross me out, because it was information i didnt need)
SGL - re dancing, I certainly wouldn’t advise you to sign up and pay for a course in advance because you don’t know how you’ll feel, but if you’re interested in having lessons and pay by the session, you might manage. We’ve been going to ballroom and Latin lessons (run by a dance school in Beckenham),one hour a week, for the last two years. I surprised myself by managing to carry on throughout my treatment (wle, SNB, 4 cycles of Taxotere and Cyclophosphamide and five weeks of rads), usually just missing one class each cycle. I had the chemo on the day of the class and was usually able to go to that one as the se’s didn’t set in until a couple of days later. My treatment wasn’t all plain sailing, I had two spells in hospital.
The friends we go with told the rest of the group of my diagnosis when they asked where we were and everyone has been extremely kind and supportive. Had to take a deep breath the first night I walked in wearing the wig, but other women complimented me on my “new hairstyle”. Most people miss classes now and then so it’s no problem. I found it gave me something to look forward to, took my mind off things for an hour and helped me feel normal again. You can’t think about bc when you’re concentrating on the Tango! The teachers are fantastic and we have a lot of fun. Pm me if you’d like to know more.
Love Loula
My mother never fails to disappoint with the annoying comments (not always so well meaning either). I took her out for lunch last Sunday as I was feeling a bit guilty about not doing much for her during my chemo. I was desperate for a nice roast dinner so thats what I ordered. When it came she said “Look at the size of that dinner. No wonder you can’t lose weight!” I bit my tongue so as not offend!
Last night she rung and asked if I’d been to work this week. Bearing in mind I had the last of 4TAX last Tuesday. I said no and she said “Oo haven’t you? I don’t know how you get away with it!” I did slightly explode at this point and explained that I’m not just pulling a fast one, I actually don’t have the energy to do anything let alone go to work!
Grrrr I just wish she would TRY and understand how I feel sometimes but I suppose you can’t change the habit of a lifetime!
I think its really hard for people that have never had cancer to understand the feelings we have or how totally rubbish we feel. When we say we’re tired and exhausted, others just see it as the tired that they feel - no comparison. I’ve often been accused of ‘swinging the lead’ … because most folk only see me on my good days when I look pretty damn good!
I agree - have been in the office all week this week, after mostly working from home, and have had nothing but comments on how well and fit I seem to be, with the obvious implication of “why aren’t you here more often?”. Well it is an hours drive to the office from home, then back again at night, and they don’t see me exhausted when I get in, and unable to do anything but curl up on the sofa for the evening, and rest. I am still having chemo, and though I have been reasonably ok recently, I am far from recovered! I have been tired today at work after having chemo yesterday and forgetting to take my steroids this morning, but my colleage has not been able to comprehend that I am not feeling anywhere near as sharp as normal today.
Also saw a guy at work today that I have not seen for about six months - his first comment was “you’ve changed”!!
Well yes - I am fatter, have no eyebrows or lashes, and am wearing a wig that (to me at least) looks like a dead rat on my head…
I get really annoyed by peoples health advice that i haven’t asked for.
And comments like “well I supposed you’ll have to lose weight now”
(Yes thankyou for that, like I haven’t noticed I’m fat)
and how weight contributes as a factor to getting BC (My fault then)
these comments mostly come from people who have a totally sh*t diet but don’t put loads of weight on or perhaps dont eat as much as me but still, they eat sh*t.
and “you’ll have to start exercising you know, after treatment”
People can’t WAIT to tell me that I need to be slim, sporty and teetotal at every opportunity. I normally retort with a “yes, I’m aware of the lifestyle factors thanks and I have plans for when I’ve got more energy”
Then I get Ally McBeal style mental flashes of smacking said person in the gob.
PS. I’m suprised I have any friends left, everyone has at least said one stupid dumb thing to me at some point. So if I struck them off the list I’d be very lonely I think most people forget because I’m by nature quite thick skinned and blunt that I can take the comments. Some stick with me.
I wore my wig to see one friend about a month after I’d shaved my head, I told her in advance and then I said “do you want to see me bald” so she said “go on then”. Now I’d told her that I didn’t like myself bald and thought I looked really butch and horrible.
So she has this look of horror on her face when I take off the wig, stares at me for ages and then said “I dont like it”. And I said “well, I dont like it either”. But that stuck with me more than the people saying it suited me, that I was brave or anything else. It hurt and I know she didn’t mean it as such, she was being honest and she thought it’s cos I was upset about it not suiting me.
I agree with you Norberte.
I had been protecting my 89 year old Mother from knowing quite how bad I’ve been feeling because I didn’t want to worry her. Consequently she had no understanding of chemo (I didn’t before BC either!)
Eventually I took her a BCC leaflet and said “I think you need to read this” because I couldn’t talk to her about it.
It’s worked - SHE phones ME more often and doesn’t keep asking why I can’t keep going to see her.
I agree about culling the address book. One friend I’ve known for years
e-mailed me a photo of herself doing the Race for Life, pretty in pink, had a lovely time with her girly friends, my name round her neck - doing it for me…!!!
Also when I said I’d arranged to have someone to help with my housework: “Oh, I could have done that for you” Grrrrrr
However some strangers have been really kind, like the hairdressers I went into to get my hair shaved off -wouldn’t take any money.
A colleague at work who’s looking after my job full time whilst I’m not there (I’m working part time at home), said ‘it must make you rethink your whole life when something like this happens. And if you don’t want to come back to work, I’m more than happy to take over your job’! I was totally speechless.
Angielav-I’m speechless! What an awful thing to say. My colleague who’s teaching my class keeps telling me to hurry back because she says she’s not doing as good a job as me. I know this isn’t true as she’s a great teacher but it does make me feel wanted.
I think most people forget because I’m by nature quite thick skinned and blunt that I can take the comments. Some stick with me.