so what bit of “I’ve got cancer and there are other things more important to me right now” did the guy on my doorstep trying to sell me sky tv not understand? Even when I told him I had cancer, he said “well you’ll really appreciate having satellite tv and being able to watch all those channels”… No Sale!!
Does ‘nothing’ count.
Got email from somebody who was quite close friend but we now live in different countries. Her son died a few years back and I did my best to be a friend through that. We drifted apart but she still sends a very occasional holy chain email that I just ignore. The latest email though was to tell me about her first grandchild. Great news I said, hope you and yours are all doing well I say, and while I’m on, I’ve got BC - doing fine really, had all the surgery and treatment, but still…
Email I got back was about grandchild with photos. Not a thing about me having BC. Still a bit gobsmacked. Two weeks later, still nothing. Maybe she didn’t read that bit.
Don’t think I’ll send a christmas card this year.
Doesn’t come under the category of well-meaning either.
S
Hi ElKat
I agree that to be continually told to stay positive is v annoying - the trouble is that some studies have shown that there is a basis for it being true!
abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=117317&page=1
highlighthealth.com/research/the-link-between-positive-psychology-and-cancer-survival/
As always, there are other views that say it is bunkum!
guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/02/cancer-positive-thinking-barbara-ehrenreich
cbsnews.com/stories/2007/10/22/health/webmd/main3393759.shtml
Take your pick! (depending of course on how positive you feel at the time!)
Dx
ElK, depending on mood, I have been known to respond to that one with seven letters. Three of them are F, and there are two vowels. Followed by an exclamation mark.
Hi. Told my daughters hair dresser (obviously I don’t need one at the moment!!) that cancer now in my lungs. She smiled nd said ‘well you will have to give up your 20 a day habit now’!!! I’ve never had a single smoke in my life!! I explained it is breast cancer in my lungs but she said ‘oh well, the chemo worked last time’ AAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!
Sadie Xx Xx
The other day my MIL (who has been great) sat in my living room as i sat curled up in the sofa with a blanket and announce how tired she was… I decided not to point out that i had only slept for abot 3 hours that night. Buts its ok cos shes now on a nice holiday!. Seriously though I know she knows that I’m not sleeping well et.c but at that time I was too tired to care that she was!
The other day someone said to me “your hair looks really great now, don’t grow it any longer… you look so much younger than before… so much more trendy…”
I know they meant well but actually having reached the age I am with very long hair before all this stuff was for a reason - I liked it long.
I’m sure I do look more “with it” now, and I suspect my hair now looks as if I’d spent more on it than in the previous twenty years but even so…
I opted not to punch his lights out, but it will be ME who decides if or when to get my (still very short, and now very wavy) locks trimmed.
Oh, and there’s the sweet old lady at church who says “God has given you curly hair, it’s a miracle”… er no, it’s called damaged follicles actually! But I love her dearly so I let her off.
How about the Jehovah Witnesses that won’t leave me alone. They were pleasant enough but kept calling round to see how I was. As I was having chemo (and then rads) I asked them to please stop coming round as I was too ill. Even when I staggered to the door one day, feeling sick, white as a sheet, face gaunt, turban on my bald head and asked them to stop calling round they tried to keep me talking at the door in the freezing cold. And no they didn’t stop. My neighbour then tore them off a strip and told them not to call round anymore. That worked, well it did for a year and a half. Couldn’t believe it when I saw them approaching my front door again last week…
what did you do Elinda?..
It was really weird becuase I heard the doorbell ring and didn’t answer. Usually I always answer the door. It was like I had a sixth sense and then I looked out the window and saw them. As I’m now prepared for their return, and feeling so much stronger emotionally I will tell them to leave me alone, next time they call!
They can be a pain can’t they. Even telling them I’m a minister of another variety, that yes I read the Bible etc etc doesn’t work in getting rid of them. Most of the ones I meet are lovely, earnest people but I must admit I’m a coward and I hide if I see them approaching!
(edited)
I realise there may be some people on this site who are Jehovah Witnesses and I don’t want to offend or disrepsect them, so I’ve removed my more flippant remarks.
Some people on here may be cold-callers for uPVC barge boards and soffits, but that won’t let it stop me saying how annoying it is when they won’t take no for an answer…
Evangelical religious believers or salesman for plaggy gutters; insistent sales people who are abrasive in their refusal to take ‘no’ for an answer are simply too much to bear when one is ill and feeling horrid.
Hi all. If I get anyone trying to sell me anything on my doorstep or want to convert me I just tell them I am the babysitter and must go to change a nappy!If I get a cold call I say that I live in rented accomodation.strangely no one is interested anymore. Not sure my 3 teens are too happy about the nappy excuse though! Love to you all.x
I got really annoyed yesterday. My OH’s best mate was talking about someone he works with who has been diagnosed with bone cancer, he’s 27 and has been given 2 years to live.
I said to him “god that’s awful the poor bloke” and he says “I know it is isn’t it, it’s not a little thing like your breast thing, he’s going to die”
I said “Oh, it’s a little thing is it? I could still have it come back and it is CANCER”
Good grief. Well his OH looked really embarrased. When they’d gone I fumed at my OH about “oh just a little thing like breast cancer then, so no chemo, no rads, no 5 years of f*cked hormones, no fertility, just a little thing”
My OH said he cringed when his mate said that, but said he didn’t mean it like that, that’s he’s a bit of a knob when it comes to tact.
Well no sh*t.
at the post office the other day we were discussing the fact that I would be having chemo, and one of the ladies piped up “oh, it’s not that bad, all you do is sit in a room of women and chat”!!. I was going to reply but decided against it, after all I need to use the post office and I thought they might have banned me for bad language.
Cancer treatment is basically a free coffee morning then… never thought of it like that.
Ahhhh…so that’s why we all have been through hell with diagnosis, surgery, loss of sanity, hair and all the cr@p that goes with chemo…to go to a free coffee morning!..is it me?..
Well, lets put it to the test then. Anyone for a coffee morning? Starting this week, continuing for the rest of your life. Chemo which strips you of everything that makes you human, never mind female, radiotherapy that basically cooks you, and then the constant fear of recurrence, hormone crap, the ‘us’ no longer being ‘us that we knew before’. Family life different for ever. Oh yes, I see the queue for this coffee morning has suddenly diminished.
Really the things people say indeed!!! J.
I was at the hospital last Friday for my reflexology appointment which is actually in a room just alongside the chemo ward sat chatting with my husband when in came a couple he did look poorly and was waiting for his treatment when the wife leaned over to ask in a whisper “So what cancer have you got?” Think my very short hair gave the game away despite hubby having none! So I told her “Breast cancer”, not whispering after all why??? She replied with “It’s the best kind to get you know!”. My poor husband squeezed my hand to stop me but I just could not help it when I told her it’s not pick’n’mix you know you don’t get to choose and cancer is cancer!!! You would think with a husband who was obviously quite ill she would have been more understanding! That’s me back in the naughty corner but honestly it was so crass! Coffee morning in the naughty corner anyone?
When I had such a long wait between GP and Breast clinic, then clinic and diagnosis/ operation. The comment I heard several times was “Oh well, if they were worried about it they would have had you right in!”
Not helpful when I was already so aware that I had a much slower service than some of my friends!
People simply don’t know what to say. I think an attempt at reassurance can easily come across as trite. Hope I manage to hold that thought when dealing with others!