Judes,
I was utterly hair obsessed- nearly stroked people’s hair in the tube etc never actually did… I wore a wig which fooled some people but didn’t fool me, wouldn’t have fooled another wig wearer. She might go off and get a better wig now and thereby feel better about herself.
I just remember the times I haven’t got it right with other people and it is still happening.Forgive yourself as well as the others
It is so hard to strike the right note even for us sometimes!
However, my daughter certainly failed this morning when she said that I looked like Valdemort (sp?) from Harry Potter. If I’d had Valdemort’s powers she would be zapped into oblivion right now. BBB
thanks chocciemuffin and lavenderlady. i think i was hoping she was on this forum and would appear and say don’t worry it’s fine. still wanting absolution! i’ll have to find it in being more patient when my friends say stupid things.
BBB i’d say you’re daughter’s on dangerous terrain.
x
My little boy said to me “Mammy your hair is really coming in now but it is a bit grey” i replied yes is it and i quite like it he replied with " oh mammy it is just like an old lady’s" !!!
Well grey comes to most of us and mine has come quicker than most!
thanks to BC! But who am i to complain at least i am still here.
Everybody’s different of course, but had I been the lady on the tube your comment Judes wouldn’t have upset me.
I always wear a wig when out - don’t go out very often as Tax has curbed my socialising, most of my ‘outings’ are to the Oncology Unit and I find myself staring at other ladies, and I’m conscious other ladies stare at me, we do it as we KNOW there will be lots of ‘wigged’ heads. I am always surprised by how some, actually most wigs look natural and do comment to my husband/daughter “I wouldn’t have had a clue that was a wig, only know because of where I am”. Had you been taking a tube to Oxford Street to go shopping and the same lady was sat opposite you probably wouldn’t have realised she was wearing a wig, the only reason you knew when travelling to the Haven was because you expected fellow BC suffers to be on the train. Maybe the lady after reflection has recognised you were a BC patient acknowledging a BC patient. Don’t beat yourself up.
Another stoopid comment from my ‘on another planet mother’
Went to see her and mentioned i was having hickman line putting in tuesday as my veins are now damaged, went to show her but before she even looked properly she said ‘oh yes thats like my veins’ er what?? have you had chemo through your veins…er NO!
But Clare, they didn’t have needle-exchange schemes when she was young, so maybe her viens *are* all shot up and she never told you… LOL… now you can smile something silly next time she says it and she will have no idea why you think it’s so funny.
According to the bible, Grey hair is a crown of splendour and is a reward for righteous living. It’s in the book of Proverbs. So nerrr. Although there’s a slight problem here -
Standing with a group of ‘school mums’ and they were all winging about what it will be like to grow old and how horrid it will be - i just wish I was going to grow old! (not sure this fits the ‘well meaning’ bit of the thread title - but it was annoying!!)
Sadie Xx Xx
As I’ve just posted on another thread it reminded me of the time when in the winter last year I wore a lovely fur hat to cover my tufts. I thought I looked very Dr Zhivago’ish and had many compliments, until a man (who knew I’d had chemo) said when I revealed my own hair, “You’ve not got your teacosy on now, then??”
How. Totally. Rude.
Ami, I know the answers we think of afterwards can be (a) too flipping late, or (b) too rude to say even if you think of them on time, but they can at least make us grin as we nod and smile at others who make similarly inappropriate comments later.
To yours, I’d say “I can take my hat off, but you’re still an ignorant [insert expletive].”
I know it’s not likely to be something you’d actually say, but it can give that “inner smile” as you just nod and give the mental middle finger, and being that kind of person I find it VERY helpful to think of the particularly insulting mental ripostes I might come out with if only I had the guts. Failing that, a “Paddington Bear” look can say more than words.
Growing old is a lot better than the alternative.
oooh… what’s a “Paddington Bear look” like? sounds great! Jane
Paddington Bear used to give people a very severe STARE. Sometimes looks can say so much more than words…
A Mr Spock “raised eyebrow” can sometimes have a similar effect, particularly if paired with an unimpressed expression on your face. Best if you’re able to keep the deadpan look as the person on the receiving end squirms excruiciatingly.
No, I am NOT a very nice person. };-D
Hey CM I think you’re brilliant. I’ve tried both the ‘STARE’ and the ‘Mr. Spock’ on numerous occasions for different reasons. They even work on my dog!!!
Jan, I’m rarely restrained enough for either the “Paddington” or the “Spock”.
I’m afraid I tend to bite back at the “so you’re cured now” comments and the “well BC is the best one to have” comments and the “I’m sure you’ll be fine” comments and the “if anyone’s going to get it it’s better that it’s someone as positive as you” comments (how the person who said that to me escaped without a black eye I will never know!)
What I try to remember is that people who actually bring it up with me aren’t dealing with it the whole day like I am. So unless I think they’re being a bit patronising (sadly too many) then I try a bit of gentle education, and thank them for their concern. Unless I’ve had a particularly bad day inside my head, in which case they get it with both barrels!
Like I’ve said in another post this evening, I am not a nice person *(and sometimes that can be fun!) (A bit difficult to type with new post-chemo treat fingernails and a bottle of two of beer, but still fun when delivering the “Paddington Bear” stare.)
Judes
I wouldn’t worry, I have spent my entire life dropping clangers and haven’t had the excuse of ‘chemo-head’ for at least 41years!
I was on the receiving end of something similar - I was at the chemo clinic where Obviously you play ‘spot the wig’. Mine was very long with a fringe and pretty realistic. I caught sight of a bloke (about 20) saying to his mum"Is that a wig?" (nodding in my direction). To which I mouthed across “YES It Is!” Result: A very embarrassed chap and a very gleeful (albeit in a very devilish way) me! He was mortified! I, on the other hand, was delighted; one with my wig standing up to scrutiny, and two for the discomfort he was feeling!!
Xx
I have perfected a stare too CM. I nipped into my old place of work the other day, just before I was due to have my mx. One of my ex colleagues said’ I bet you’re enjoying your retirement '… The stare came in very handy!
X Sarah
So my American (US) step-sister called last evening and said, “I’m so glad you’re getting chemotherapy, I thought they might not have it in England!”
I’m also an American, married to a Brit and living over here 13 years now. The only thing better than the BBC is the NHS (in my opinion), both of which make up for all the rain rain rain (Manchester way).
I was so gobsmacked I couldn’t think of anything to say, but it has given me a laugh. (I will say she is an idiot, my other sisters were as startled as I was.)
Kathy
Fancy thinking there was no chemotherapy in the UK!!! Very bizarre.
Know what you mean about wig-watching, I’m always amazed at how many people at the onc unit don’t go bald, surely it’s the one place you can be yourself?!! For my second chemo cycle I went in bald (it was still very warm) and I was the ONLY one there. In a waiting room of around 100 people, I will see maybe only 2 or 3 ladies wearing a hat or scarf.
One thing that strikes a chord is the “well if you’re going to get cancer, breast cancer’s a good one to get, the cure rate is very high” comment - I cannot tell you how many people have said that. What can you say in reply? It doesn’t make you feel any better does it?