Vodka, I think I can explain that one because I heard it a lot when I had young children and a seriously messy house. it actually means don’t be fussing over housework and just take care of yourself. It seems to have got a bit detached from context in your elderly neighbour’s mind!
It really is meant to be a caring comment.
Love,
Kathleen
I agree
I’ve heard that quite a lot especially from older generations and it is basically saying put yourself and your health before the upkeep of bricks and mortar
One of those examples of a well meaning but easily misunderstood comment
xx
Cross over from BENCHLAND thread:
A friend told me I should have opted for mastectomy, as everyone she knows who had WLE had a recurrence and died!!!
Someone else has told me she hates HER boobs and doesn’t understand what the fuss is about.
Grumpy (very…)
WHAT???
Just read your post on Benchland then saw this, wow what a pair of nuts some people really take your breath away with their stupidity but you certainly gave a great response xx
This wasnt actually well meaning but not certain where else to post this…i have french lessons with a group of other english people. Last week it appears the teacher told one of the other women on the course that she has a problem with me and my friend offered to tell me this. I have e mailed the teacher to ask what the problem is but with no reply. She knows I am undergoing treatment for bc.It might be that I am just a lousy pupil! If I were in school I’m the type who would be separated from my friends for talking and sent to the Headteacher at least once a week.However it might be that because i feel quite tired by the time i get to the lessons that i do not participate fully, often having to duck out of the verbal exercises and sometimes getting the homework wrong…i also have said when we had to use the word ‘deteste’ said ‘Je deteste les lecons francaises’ which was meant as a joke! However when my friend told me I went into melt down - cried for hours …still feeling really weepy today.
thanks for listening…sorry if i posted it in the wrong place
Mary M
I went to see my surgeon last week as I still have an open wound where I had to have my tissue expander removed because of infection.
He had a quick look at it and then said “I’ll tell you what, we’ll give you an open appointment and you just ring up and come back when you think it’s better” WHAT?! Isn’t that their job to tell me? Shall I do my own reconstruction while I’m at it?
I’ve now asked to be referred to a different surgeon. Am I being unreasonable?
Echoooo What???to your post Grumpy some people are ultra insensitive I did mention on here about a friend that said something similar about her step mother who had BC she said “my stepmothers not very nice thats probably why she got BC” she told me this at the time I was dx!!! was she implying that I in some way was bad thats why I got it, the said step mother sadly died shortly after my dx. The same insensitive friend said whilst I was going through chemo and my periods stopped (now in menopause) “Oh your so lucky you don’t have periods anymore mine are a nightmare”!!! I’d give anything to go back to having periods and being normal again. I think this particular friend just doesn’t realize what she is saying at the time she said the offensive things I was so stressed out going out of my mind with worry and thinking I was gonna die it took a while for me to really grasp the full impact of what she had said also was going through chemo and we all know what a mash up that is on the old grey matter, I have managed to bite my lip so far with her BUT next time she say’s anything out of order I will pull her up on it and point out her insensitivity. I can forgive but find it hard forgetting.
Love to all
sarahlouise xx
Foot in mouth disease. Maybe improved by shoving your foot in their mouth for a change…
…while wearing steel toe-caps…
Or having trodden in something nasty…
Ladies - saw my GP today, a very serious young man except when he’s at a village ‘do’ where he mucks in with everyone bless him.
During our chat he said ‘you MUST take care of yourself’
Er yes that’s what I’ve been doing for 2 years…
He ran the local FunRun in a pink tutu to raise funds for breast cancer research so I can forgive him anything!!! and then he wore the tutu to do surgery later that day…
xxxx to you all
My sister in law is a hairdresser… I went to see her last night as she’s just had an op… my hair is growing, but it’s curly now…
says she “I don’t like your hair” LIke, I do? Like, I can do anything about it? And then I remembered that when I got the wig she said “it’s the wrong shade, they shouldn’t have allowed you to choose that one”… hello! I’ve got to wear this for the next 5 months!
*smiles sweetly* and says nothing… Jane
Well it must be mutual, you’re a hairdresser and my hair doesn’t like you either, you vicious scissor-wielder you, so nerrrr.
or, Sweet smile, well it was NHS, since i can’t afford to go private and “have my colours done”(!) but nice of you to offer to come with me when i had to choose. NOT.
I reckon her nose is just out because the new hair is curling without her permission, which as you know could cut her profits.
@Grumpy: I’m really liking the mental image of your GP at the surgery in a pink tutu LOL. People wear all sorts of strange stuff at events, but it’s a bit different and very brave doing it back at work out of context. Good man! Must admit I drove home from a “do” a few weeks back looking rather out of character and praying i wouldn’t pull up to a red light and find myself next to a police car!!!
At the last village ‘do’ - the sixties quiz night - said GP wore a bubble wig, a droopy holey sweater and his med school scarf.
I do know what he means about taking care of myself - I have this inability to say ‘NO’ when folk ask me to ‘help out’ and I shall have to cure myself of it. After all, I’ve got two little dogs to take care of as well, and they are SO loving.
So he is forgiven!!!
grumpy ( and getting cheerier each day - thank you all)
This comment wasnt so much annoying as - well Im sure it was pprobably well-meaning. But hrmph it left me mildly astonished and stumped for a reply:
I was in the shop buying essentials - dunno, a roll and chocolate I expect - and about to pay, and the assistant says, I like your support.
So i look round but no, alas there’s no fan club behind me, (there never is, and never has been) she is looking at my sleeve.
Really?? She LIKES an aggressively new american-tan mediven NHS survived-cancer got-the-teeshirt ihateyouLE sleeve?? I mean, it wasn’t even a posh Lymphodivas special that you could mistake for an elaborate tattoo or finest lace, or a souvenir of the day you got to shake hands with the Queen, or even leopoard print or psychedlic colours with glow in the dark obscenities, no it’s very definitely standard NHS issue medical equiment, it is not in any way glam or admirable.
I held back from, "You must be kidding it’s altogether hateful and gross just like false boobs and everything else that comes in the wake of BC (exaggerating a bit, but remember i needed my choc ration!) and settled for a very lowkey mumbled thankyou. I would have normally responded to “I like your…(blouse)” with something gracious like - It’s a present from my XYZ, or I got it in HHH, it was only £2.99, or Yes my lovely friend knitted it etc. I managed a measly thankyou and focussed on paying for my items and escaping. So then with my change I get, “and Have a lovely afternoon with…” she couldn’t bring herself to say <that> as she stares at it again. Like i’m going on a picnic?? or do i have a pet snake on my wrist rather than a bit of support stocking?</that>
Aaargh. hide in dark room, eat chocolate, be glad it’s not the local corner shop that i depend on when i get the late night munchies.
Have a lovely afternoon, yeah right just me and lymphoedema. Swap it for Prince Harry any day…
Prince Harry??? obviously an age thing… I’ve asked for Clint Eastwood for Christmas for YEARS.
I think the time has come for us all to stop holding back - we have a duty to be true to ourselves and to educate the rest of the world about breast cancer in all its forms, stages and treatment regimes.
When I had appalling PMT I decided to talk about it - in a non-judgemental, non-preachy way - to help educate other people and counteract some of the mystique and misconceptions. And it was liberating for me, and for others.
Cancer happens, and it’s horrid, not us the disease.
end of sermon - sorry if i’ve had a rant
grumpy
xxxx to all ladies out there
I think I’ve worked it out … when folk say stupid things, I am going to reply as follows:
‘One of the interesting things about having breast cancer is how even kind and intelligent people manage to say the wrong/stupid/hurtful thing’ then pause for the penny to drop.
Sometimes it’s just not worth engaging with them and getting even more upset.
g
xx
Bless, my lovely, lovely mum.
Whenever I try to explain to her how sh**ty I feel due to fatigue keeps on saying ‘well you are at a funny age!’. Now the thing is I’m 45 and she’s been saying it for 10 years (only had cancer dx 7 months ago). Bless.
She does not know how much I bristle. I couldn’t dream of telling her!
I have to confess that most of the “keep positive” and “you look well” comments don’t really bother me and I’m equally guilty of trotting them out to other people too - oops!
What does stick in my throat is my well-meaning sister-in-law who keeps comparing my treatment etc. with her prolapse. Now I know that it was traumatic for her and that she needs to be careful about exercise and has to suffer the indignity of using stool-softener but IT’s NOT THE SAME! I know she’s trying to empathise but it just drives me crazy.
I also mentioned recently that if I feel really s**t during the first week of chemo I’m likely to just relax at home and tell people I’m not up for visitors. She said that’s probably the time she needs to come round and drag me out for coffee to make me put a face on for the world?!? Now, call me self-centred if you will but I think I’m entitled to mope at home in self-pity if I want to. Her argument is that friends who’ve been through similar have had young children and have had to keep going. Sorry, I don’t (my kids are grown-up) so why can’t I slob round in my PJs if I want to?
Feel much better getting that off my chest!
Emma :o)
Emma
That’s the very time that you NEED to slob around in PJs and ferret yourself away in your own nest.
Doesn’t she know about the reduced WBCs and the risk from infections.
I ended up in isolation with a simple bout of oral thrush. Couldn’t eat, drink, or speak. The ulcers kept moving from side to side in my mouth.
I had the nurse going one day when the AB’s were put up. I asked if he could hang the bag on the other side of the hook, as the ABs were only going down one side of my body and I’d like to clear up the infection on the other side. He started to react to my request until he thought about it.
Think I was starting to improve then. LOL
Love and Hugs
June