Emma, feel free to use seven letters in your response, three of which are F!!! 
I “bumped into” a clinical psychologist yesterday who works alongside our palliative care team… her closing remark to me was along the lines of “the good thing about getting cancer is that it makes you think of what you really want to do with life, because it’s shorter” !!! Thank God the lovely BCN was there! Stupid woman! (not the BCN!) Jane
Jane, that has just ghasted my flabber ( and I still have too much flabber) what a real WTF moment, what did the BCN say? What did you say? or did you express yourself otherwise!
Before retirement I worked in a University Library, my daughter is employed in the same library. My dau was asked by a colleague ‘how’s your mum enjoying her retirement?’, dau replied ‘she was having a lovely time until she was diagnosed with breast cancer’, the colleague said ‘isn’t it strange how many staff retire and die soon after’.
Lavender - that was her closing remark as she walked away… I had already challenged what she said several times in the conversation… BCN looked at me and said “I think we’d better sit down, come over here…” and we had a lovely chat and I vented
Libsue - just great, isn’t it??? Best not oblige if you can help it eh?
Really, it’s mind-blowing sometimes…
This is about something someone did, rather than said.
I went to get my bloods done at my local GPs surgery. I sat in the nurse’s waiting room which already had a number of people waiting. I sat on a chair with an empty chair either side of me. A man came in to the room and looked around, weighing up where to sit. As there weren’t many options he had to sit next to me. Although there was already a space of about 2 feet between our chairs, he picked up the chair and moved it further away from me, towards the man sitting on the other side of him. Then when the man got up to go to his appointment the man next to me got up and moved chairs to be even further away from me.
I’m sure he would realise I was a cancer patient. I’m not sure what his problem was - I don’t smell and I don’t think I look that dreadful - but I was very tempted to tell him he couldn’t catch cancer from sitting next to me. I noticed a lady sat across from us was watching the goings, she looked as though she was also wondering what his problem was.
Perhaps I’m a little over-sensitive at the moment?
Flori35
He’s a man and they can’t ‘do’ illness, and they certainly can’t talk to anyone who looks a bit poorly. And they hate sitting next to ANY woman anywhere cos they are scared they might have to chat about something, just like women can do with each other in such social situations. They think it’s safer to sit next to another bloke cos then they don’t have to engage socially. They can just nod and grunt.
So no, you’re not being OVER-sensitive, you have HEIGHTENED senses about how people behave, you are more acute in picking up body language etc in other people, and most of all I guess you feel a bit fragile, like we all do during this process.
Chin Up!!
grumpy
xx
Jane, Flori, and I’m sure someone else mentioned ghasted flabbers, I’m tripping over the flabbers.
O. M. G.
What else is there to say!
Hi Grumpy and ChoccieMuffin - it’s nice to be able to share such experiences with people who understand.
Hi Flori35 do you think if you had moved your chair around in a musical chairs sort of way he would have got it? How very strange some people are and fear does make them behave in an odd way!I was asked on my way to work by a social worker who hadn’t seen me for two years and had been told (small town gossip!) so she asked how I was (acceptable) I replied with the usual I am fine thank you when she hit me with her sledgehammer! Is your prognosis good? before I had chance to muster myself she continued with have you put your affairs in order? Well I am a happy go lucky sort of person as a rule and do give people the benefit of the doubt but my wicked gremlin came from nowhere and said “yes thank you but then I am in a better state than you when was the last time you had a mammo? After all I get regular checks!”, Have you seen the road runner when he wheels with his legs on the spot? That’s what she reminded me of and do you know she has crossed the road twice since hmmm methinks she does not want to speak to me ??? No idea why?
Fairly new to this and I’m sure there will be a lot more, I was only diagnosed 4 days ago and already I am annoyed at people saying ‘you can do this, you’re a fighter’ and ‘stay positive’. Urgh! I’ve already been called ‘brave’ and I haven’t had anything done yet! I’m not brave at all, I am absolutely terrified of what lies ahead. I’m a fighter? No I’m not! Do you even know me at all??? I have lost 3 friends in 3 years through cancer (only one of which was BC and she died on Xmas eve and she was same age as me- 38). Damn, if only they had fought more and been more positive they would still be here! Jeez it feels good to rant!! I have laughed a lot at some of the posts on this thread, I’m still making my way through them. I feel kind of bad because most people are lovely, certainly my close family and friends. It’s just maybe the ones that don’t know me so well. Still, I guess they mean well. Love to all you amazing ladies x
sorry you have to join us Doodles… it’s a grotty path, but it IS do-able (especially if you’re positive/brave/inspirational/have a good-shaped head/and sundry other nonsense!) Try dipping your toes into Benchland or the Dark Dark Woods if you feel the need for some laughter and reality combined! You’re young to have this **y disease… I found it helped to laugh at the stupid things people say (mostly)…
BTW, I loved the concept of musical chairs in the GP waiting room! Could be a new game!
Jane
Hi Doodles
Totally agree!! the only person that really knows how vulnerable and down I am about this chemo after the 12 months I’ve had, is my partner, and he doesnt live with me. The only comments I get are like “you’re a really strong person” - err no - that’s the exterior that you HAVE to portray so that you’re not a quivering wreck every day! the breast cancer nurse called me a pressure cooker, and said I would benefit from the counselling they offer. Guess what? the counsellor said my “negativity” was just realism and she thought I was a strong person and dealing with everything well. Doh!
Oh well - it really isn’t easy, and we don’t have to pretend all the time, but a good cry helps - I do that in private then build the wall again and on I go xx
Take care 
Thanks GIJane. Oh and apparently I have ‘such nice boobs as well’ what my great gran said when she was told, I can forgive her though lol x
Nurse giving me my zoladex injection this morning “ah but breast cancer isn’t the bad thing it used to be”. No, I had a great time with it, and no-one gets seriously ill or dies from it now do they? If that’s what the professionals think, its no wonder that Joe public thinks that too. Though I know she was only trying to be nice. And at least she didn’t make as much of a mess of my belly as she did last month, so i’m grateful for that. Al x
Bob, she’s actually right, in a way… the prognosis and treatment for women with a BC diagnosis IS a lot better than it was, say, 40 years ago.
But like you I do wish people wouldn’t always try to be cheerful and “look on the bright side”. This disease SUCKS and sometimes we’d like the professionals to acknowledge just what crap we have to go through.
Haven’t had any silly comments recently (other than “so have you got the all clear then?” which I get from just about everyone who’s ever found out!)
Aaaaargh, how I hate the “all clear” question.
Flori35 - I did just wonder whether the man in the waiting room realised you were a cancer patient and was perhaps concerned that he would pass on an infection to someone whose immune system might be compromised which is why he moved away from you when he had the opportunity to do so. He might have been trying to be kind and considerate, albeit in a slightly awkward way.
Love this thread, by the way.
Hand up to hating “all clear now?” Difficult to know what to say without sounding doom laden (often how I feel) or play along to the expected POSITIVE.
As a nurse I have to confess to being quite frankly a prat at points. Before my own chemo I would say that chemo side effects are minimal now blah blah, and then I had Tax … I think as nurses we sometimes talk to fill the gap and sometimes friendly silence would be better. Will try and talk less and listen more when I go back. xxx
Hi
I do not come on here often but I was talking about this to my oh yesterday. When it comes to breast cancer there is no such thing as the ‘all clear’. Yet I have come across this coment time and time again. If only there was such a thing as the ‘all clear’ I read somewhere that breast cancer is one of the few cancers that you can never say never. I have read recently on this forum that some lady was diagnosed in the early 1980’s with early breast cancer and it resurfaced as secondary disease in 2011, almost 30 years later. Breast cancer is not only a crap disease, it is a very sneaky disease. I don’t regard any of us as brave, we did not ask for this disease. Jo and Jane public can be excused for their ignorance on this subject, but some members of the medical profession should know better.
Ah, CM, I get that all clear question all the time too. I never know what to say so usually opt for “I hope so but who knows”. Unless i’m feeling a bit grumpy and then they get an even less positive answer!