And I thought it was just me that felt like this. If I had a pound for every well meaning daftie who told me that it is very important to keep positive…GRRRR…In my house we call it the P-word. i know it’s difficult for them to know what to say and that’s why I don’t snap their heads off. The other one I hate is “you are so brave and strong”. They are not there when i’m sobbing like a helpless and scared child at 3am. It kinda makes me feel like I am inadequate because there are all these brave and stoical folk out there who cope much better than me with this crappy cancer. I’ve heard so many people say that “She/He never complained” Well, can’t live up to any of that i’m afraid. Regards to you all out there
Thanks gypsylady / ChoccieMuffin
After 20 years I’ve learned to take most things my s-i-l says with a pinch of salt. This week’s classic on seeing me for the first time since my hair fell out was “your hair’s grown” - WTF?!?
WRT the musical chairs in the GP surgery I had a similar experience on the Tube last week. I have a bit of a cough that I can’t shift at the moment and the woman sitting next to me snapped her head round so fast I thought she’d broken her neck when I coughed. The second time she pulled her jacket collar up round her face and the third time she moved seats. You’d think I’d actually sneezed in her face! We both got off at the same stop and I was tempted to thank her for moving as I was worried I might catch something from her ;o)
Emma x
Ive finished active treatment few weeks ago and am getting that a lot. Im happy to be getting on with my life so i kind of just smile but someone recently said to me
‘so how long after diagnosis did you know you were going to be ok?’
*rolls eyes*
Answer to the all clear question -
Well I’m NED now, it’s called Neddy
What’s that, they say.
It means No Evidence of the Damn Disease as Yet.
Silence follows, hopefully with the sound of brain cogs turning as understanding dawns…
Remember where we were before our diagnosis? Well, we have moved on but they are still there cos they haven’t been compelled to learn about this beastly disease!
Flori- PWC has a point, perhaps he thought OMG she looks upset, i’ll give her space and not intrude. Think - where do YOU sit in the waiting room? most of us sit in the middle one of 3 empty chairs if we can, if not we sit next to someone of same gender (usually), that we already know, or looks ready to chat. Now when we go to the Vet it’s completely different, the patients trying to bite lumps out of each other and the owners apologising and attempting to socialise said animals with each other.
grumpy
xx
Mrs F that would have been a brilliant comment. I hope even the thought of it made you smile, it certainly did me.
Grumpy, I love the neddy comment. Will store that for later use.
Had to smile when I read LivLassie’s comment on
‘he/she never complained…’
It almost makes me hysterical now (2 years on from mx) because I moaned/complained through every aspect and side effect of this hideous disease!!!
I’m not brave! I never was and I probably never will be but when I hear that comment about other stoical sufferers of any condition I just have to laugh because I was an utter wimp about everything…
I’m sure it’s completely normal!
And it’s great to admit it here that I found the whole process utterly awful from dx to NED…
I feel admitting it now is part of the healing process.
Laughter and smiles to share with people coming through this BC experience and tight hugs to everyone going through the real sh*t of treatment, waiting for results and generally feeling
‘Why me?’
It’s not easy is it?
Take care everyone and think very dark thoughts about anyone using the P word!
Welsh girl xx
Why me?
BECAUSE IT’S NOT FAIR!!!
And the “you’re so strong/brave/inspirational” gets a “no I’m not. You just haven’t seen me when I’m falling apart and crying my heart out at 3am.” That usually shuts 'em up!
Hi, Had a good one last week, my car would not start and called rescue services. Man kindly fixed the car although I didn’t have home start but then asked if wanted to up grade. This all started to take time and I was flagging as only 2 weeks post op and explained I hadn’t been well. Eventually told him what was the matter and that needed my car to be reliable as needed to get to hospital a couple of days later to get results of op. He looked me in the eye and said ‘I’ve known a few people who’ve died of cancer and they had a look. You don’t have that look so I think you are going to be ok’ . Did wonder whether I should bother going to see consultant as the RAC man had given me the all clear! Fortunately I was having a good day and saw the funny side of it.
( The ‘positive’ one is the one that really makes me mad, what do people think I’m going to do, lie down and die! My mum died of ovarian cancer 33 yrs ago when no one discussed cancer and she didn’t even know of her diagnosis. People have said perhaps if she’d known she could have been more positive and beaten it! She was the most wonderful, loving person who had everything to live for, positive my xxxx.)
By the way, perhaps the RAC man did know something, while I had a large tumour, there was no spread to lymph nodes and margins clear. See onc soon but most likely no chemo, poss RT and most prob hormone treatment so I feel grateful, must have been all those ‘positive’ thoughts that fought the buggers off ‘so bravely’.
GMT xx
LOL, GMT. Reminds me of a trip back from an onc appointment on day in the winter, the man talked non-stop through a 30 minute trip back to my house. I was exhausted and could barely put up a coherent sentence! He told me he used to be a psychic nurse before being a taxi driver (ooo… kayyyyy!) and that he “knew” I would be OK!!
So, obviously the taxi driver knows more than my medical team and myself! But then he is psychic…
GMT that’s brilliant !!! SO glad you got the " all clear" from the RAC man, it must have been SUCH a relief for you!
hi
your responses are starting to make me laugh which is a good thing, this cancer journey sucks, yet so many people know so little about it. Nothing like a little bit of home spun philosophy. What I am going to say next may get me into trouble but what the hell. I was once told that opinions are like A…holes, everybody has one.
cheers
Hi
Im due my surgery next week, if I had a pound for everytime someone says don’t worry, you will be fine, be brave. I would be a very rich lady. I know they don’t know what to say at times like this but it doen’t make me feel better. If only they could understand how I really felt.
xx
One thing I’ve learned from this BC stuff is NEVER to say you’ll be fine, when folk tell about their ill-health. Instead I say something like - oh dear that sounds grim/hard work/painful etc then ask what does your specialist say/can I do anything to help/how’s your treatment going - in other words try to connect and leave the way open for further chat if desired. And I NEVER EVER say I do know how you feel - because I don’t, I only know about me…
cold and wet grumpy…
A friend of mine told me her diagnosis (ovarian cancer) and the first thing I said was, “oh, bu**er.” And that wasn’t a double T.
She said afterwards that that was one of the best responses she got.
And it is amazing what polite people like it as the response, Choccie!
Absolutely loved the RAC man and the psychic taxi driver! I too have had people assure me that they "have a very good feeling about " my cancer. Lucky them!
xxx
Don’t knock the expertise of an RAC diagnostic… I mean, is it worth shelling out for a new alternator and try to keep the durned machine running another two years, or will a two week bus-pass see me out? I got these big decisions to make, things to plan for here. BCN positivity school don’t seem quite geared up to these questions. The clinical cancer stuff is relatively straightforward, it’s all the other decisions I find hard?
Had more comments about lopsided boobs -
- Her - mine are lopsided cos I’ve breast-fed 3 babies, why don’t you pretend you’ve had babies?
Me - why don’t you pretend you’ve had breast cancer?
- Onc - 90% of people (men?) won’t notice the assymetry
Me - 100% of people (women) who have seen them have spontaneously commented OMG you are all lopsided…
But at least my scars just look like little creases!!!
grumpy