I’m feeling like a class A bitch the now because my best friend is driving me mad… She would do anything for you and is really lovely, but suddenly feels it’s important to actually boss me around. Obviously having bc makes you incapable of controlling your own situation… Just as an example… This morning I have hospital at 9am and the school run first… So I say " it’s going to ba bit tight and stressful, my daughter will need to be on her toes" she replies with… " well your appointments are important and she’ll just need to be ready, not go to school, call a taxi for her or get her dad to come for her… "
No one knows more than me how important my treatment etc is… Perhaps if I am helpless in a corner she will think I am taking it seriously.
Mibee it’s just me but if this carries on I’m going to need to a find a very nice way to sort it out.
Said to me when I confided that I had chosen (not at all willingly, I must say) to have Mx and recon with implant: ‘Oh you’re quite lucky - you’ll be getting a great new pair of breasts out of this - you’ll be like Brigitte Bardot!!’ Said whilst breast feeding her new baby, with her perfectly intact breast. Double whammy - Mental & visual annoyance (pain!) delivered from the mouth of of friend. Er, anything involving BC = LUCK??? BTW, The implant has never felt or looked like a breast… and am now on waiting list for revision surgery - as it has contracture, too small an implant for my frame & the breast surgeon refused to swap a temporary expander for a permanent one!
Ninja, you have summed up precisely what it is that makes the “beautiful head” comment so objectionable. I hadn’t actually figured out WHY I objected to the comment, but now you’ve finally helped me realise. Thank you.
So here I am still having Herceptin every three weeks, and the only comment I get is “so you’re all done with that cancer stuff then,” or words to that effect. Well actually, no, I’m not. And I DON’T have the “all clear” because there’s no such thing. So I then get “oh you poor thing!” No (well yes, actually, because I haven’t been earning) I’m not “poor”, I’m just getting on with my life and don’t need anyone’s pity, just to make the pitier feel better!
I have to say, I tend to go for the education thing rather than nodding and smiling so I’m probably not the perfect “trophy cancer friend” that people can wheel out and talk about to others. But hopefully I’m able to show others that it IS tough but it CAN be got through, with a fair helping of luck and some good friends.
When I was told I was getting chemo I was really upset… And it’s all about vanity. Shallow as I am. However I came on this site and saw so many beautiful, glowing, very attractive bald ladies smiling back at me that I was actually incredibly reassured.
So I think you do have lovely shaped heads lol. Xx
Thanks Valos for the link to the Guardian article. It just summed up for me the way I have felt at many times through this experience.And very amusing too…
xx
Grumpy, when that kind of remark happens, the only thing to do is fall about laughing.
During chemo I was spending some time with some swimming friends when one of them complained about having a “bad hair day”. I just said “I know what you mean”, rubbing my shiny pate, and we all fell about laughing.
Black humour is sometimes the only thing that gets us through.
This is not at all well meaning just tactless - very annoying though …Anyone else had similar !!! Astounded …
Popped in to local newsagent for my morning paper, Man behind counter has not seen me since I lost my hair, with head to one side asks how I am and then proceeds to tell me his aunt had the same and went into her treatnment etc, she didnt loose her hair etc etc… then just as I was about to ask how she was he pipes up… Shes dead now OF COURSE !! WTF …
Exited with paper and bemused look on face… Im quite new into the BC regime will I get this often !!! some people
I can relate to Elli’s post on Friday 20th April about bossy friends (who mean well!). A few months after my dx and mx I had arranged to go for a walk with a friend of mine. It was a lovely winter’s day - sunny and cold - so I knew I would have to wrap up well. She rang me and said she had decided that it was too cold for me to go for a walk! I said I had been looking forward to it and needed to get out for a few hours but she was adamant I couldn’t go for that walk. I nearly said “I lost a breast not my brain so I am capable of making my own decisions”. But I just decided to say nothing and I went for a walk on my own anyway and lived to tell the tale!
Yesterday I had a wee virus, I was pretty floored. So my ex kindly came over with lunch for my daughter and some lucozade for me.
When he was leaving he said to Jemma… Look after your mum… Went into kitchen, came back out and said look after your mum… Then just as he was leaving he said… Now remember look after your mum… By this time my (our) daughter… A beautiful but stroppy teenager said … Yeah ok dad, she’s not dying… To which he replied…NOT YET…
There is a very good reason he is my ex… Just as well Jemma and I can laugh at it…
Neighbour ( some 10 years older than me - I am 37) goes out of her way to tell me how relieved she was after she went to breast clinic and there is nothing wrong with her and she is so happy her boobs are just in great nic! Not that I want anything to be wrong with her of course, but i just didn’t want my face rubbed in it!!
friend’s husband answers the phone and says he was sorry to hear my news and then went on to say " oh well, glad you are still here "!!!
if anyone says stay positive again i think I will throttle them.
funny, how all of a sudden i “look great”
also, when i put a picture on facebook, i seem to get all these “likes” and comments that never appeared before my BC was announced x
Hi Flower
Had to just respond to your post, Your friends OH comment is just Classic… So sorry but I had to giggle and still am thank god we still have a sense of humour eh,
If I had a pound for every time someone has said to me how well I look id be a very rich lady Kerching !!!
Latest one for me was … After telling neighbour I had BC thats why at home now and head always covered in scarf/hat bless she thought I was just a cold morsel … she replied well You,d never think it dear I cant believe your just standing here chatting to me as though theres nothing wrong with you … Im sure people think we are just going to crumble , these posts keep me smiling… unless they are downright tactless that is and most arent
thank god we still have a sense of humour eh,