FF I think everyone has a mental image of ‘cancer patients’ and those of us that have been lucky enough to escape chemo, and keep our hair, don’t fit with that image so they are surprised to see we look ‘normal’ and therefore ‘well’!
My boss told me half way through my 3rd week of phased return that I wasn’t too tired after all. How could she possibly know how tired I was?? Just because I was professional enough to turn up, dressed, when I said I would, and get on with the job, doesn’t mean I’m not feeling exhausted!! She made me feel like I was wasting everyone’s time not coming straight back full-time, but I THINK (hope??) she meant it in a supportive, encouraging way!!
On the other hand, another colleague said that I looked awful! I jokingly said “Well thanks. you mean I look like 7 shades of sh**?” and she correted herself to “awfully tired”. If I hadn’t know her well, I could have been upset by that, but actually I appreciated the concern!
It’s the none too subtle glances at my breasts that really crack me up. I’ve lost count of the number of times people address my chest rather than my face when asking me how I am…
I’m happy to show close friends the end result as I’m so pleased with my recon but at times I do feel like public property.
For me it has been my husband saying after 3 week wait for mammogram result - ‘no news is good news’! I wonder if he would feel the same about waiting on something like this…
I know what you mean about those unsubtle visual scans of our breasts. It’s what I thought of as the “which tit was it” look. It REALLY annoyed me. I started a thread on this ages ago and got some amusing replies as well as some heartfelt responses from those who had been upset by such looks. breastcancercare.org.uk/community/forums/how-respond-which-tit-was-it-visual-inspection
My Dad recently said to me (while I was lying on the sofa without the energy to move following chemo) “it’s worse for the people who love you you know”
Gee, thanks. I’ll add that to my list of worries then…
Next time I am accosted by one of those cold callers, telesales people or chuggers doing their fake friendly OTT “oh hellooooo mrs squeakymouse how are you” drivel I am going to reply “I am s**t. I have cancer. And how are you?”
I’ve just read the 1st and last page of this thread and almost laughed out loud at several of the posts because of how familiar they are. I too have have heard the majority of these ‘well meaning’ posts and agree that after a while they start to grate. A neighbour told me she knew how i felt (doubt it she doesnt have cancer!), i’m sick of hearing ‘u are strong u will beat this’ there’s no guarantee after all and 1 of my closest friends went through a period of txting or calling me everyday and kept saying she didnt like the thought of me being home alone. Well thanks for the concern i really do appreciate it but sometimes i WANT to be on my own!
I had a cold call from an insurance company and when the guy asked how I was, I told him “Not good, I’ve got terminal cancer”. He replied “I’m only trying to do my job, you’re sick in the head”. He then put the phone down!!
Deb!!! Did you find out what company he was calling from? I’d be tempted to call the company and report the response, THEN he might think twice before saying the same sort of thing again.
Ladies there are some real corkers in these posts.
How can people be so insensitive?
I’ve had bilateral mx and one of my favourites has been ‘well your tits were only small anyway so you won’t miss them will you’? Actually yes I do miss my small boobs VERY much and am battling to find comfortable and right prosthetics AND a pretty bra rather than the sling shots on offer.
I know we shouldn’t wish ill on people but just sometimes you wish they had a taste of it so that they would understand.
Maybe one day people will think before they open their mouths to make a ‘well-meaning’ comment!
When my hair started falling and my boyfriend shaved my head, to make it a little less traumatic, he did the sides first and I was left with a kind of mowhawk, and had some a pic taken as if I were a punk. I put it up on Facebook today as I finally feel fine about people seing me without my usual elbow length hair and a close friend who knows I’m having a rough week said “Wow, you’ve gone punk… I wouldn’t be able to do it…” Erm, excuse me? Do you know what has actually happened to my hair? You wouldn’t be able to do it as you love your precious hair, just as I loved mine. I “wasn’t able to do it” either but had to get rid of it. I simply had to, so I might as well laugh about it if I can and avoid the “Uh-oh” comments… I immediately thought about this thread and thought you would understand me! Thanks for letting me whine! I just replied that I didn’t want it, but then it didn’t last that long anyway…
Three weeks ago while waiting to see triage nurse at my chemo unit, feeling like sh** , the friend of a lady waiting for treatment who had no doubt come to ‘support’ her, said in the loudest voice ’ well if you’ve got to have something, at least with cancer you know they can cure you’. The woman had obviously not thought about the fact that the majority of people in that room had cancer and that some of them would be living with secondaries. There speaks a woman who has obviously not had cancer! The friend having treatment looked like she wanted the floor to open up and said nothing. I glared but didn’t trust myself to speak as I thought I’d end up being very rude and didn’t want to upset anyone else. Hopefully my very grey face, bald head and manic stare, perhaps tho I doubt it, made her think perhaps it wasn’t a walk in the park!
(However while sitting in ‘the chair’ having my last chemo last week, a woman who had just finished her treatment, stopped by my chair and said ‘I’ve been looking at you and wanted to say how beautiful you look.’ I’d finally decided to embrace the no hair look and while I know I’m not beautiful, she said it in a very genuine way and it made my day.)
Gaynor xx
Hi
I chose a wig that closely resembled my original hairstyle…a bob…beautiful choccy brown colour…told no-one of my cancer as I figured it has nothing to do with them…in July I decided to take it off as it was too hot and itchy revealing my Brillo coloured super short hair do…my neighbour caught me outside after a few days of covertly looking at me through his blinds…why have you shaved your hair?? It was much nicer before he said… I explained that I had BC and chemo had made my hair come out…he then gave me a full rundown of his own brush with cancer and said at least I only had a few chemo sessions and not lots as he had…very comforting!!!
I have had a similar experience, I was diagnosed back in July at the age of 30, we we all so shocked, any way after the apt with the breast surgeon I was sent back to pre op to get info for operation, so I’m sitting in the very specific suite for beast cancer, completely pale and my partner who had burst into tear s looking red faced, and a lady said as there were no seats, excuse me can you move so I can sit down I’ve got breast cancer!! ! Week my reply was not polite !!
