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Having a mid life crisis

14 REPLIES 14
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Re: Having a mid life crisis

Rock Star Chick,

Wow, I'm loving your post. It's so positive. I so hope you go to Africa and see those elephants! Can you share your progress? Please? Have you picked a country? ( Kenya probably best value for money by my experience). 

Go Girl! You are inspirational. 

Wonks. X 

 

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

I know I sound selfish but hubby was my rock as my children to but as time goes on they forget but believe the ordeal is still real to me and unforgettable. Hubby puts it off everything is about retiring and having enough money which is fine but nobody knows about what tomorrow will bring . To be honest we have made such lovely memories with holidays but I really need to do this xx

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

I have looked into it it is affordable and the reason I want to do it is to find me I’m such a people person always trying to do the right thing I feel I need to do something for me while I can thank you for your encouragement xx

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

Life sometimes always seems to be pleasing other people except ourselves you have to seize the moment and do what feels right . You and your partner will love Dominican I went two years ago and didn’t want to come home which is so me haha nobody sees it the way we do because we have gone through something traumatic that only we can  empathize with each other I hope you get your holiday soon xx

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

I’ve taken first step and sent off for brochures I have to do this for me I’m somebodies wife mother Nannie now it’s time to put my big knickers on and make my life about me I’m so determined excited scared and tiny bit apprehensive. . Hubby is going to throttle me haha . But this plan is in motion thank you ladies i knew the only way to see sense was to sound off on here thank you 💕💕💕💕

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

Hi Wonky

 

how are you doing? I’m not back at work yet. But I know now I have to concentrate on me and my partner. He has been my rock through all the treatment and aftermath. I’m even considering a new career x

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

Crikey Lucy, you are giving me a lot of food for thought. I think you are spot on that this is about grief. I think its nice we all see something shining in the distance, be it an elephant or otherwise and hugs and thanks to all for keeping the conversations on here, happening. 

X

 

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

Hi 

I’m still bogged down in the grief of post treatment and hope for recon at the moment but on a small scale I can empathise.

im not going back to my job, they’ve given me no support whatsoever and slowly I’m learning I don’t have to do what I don’t want to any more. I know I’m very lucky that for now I can stop working and not worry (I will worry I’ve never not worked!). 

Ive lived my life always doing what I ‘should’ do, being reliable, dependable, being there for everyone etc but not always doing what has made me happy. For now my priority is getting myself better emotionally and then I’ll be working out what I want to do that makes me happy. I hope that’s with my husband but if he’s not interested I’ll go ahead anyway. 

 

Rockstarchick, don’t sit and wait, book the trip, find the opportunity and if hubby wants to join in, brilliant and if not make sure you send him a postcard. Look forward to hearing about it  xx 

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

Hi Rockstarchick

 

I know exactly what you mean. We booked to go away ages ago, but because my partner is an accountant he can’t go until April. We are off to the Dominion Republic. I think it was will do me the World of good as I have really been struggling x

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

Rockstarchick,

If you want to go to Africa for a week or two and see elephants, do it girl! 

There is something there which feeds the soul. And its affordable if you stay away from 'posh stuff' - same as anywhere. X 

 

 

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

Thank you jaybro that sums up exactly how I feel I do go and do things for myself I do fundraising for breast cancer care which has resulted in four of our group going to the House of Lords of 4th March and afternoon tea on the Thames which I’m very excited about . I have met so many friends through breast cancer although would never have wanted BC it has opened up doors which I never would have pushed myself to do . My job is very tiring and I have applied for other jobs and at the age of 57 nobody wants you . I will read that link as it sounds right up my street thank you and I might just do the volunteering abroad as I need to do something your advice is just what I needed big hugs xx

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

Hi Rockstarchic

 

Your comments reminded me of something I read in that excellent article one of the nurses posted last year. He wrote: 

Once you have recuperated and convalesced, then you have the foundation and the energy to start doing those things that you want to do - and, perhaps, to stop doing those things that you don't want to do. I remember the patient of a colleague of mine who, once she had completed her treatment for her breast cancer asked for help to '.. sort out her job, her marriage and her cancer - and in that order.' After eight sessions, she had decided to change both job and husband. Now your rehabilitation may not be as dramatic or as quick as that, but behind that rather clinical term lies a whole raft of important issues....

 

So it looks like you’re not alone, Here’s the link to the rest of the article about what do we do after the crisis is over??

https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-wha...

 

After my treatment finished in the autumn, I had to dupe (?) my husband into counselling at our hospital. It should have been for both of us as I wanted to move on and he was stuck with the idea of me as an invalid. Fortunately the counsellor recognised he needed help more than I did - and there have been subtle changes which are making him much easier to live with (we’ve just passed the 50 year mark since we first met - awww).

 

It seems to me your focuses aren’t mutually exclusive. You don’t have to live in each other’s pocket so why not go off and fulfil a dream? It’s no different from working abroad for a bit and we have Skype etc to stay in touch. Get booking and get packing! You’ve earned it. But so has he. Maybe deep down he has unfulfilled dreams. Have you asked? Good luck, whatever you decide - just don’t keep putting it off x

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Re: Having a mid life crisis

I feel I’m wasting my life I have trouble with aches and pains due to treatments  and feel my life is slipping away . He is really stubborn and have tried talking and putting in a text and never answers . He is a really fit 58 yr old and he doesn’t believe in illness he thinks I’m recovered now and life should go back toway  it was but I have changed don’t get me wrong he is fab hubby  but don’t seem to see how fed up I am of working and want to do something I enjoy but Outer Mongolia does seem appealing xx

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Community Champion

Re: Having a mid life crisis

Nothing like being faced with your own mortality for bringing into sharp focus what's important to you in life .Im not sure it has quite the same impact on those around us - just getting back to the safety of " normality " is maybe more important to them ? If you are on this forum for long enough you soon realise that life is very precious and precarious ,breast cancer has a horrible habit of sneaking up on you from behind  - we have lost several lovely ladies over the last 12 months but we can't let fear spoil our lives .Can you find a way to find a half way house with your husband -have some adventures but don't sell up and move to Outer Mongolia ?

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Having a mid life crisis

Anyone else feel like this after having breast cancer you just want to do something for your self ,I’m 6years April since diagnosis I just feel I want to give up work walk away from my boring marriage and be just me I am 57i have been married 40 years but last few years I’ve lots of holidays but can’t do that forever I would liove to go to Africa help the endangered elephants and see life from different perspective . My youngest daughter is 17 this year so feel my role of motherhood has ended and feel empowered to have an adventure and challenge am I being mad . Don’t get me me wrong I love my hubby but all he wants to do is running and making money for our old age . Having had cancer I don’t see tomorrow’s only today’s why can’t he see that sorry for long message but can’t say it anywhere else xx