Hi Horseylass
Yes, indeed it is a s**t club to join but no one really gets a choice so here we all are, some new, some getting through, some out the other side and some revisiting. I’m out the other side but a mess of side effects 🙂
As regards button-front clothes, get online to somewhere cheap like George/Asda. They do comfy sports/comfort bras and excellent pjs at a very good price. I was small-breasted and had a full mastectomy so I wanted tight and firm sports bras. I progressed to comfort bras but eventually had to go specialist for mastectomy bras. But George does those too (post-surgery bras). How did I cope? I nicked a couple of my husband’s shirts and lived in those and joggers for a couple of weeks. The more room, the better, especially if you are sent home with a drain dangling - worth checking if that’s likely.
Husband. Yep. A good one that. You know him best. Mine waited on me hand and foot (it’s not easy doing things attached to a drain) and was great with practical things, even if he couldn’t drive. He was very always supportive but made no emotional connection with the breast cancer at all. He saw me through some very rough times. Once I was well on the way to recovery, I realised that he had made an emotional connection I didn’t recognise - he’d been terrified of losing me, never said, bottled it up, held onto all the horrid things like when I got sepsis, until he cracked. He started being sick every day - as they say, the stomach is the second brain! Fortunately, Macmillan support was available and I lured him into 1-to-1 counselling which really helped him. So my advice is to talk, talk, talk. Don’t let him pretend it’s not important or scary because it is and often partners feel helpless and retreat into denial. It will always work its way out and clout you all hard!
Friends. You need them. You need someone to moan to who will understand or accept the sheer discomfort of boob problems. You may find you have a friend who has an acquaintance who’s been through it - these are the friends you need. You will have a mess of emotional baggage (diagnosis, surgery, recovery, results, then what...) and the more open you can be about it, the better for you. Pretending it’s not important is at best a short-term solution. It still has to be dealt with. This time, you don’t need to be the strong one - do you think less of the friends who need you?? They can Skype, they can send flowers and jokes and mixes, they can listen - even if for now they can’t hug. You’ll probably get a lot of comfort from the horses too but don’t push yourself. Do your exercises repeatedly but let someone else do the horsey stuff for now.
Ok, overload here. Obviously this is not a great time to have to face all this rubbish but you have no control over it so trust your team to have your best interests at heart. Make good use of your breast care nurse - you are never a nuisance - and the nurses here are great to talk to, really knowledgeable and reassuring. And if you feel tearful, have a bloody good cry. It IS unfair and is worth many tears but it will work out ok in the end. Take good care of yourself,
Jan x
